FRIDAY OPEN THREAD: TV And Teeth

Hello hello hello Friday fam. Welcome to the Friday Open Thread!!! ! !!!! Show me pictures of your dogs, PLEASE. Tell me all about your week. I hope it’s been lovely and rejuvenating. Mine hasn’t really been.

image by Rory Midhani

image by Rory Midhani

I know most people associate spring with renewal and rebirth but I work in TV so spring is mostly a season of watching TV shows die. After a lengthy pilot season, people are anxiously waiting to hear if their pilots got picked up, writers rooms are staffing up, and everyone is bracing themselves for Upfronts, which reach a fever pitch mid-May. The Sparknotes version of the last few sentences is: I HAVE BEEN WORKING MANY HOURS.

This is the time of year when I do nothing but consume TV in horrifying amounts. My job consists of watching and thinking about TV all day, and then I go home and watch TV all night to stay caught up. Everyone’s goal ’round here is basically to read or watch every noteworthy pilot by Upfronts (when the networks show off their upcoming shows for advertisers) and you know what? Most of them are not great in the end, and the majority never see the light of day anyway. I thought about making a March Madness-style bracket but for pilots but that felt like dancing on the graves of dead TV shows. There is no ethical consumption in television!

This year I don’t care as much about staying caught up with all the shows because it’s been a weird few months. In January, I went skiing and ended up kind of mangling my face when I unexpectedly hit a tree going downhill. Whoops! They strapped me to a stretcher so I rode the ski lift down laying on my back and looking up at the sky, realizing I was a character in a high school physics problem. If Olga was skiing at 30mph on a 35 degree incline, at what force did she smack into a tree? I also took a lot of hospital selfies to take my mind off the fact that the whole ordeal was pretty scary (physically, emotionally, and financially). After a long day in the ER, I ended up having to get my front teeth re-implanted which I WOULD NOT RECOMMEND TO ANYONE EVER. It is not relaxing or fun. I only got through it by watching The Barefoot Contessa cook up a salad full of summer berries on the surgeon’s TV.

I wore some rudimentary braces up until a few weeks ago to fix things up and just got those taken off (warning: here be gore). I guess in a way spring is a time of renewal and healing. I’m pretty much just left with a scar on my chin, some seriously intrusive memories that will go away with time, and a Pavlovian shiver down my spine when I smell tree bark. The weirdest part is the feeling I get when I move my tongue around in my mouth, because my teeth are in slightly different places. You know that uncanny feeling where something is right but it doesn’t feel quite right?

BUT ENOUGH ABOUT ME. How was your week? Did you fly into any solid objects? Did you have any dreams about teeth falling out? DID YOU WATCH THE PEOPLE VS. OJ SIMPSON? Are there any TV shows you’re really worried are about to get canceled? Did Kocktails With Khloe’s cancellation ruin your bracket? What are you watching right now?? (I’m so sad Jane the Virgin’s second season is ending soon. You don’t even understand.) Tell me everything.

janethevirgin


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olgalexell

Olga is a Staff Writer at Autostraddle. Her work has also appeared in McSweeney's, Splitsider, Paste, and Reductress. You can find her yelling into the void on Twitter.

olgalexell has written 3 articles for us.

273 Comments

  1. Didn’t fly into any solid objects and didn’t have any teeth dreams, however:

    Mr Dog told me yesterday that he had a dream wherein he and Mrs Dog had to drive to Canada, where I had been arrested for draft dodging

    (my punishment was to be returned to this Hellish Land)

    JUDGE: “WILL NICKY TAKE THE STAND”

    ME: “IT’S MICKEY”

    JUDGE: “Oh so is it short for Michael?”

    ME: “No, Micholas”

    — so I’m gonna turn that into a comic, because Holy Shit.

    Ive been drawing a lot of comics. My brain feels mushy and all I can see when I close my eyes are story boards. Had a job interview. Accidentally told them I’m going to be gone for a month this summer, because it did not occur to me to lie.

