Oh Hey! It’s Alyssa is a biweekly web comic series by Alyssa!
Oh Hey! It’s Alyssa #4: Venn Diagram
A. Andrews
A. is a totally complete incomplete paraplegic and thirty-something hanky-in-the-pocket cartoonist weirdo!
A. has written 69 articles for us.
I think there’s these words that we hold inside of ourselves that as mature, intelligent adults, can rationalize away most of the time, ( We’re goddamn awesome, and for every thing that some might see as a flaw, others are going to throw parades for!) but in vulnerable moments, or perhaps, just gray days, revisit and relive, scratching at old wounds again. The last panel of this comic made me think of that: The way I have trouble letting go of some things that have been said to/about me, because they’re horrible, hurtful things that give a little more weight to some of the biggest fears and worst beliefs I have about myself.
Absolutely, so well put Stevie.
fellow disgaybled here!!! I’m so happy that your comics are on here <3
Every time I read one of these, I can’t wait to read the next one. <3
*part of head shaved and in a wheelchair high-five*
Thanks, Alyssa. :)
Whoa!
That last panel was a total gut punch.
Well, even if I’m not on a couch in your living room:
“You’re awesome and you’re rocking this.”
And by this, I mean life.
Everything in it.
And the hair.
Sending lots of Love!
Oh, that last panel really is heartbreaking. It reminds me of the horrible psychiatrist I once saw about my anxiety; he told me my love for women stemmed from the same place my anxiety did – low self-esteem. He portrayed lesbian relationships as SETTLING, can you believe that? Has he never been with a woman? Anyways, it was incredible, I felt gobsmacked. I tried to argue with him, but, as these things go, he referenced his superior knowledge and I just stopped seeing him pronto.
It really is horrible how these things hurt us and hold onto us. It must be so much more painful when they come out of the mouth of a loved one. I’m sorry, Alyssa! That was such a crappy thing to hear and experience. You are so wonderful! I only know you through these comics but they show me your brave heart, resilience and humor. You are awesome! <3 Thank you for showing us such an intimate part of yourself so bravely and openly.
Jeez, that’s awful. I really hope you found a better/less actively harmful therapist.
this is wonderful, thank you so much.
Thank you for this! The part about what parts of yourself you do/don’t challenge really struck me, and made me think/rethink about how I related to the various aspects of my own identity.
Also, I know others have said this before, but I love the style of your drawings too!
your responses are all a: incredibly humbling! and b: really amazing. i’m doing real good in life! but as Stevie above put it (way more eloquently than i could) we all have days where we pick at old wounds, and i really really want to speak to that feeling honestly. we often feel that if we’re in a good place in our life it means that those things don’t hurt us – which is pretty silly because of course hurtful things hurt us.
the most tangible way i can describe that feeling is that i have a lot of (physical) scars obviously, and for the most part, i can’t feel a single one anymore. but every once and a while scar tissue gets inflamed and hurts a bit. no matter the distance, the personal growth, the physical growth – whatever. things that once hurt us, from time to time hurt us all over again no matter how distant we are from them.
and that’s okay. it’s all a part of the ride. thanks for reading! until next time!
xx – aa
As a proud disabled gay/queer (cis) woman this really resonated with me. Currently I am writing about the experiences of disabled women and societal attitudes toward us for my graduate studies. I am exploring the bizarrely confusing experience of not being sexually objectified as oppressive, which seems contradictory as it should be a space for liberation. But for so many of us growing up being denied the ‘average’ encounter of sexualization can leave us feeling less than fully desirable. I know this prevented me from coming out until adulthood, not getting ‘heterosexual’ approval, made me feel like any sexuality I had should be denied. Shows how deeply embedded patriarchal views are that mess us up even as we are trying to break free from them. Here is the piece I did a few years ago for Autostraddle that speaks of my journey, I too still have to fight the internalized oppression I swallowed. Thanks Alyssa.
http://www.autostraddle.com/unalterable-laying-down-my-sword-in-the-battle-against-myself-237935/
I relate soooo much to that feeling!! and feeling like a “bad feminist” for somehow feeling undesirable bc I have not been catcalled
Such a great comic. The last panel really punched me in the gut… and I’m sure a lot of us have been there. I remember being in the car with my mom driving up to school and her seeing a group of cheerleaders, looking at me, and saying she wished she had a daughter like that. I also overheard a lot of comments between my parents about my lack of a future. The comments our parents make, meant to be heard or not, stick with us in some terrible ways.
As Iva mentioned, I do think a lot of people act as if being with women is “settling” somehow… but based on my view of the world it would be MUCH easier for me to find a guy willing to date me than a woman. Settling would be knowing you are a lesbian, but staying with guys because it is easier on so many levels.
ooooof! this is amazing, thank you for sharing!
Oh, you’re brilliant. (I myself can draw only one very believable stick figure). I am disabled and bisexual, and I can’t honestly thank you enough for this. I’m going through a bit of tough time and you comics are helping me immensely.
Thank you for making your comic and for this ish in particular. Your work is great! Funny, poignant, occasionally wrenching, and so real about life. I like your drawing style. What made you want to make your nose look like that? Reminds me of Lynda Barry. Actually, your comics have a lot in common with hers… I’m your newest fan!