    Whoops.

    • Oh nooooo!!! Someone needs to write a how-to guide for ethically lying to your potential employer about upcoming vacations. I can’t do it because I just imagine Alba from Jane the Virgin saying “a lie by omission is still a lie” over and over again.

      • I feel like it might be unconscious self sabatoge at this point??

        Like, one, I really need work experience that isnt food service I am 24

        And also, every conversation I’ve had In Portland with people who are my age with my general job prospects (None) goes essentially

        “HAHAHAHA I HAVE NEVER BEEN MORE POOR. I’m moving to rural Maine / Houston / Richmond Virginia soon so I can afford to eat food again”

        – which doesn’t instill CONFIDENCE

        • you’ll find something soon!!! are you looking to do art/graphics/comics? (side note, I went to Portland once about a year ago and OMG SO BEAUTIFUL AND CLEAN. I have crappy lungs and it’s so hard to breathe in LA but in Portland it’s like OMG THE AIR IS GASEOUS AND SEE THRU AND NOT A SOLID BLOCK OF CAR EXHAUST???)

          • I don’t have a degree, so right now I’m thinking

            “I could probably get a solidly soul sucking data entry and / or envelope stuffing job through a temp agency”

          • ((but yeah, long term, drawing comics is the most plausible of my implausible dreams))

            right now I’m working on a silly little mini comic – so that’s like the comic equivalent of a zine – about how a week or so ago I had a panic attack at Sizzle Pie and then wept openly in public in the middle of the night when the plan was to go dancing

            (I did not go dancing)

  2. On last night’s “Legends of Tomorrow”, Gideon reported that Sara had been having dreams of a certain nurse.

  3. Happy FOT!

    I feel good! I have felt good for weeks and weeks now. This is after a slump of depression that lasted from May-February, once of my longer slumps, a slump FOT helped me through by giving me virtual hugs whenever I requested them. So thank you! and big hugs to all of you.

    It’s springgggg!

    • Also just reflecting that FOT is one of the only places where I am honest about my depression without worrying that I am boring as fuck or dragging other people down, without trying too hard to make my comment entertaining or perfect, because I know you all will care anyway. That is effing amazing!

  4. I had an uneventful week for the most part, except I had to tell my bestie that I might have to stop planning our potential summer trip to Copenhagen…because…I got off the wait list for A-Camp!

    Everything is all set including my flight (any FL based Straddlers going?) but I’ll be totally honest, I’m extremely nervous. I’ve done tons of traveling in the past, but I was always with travel buddies who I knew or family, this experience will be the first time I’m doing something totally on my own and yes, I’m a bit scared. I’ve been going through a massive period of self discovery and I hope A-Camp helps with that. I also hope to meet some awesome queer folks who wouldn’t mind chilling with me having a few beers in the mountains while I play ’90s pop songs on the guitar. I used to have a lot of queer friends, but that changed when I moved a few years ago and now my friends consist of straight bros and straight girls.

    My parents wanted to send me to an all girls summer camp in Vermont when I was 12, and I flat out refused, I guess I’m doing the camp experience 16 years later! I was on the fence about accepting the invite, but I figured if I didn’t go I would have those, “I wish I went” and “I wonder what would have happened if I did go” feelings and I basically told myself that I need to take more risks. So, I’ll be joining some of you fine folks on the Mountain in a few weeks!

    • OMG that’s so exciting!!! You are gonna have a BLAST.

      ALSO, Copenhagen is super cool. Last year I went over Thanksgiving because Norwegian does these huge fare sales in April/May for fall/winter flights and I got a ticket for like $400 roundtrip! The weather wasn’t so bad either (though I grew up in Chicago so all weather isn’t so bad).

      • We were planning to go for Pride and possibly trek to Stockholm. I’ve traveled throughout Europe, but I have done Northern Europe/Scandinavia and it’s certainly on my bucket list. Honestly, I wouldn’t mind going in the winter! Being a New Englander now living in Florida, I miss bundling up in comfy sweaters and jackets. I don’t miss shoveling snow though.

        Yes, the butterflies of excitement are already building for camp. A friend saw that I was going and I told her that it sounds stupid, but I hope I find a group of folks who just like me for me. She said, “You have nothing to worry about, you’ll fall in line with a bunch of other dapper tomboys who will make the femmes swoon.” HAHA I didn’t know what to say to that!

        • aww I’m sure you will meet tons of great people!! <3

          I bet Pride would be really fun. Actually, the LA Pride Parade is a few days after Camp ends! I'm looking forward to it this year but every year there are always way too many straight bros there ogling at it all.

          I haven't been to Stockholm yet but I really want to go! I did a trip to Oslo and Gothenburg one year (my friend's mom used to work for an airline so we did some major cheapo travels together) in the winter and loved it. Living in LA I start to miss comfy sweater/jacket weather too. But seriously, fuck snow. I am never getting up at 6am to de-ice a vehicle ever again.

    • @klayne congrats on getting off the waitlist. let’s be camp buddies!:)

      i’m totally down for beers with 90’s jams playing in the background. see you at camp!

    • YAY! Hello fellow camper!

      I am not a FL straddler, I actually live on the opposite side of the country, but I will be moving there soon, so I’m hoping to maybe meet some Florida friends?

      • Yay more camp buddies! :) I’m a displaced Northeast person currently in the city of ’90s boy bands and theme parks haha.

  5. I am right with you on Jane the Virgin. I love that show so, so much!

    I have had the house to myself this week — my Kid and my parents (they live with us) are all away on Spring Break. I’ve been doing pretty well at staying socially active, but have also had some evening time to fill, so I’ve been re-watching both seasons of Penny Dreadful. I knew that I would have a hard time getting through the Cut-Wife episode, but it wasn’t quite as wrenching the second time as it was a year ago, but it was still pretty wrenching. Still.

    My Kid gets back into town this evening, and my folks come in tomorrow afternoon, so it will be back to our usual domestic routine. (But only for another two months: kid finishes high school at the end of May, at which my folks will move back full-time to their own place, 1500 miles away. So I’m also bracing myself for some degree of empty-nest-hood.)

    The high point of my week so far, though, came this morning, when I got together for coffee with … I don’t know quite how to describe her. Old flame? Friend I haven’t seen for a dozen years? The woman who turned my life upside down for four crazy months twenty years ago? The smartest, funniest person I’ve ever dated? All of those things. I’ve been anticipating the conversation ever since we arranged to meet a couple of weeks ago, and it was everything I had hoped for. I took the day off work, in part so that our conversation wouldn’t be time-limited by my need to go to work, and I’m so glad — it was three hours of wisdom, grace, laughter and reconnection.

    • Jane the Virgin is like the best broadcast show right now I think. I just love dramedies (grew up on Six Feet Under) and they’re rare these days. I haven’t watched Penny Dreadful but I’ve been meaning to for SO LONG.

      So many changes! When I left for college, I think my mom honestly didn’t know what to do without me hanging around asking for snacks all day.

      That’s so fantastic. I love re-uniting with old friends. Like not acquaintances, but the old friends who you really had something special with before you drifted apart. It’s always electric. Are you going to hang out again??

      • She lives 1000 miles away, and was just in town for the weekend. But I’m certain we’ll stay in touch, and will get together whenever travel and geography allow.

        • That’s good. One of my best friends lives in London (I live in LA) so I only get to see him every few years. The part where they go back is the worst!

  6. I don’t watch TV because I live under a rock. Or I just don’t have time. Take your pick.

    So many jobs. So little sleep. Yawn.

    I just put in notice for job #7. So in 2 weeks, I’ll only have 6 jobs! Hooray!

    I went to the gym yesterday for the first time in a long time, and now I have that day-after soreness. I lifted things, and now I can’t move. Plus, I wore heels last night because the show I’m house managing opened. MY BODY HURTS.

    I’m going to write a play this summer. That is my decision. Now to decide what to write about… I’m hoping to write said play, and then eventually turn it into a musical, as I recently learned that was a thing.

    I have to re-read Death of a Salesman for this theatre class. I wish I had time to read. I mean, I do, but it’s very disrupted time.

    TL;DR – I’m burnt out.

    • I totally feel you. In college I was working like 5 jobs, freelancing, signing up for medical studies and focus groups left and right, interning, you name it. Anything to make rent!

      Writing a play is super exciting. I normally write TV scripts but I wrote a ten minute play a few months ago that a friend of mine produced and it was actually a lot of fun. Now I kind of want to write a full play, but I don’t really know anything about play writing.

  7. Hello, Olgalexell! I’m glad you’re doing better after your accident. And I hope there’s nothing long-term from it as well! That experience sounds pretty scary.

    Like you, I spent most of the week working. I don’t get to watch TV for it, however.

    1) “How was your week?” It was fine, thanks!
    2) “Did you fly into any solid objects?” Not this week, thankfully!
    3) “Did you have any dreams about teeth falling out?” See my previous answer.
    4) “DID YOU WATCH THE PEOPLE VS. OJ SIMPSON?” I did not.
    5) “Are there any TV shows you’re really worried are about to get canceled?” None really come to mind. Did they renew Supergirl? I’m not usually good at keeping up with that stuff.
    6) “Did Kocktails With Khloe’s cancellation ruin your bracket?” I’ve never watched that.
    7) “What are you watching right now??” Nothing right now, since I’m at work. At home, Supergirl, Sleepy Hollow, and lots of shows on HGTV (Love It or List It, Flip or Flop, etc.)

    • CBS hasn’t renewed Supergirl yet but I would be SO SO SO SO shocked if they don’t. I think they’re holding out for dramatic impact. I’m not caught up but I loved the episodes I’ve seen. I really need to watch the Flash crossover, how was that?

  8. Blitzed through three seasons of House of Lies this week, and well on my way to finishing up S4 this weekend, just in time for the S5 opener.

    So many things to talk about this show, but honestly, I spend most of the time going “Holy shit, Kristen Bell is amazing.”

  9. First off, as requested, a dog picture! Here’s our loyal teacup mastiff, Mogley:

    As for TV, we don’t get broadcast, and have never bothered to hook up the cable box that came with our internet, so what little we watch is usually marathoning on DVD (most often Game of Thrones). Recently my fiancee got Netflix, and I’ve been trying to find time to check out Sens8, because, hey, trans lesbians gotta represent. My fiancee also watched the pilot for OitNB, though I haven’t had a chance yet to watch it (I feel like I’m missing out on my lesbian education).

    For the most part, things are going well this week. My fiancee and I had our 4th anniversary last night (which featured an enormous amount of sushi), and today we’re adopting a bearded dragon (her idea, not mine). I’ve been a little stressed out this morning- I have a lot of things I need to take care of (wedding planning, working on a class paper, trying to figure out why my code isn’t giving me the results it’s supposed to, reviewing the literature for my major doctoral research project/grant proposal, call my mom, etc), but I’m feeling a bit calmer now. Hopefully that’ll remain the case for the rest of the day.

    Lastly, on a very upbeat note, my fiancee and I had an absolute blast at Pride last weekend. It’s the first time I’ve been since I came out, and honestly, it was nothing short of life-changing. I love the vibe and the acceptance, and it’s been a bit difficult going back into the Real World- though we both want to make a point to seek out more queer spaces going into the future, places with a similar atmosphere.

    Anyway, here’s us messing around in the photobooth:

    • I audibly gasped at that adorable dog! Your week sounds DOPE. Good luck on your wedding planning.

      Pride (in Chicago) was one of my first experiences in a queer space and it was life-changing for me. I did a big research project when I was in college in London about queer spaces in the UK and it was interesting to see the differences between there and here. Living in California I feel spoiled because I feel like there’s always a safe place to go in LA or SF.

    • Teacup mastiff?? I have never heard of this before and it is clearly too bad for me, WHAT A SWEET LITTLE FACE!

      • Heh, he’s really a Mastiff mix, but we call him that because he has comically short legs (we think he might be part bulldog), and because he really, sincerely believes he’s a lapdog, and behaves accordingly. And yes, he is adorable :-)

    • OMG YOUR DOGGIE LOOK AT YOUR DOGGIE.

      yeah sens8 has some annoying not-great race stuff but really a++++ with gender and sexuality like those two I was like SHUT UP FOR BEING BEAUTIFUL AND THE MOST SUPPORTIVE ALL THE TIME JESUS.

      wedding planning is a shitshow, I enjoyed a practical wedding and offbeat bride and also making a tiny filter on my fb to yell about how absurd my family was being. good luck have fun!

      • The planning hasn’t been actually been that bad- partially because we broke down and hired a wedding planning consultant, who gave us a lovely roadmap/checklist and a whole bunch of referrals. Also, we are making a deliberate effort to ignore what either of our parents demands that we have at our wedding (though this is more for mine than hers), which has also kept the pressure off.

    • I love Jennifer Egan’s A Visit From The Goon Squad. It’s kind of a short story collection but all the stories are interconnected. Very good night time read.

    • Personally I’d bring a novel I know really well and is like a well worn teddy bear, because I am likely to go to bed extremely overstimulated and tired while at camp and just need the hug of some familiar comforting words. I’m thinking either Harry Potter or Pride & Prejudice.

    • olga’s rec or something familiar both seem like good ideas. seems like short stories might be nice. i’ve been trying to think about things that aren’t too heavy, ’cause it seems like you’ll already have enough emotions going on at camp probably, but also things that maybe have some weight to them at the same time? i’m not sure if that makes sense, but it feel like maybe what i would want. i thought about sherman alexie’s the lone ranger and tonto fistfight in heaven, and it’s pretty solid. alexie is funny, but he also covers some pretty serious topics, covering things like racism and native american reservation life. and it’s interconnected short stories. jhumpa lahiri’s short story collection interpreter of maladies could be good, too. it’s really interesting and well written. or if you wanted to go with something that was just fun, light reading, i love jasper fforde’s thursday next series. the first one is called the eyre affair, and it involves traveling into the novel jane eyre. the series is pretty weird and funny, especially if you’re familiar with “classic” lit like jane eyre and dickens and stuff.

        • definitely not too many words

          i have never read any sherman alexie and it might be high time to remedy that.

      • I LOVE that Alexie book! SO GOOD.

        Another good read that is both serious and lighthearted at the same time is Marvel’s Hawkeye or Image’s Sex Criminals. Both are by the same writer.

    • I’m a fan of bringing books of poetry on trips. I haven’t found a book of poetry I love as much as Nayyirah Waheed’s “Salt;” It gives me a lot to reflect on, to be critical of and to remember, as well as be comforted by.

      I agree with Caitlin, and would prefer to bring something I’m familiar with, rather than take the risk that I might not like it.

    • PLEASE BRING A BOOK TO READ ALOUD AT A-CAMP. I love being read aloud to in cozy cabins at night. (Actually, I’m not sure if I’ve ever experienced this, but I love hearing campfire stories, so it sounds like the type of thing I would like.) AAAHHH I’M SO EXCITED ABOUT A-CAMP!

    • Spindle’s End by Robin McKinley. It’s my favorite comfort read and I recommend taking it literally anywhere.

  10. I just finished Wayward Pines last week after putting it off for a long time. It was so good. Episodes 5 and 6 fucked me up. I was not prepared for the truth. Or that ending. I really wasn’t.

    • I’m just so shocked that Wayward Pines has amassed the following it has! I was so wrong — I totally predicted it would be a shitty flop.

      • I thought it was going to be awful just based on the fact that M. Night was attached to it but I was wrong. I think it helps that he’s not the only one in charge over there. I’m still mad at him about Avatar though.

  11. I can’t say I really hit any solid objects, besides almost slipping in a puddle(my right leg saved me). The only shows I am worried about being cancelled are the ones I am into(which a portion of are Netflix shows). Yeah some of them aren’t the best(Flaked is good not great), but I invested some time and I’d like to see how it ends. Still kind of sad over that FX show Terriers(it had a lot of potential).

    Other than having a flat tire yesterday after work my week was pretty quiet. I will say that changing a flat tire on a Mercedes suv(fathers car) is a bit more work than it should be(they give you a pump and flat spare that takes too long to fill).
    On the more positive the new Defotnes album came out today and it was good. My birthday is tomorrow, but have no plans for Saturday yet. But, Sunday I am going to meet Carrie Brownstein and get her to autograph a copy of her book(and ask her to come join us over here at Autostraddle). Still not sure what color lipstick to wear, maybe red? Or should I go a vibrant purple(with hints of glitter)? Ideas? Then weather permitting, which I think it will by then, go to the beach to relax with friends and snacks.

    I think the rat problem in the city is getting serious.

    And here are some flowers for everyone at Autostraddle.

    Thank you for viewing and reading my post. Have a positive weekend!

    • omg I got a flat tire a few weeks ago, it’s such a nightmare. Bless AAA.

      I am so on board for Carrie Brownstein to join a FOT.

    • Oh I forget I did this yesterday:
      Tried to call a Christian radio station I stumbled across when trying to find ESPN. They were talking bathroom laws and trans people. I was so infuriated as a trans Jew, that I called them. The screener called me a unfaithful sinner(not sure if it’s cause I’m trans or cause I’m a Jew), and hung up on me. Yet using the t slur on the radio from callers is ok. Woman even suggest if a school will allow trans women to share bathrooms with other girls take your kids out of school. That even teaching on a park bench is better than sharing a bathroom with us.

      • wow that is the worst i’m sorry. i don’t understand why some “christians” insist on being the absolute worst. ugh.

    • ? A rat problem! That picture! Pure gold. This really made my crapy day brighter!

      Oh you should invest in an electron air pump that can be powered by your vehicle. It saves a lot of time and energy. Always keep an emergency road side bag full of tools and other quick fix things for emergencies.

      As for the lipstick, red sounds like a great choice. Very classic and can do wonders for an outfit and it can be very sexy with the right expression. I am courious about the other color though. Vibrant purple…glitter…..go for the shiny! Rock those purple lips like you are the reason blue and red mix so well together! ?

      • Well that positive to here. The pump that comes with the car is electric model powered by the car, just a slow one.
        As for the purple color, think of it as bright matte purple finish.

    • That is so awesome that you are getting to meet Carrie Brownstein!!! I just started reading her book and it’s already made me cry. I just love Sleater-Kinney so much. I bet whichever lipstick you choose it will look awesome and Carrie Brownstein will be totally impressed.

      And that’s a beautiful flower. I love the pop of color, it’s so cheerful.

      • Thank you. Yes, the book is a bit of tear jerker. I really wanted to watch the bonus video that comes with the special edition e-book, but sadly you need a Kindle Fire tablet or phone for it to work. The Kindle OS is just a fork of Android, which my phone runs, but I guess they want you to buy their hardware.

    • Happy birthday!

      I agree about the new Deftones album. I finally got to see them live for the first time last year. If you have a chance to see them at the Greek in August, run, don’t walk.

      I’m hoping to go to see Carrie Brownstein too. Lucky you, getting to meet her. I recently read her book. I had never read much of anything about her or the band, just have been a big fan of Sleater-Kinney’s music. I learned so much and laughed a lot about her childhood stories too.

      • I love the Greek theatre, good place to see them. Seen deftones live around 4 time and never stop to amaze.

        [ saw Sleater Kinney live last year at the palladium and was blown away!

  12. Trees are dangerous. They can make you fall in love with them and then one day they just leaf.

    Sending out virtual hugs today. If you want one, you get one from me.

    So after a year of actually being healthy and working out, I lost 90lbs. Lost more inches than pounds because of muscle gain. I am happy because instead of fitting an XL male shirt, I can now fit a medium. Yay me.

    Oh and this pretentious a-hole in my Microeconomics class kept glaring at me the entire class period because I got a perfect score on a quiz and he didn’t. I feel like I am stuck in a forced rivalry or something with the guy. I did nothing to guy either.

    I told my mom and she gave me red lipstick. She said it is my “Bitch” lipstick and “every woman needs one”. Something about red being a power color and signals confidence. The key is to look like you own your space and guys will either leave you alone, or give you attention. Either way, I will control the situation. I guess it might work for me. I have a resting bitch face.

    In other news, my partner hates that I get on this site. She doesn’t trust you women.

    • 90lbs!!!! That’s amazing. Good for you for setting a goal and crushing it!

      My bitch lipstick is “aubergine” from Bite. It makes me look like a business casual goth.

    • Oh man, the glaring because of the perfect score and setting you up in some sort of unwanted rivalry is such a typical guy thing… MARK YOUR TERRITORY. Lipstick sounds like a solid plan

    • What does your partner think this is, Tinder?
      This is a community site, not a dating or hook up service.

      We’re not here to steal ya, we’re here to befriend ya, commiserate and celebrate with ya on stuff that affects the LBTGIQ community as whole and other topics that could or would matter to a person like you.
      In some case mourn with you because that’s what communities do.

  13. Happy friday everybody!!!

    Congratulations on being almost done healing from a scary accident <3 I can definitely relate to the ~wrong~ feeling in one's mouth. I had it once when I had four teeth pulled at once, once when I had my braces taken out after they'd been in for what I now estimate to be four years. You get used to it. GOOD LUCK with watching TV die, hope you can catch a break soon!

    I had a week from hell this week, which included having found a place to live, being turned down for the same place to live, being turned down for another place to live, getting into work late, and not sleeping enough even one night. I'm about to be evicted from my home because my asshole landlord wants to sell our house and I can't find anywhere to live. I'm beginning to panic. All of this culminated in a ridiculous fight with my best friend yesterday wherein she raised some valid points about shit that I had been doing wrong and my sleepless, stressed out brain couldn't handle it. I almost self-harmed for the first time in almost a year and I basically had a complete mental breakdown! Not fun. After that I took a nap. I'm back on the long, hard road back up.

    On the plus side, I completed my assignments for the getting-accepted-into-university procedure within three minutes of the deadline. YES!!!!

    Plans for the upcoming weeks include: FINDING A PLACE TO LIVE, getting enough sleep, really, definitely finding a place to live and, lastly, accepting that the road to recovery includes crashing and burning sometimes!

    Good luck to everyone with the next week!!!
    MUCH LOVE

    • You can do it!! I’m sorry your week has been shitty. Finding an apartment is the WORST. I had a really hard time finding my current apartment (the housing market in LA is insane) and on the day a friend offered me the sublease in their place and I moved in, that friend accidentally broke my foot. The apartment had too many stairs so I had to find a new one with a broken foot and it was just too much stress at the time. :( Luckily I met someone who needed a roommate and handled the process for both of us.

      Sleep will definitely help. My mantra is “a tired brain is not to be trusted.” Whenever I get anxious/paranoid thoughts late at night I try to remind myself over and over that my tired brain is a dick.

      • @olgalexell YES!! I notice that anything my psych would call a symptom of anything ALWAYS catches me when I’m tired. Of course, the trouble sleeping could in itself be considered a symptom. For example, of living in a capitalist hell where I have to go to room viewings at night but then get up for work at 04:30. But seriously. A tired brain IS not to be trusted. Always a good reminder <3

        Also, that finally finding a room and then losing it because your new roommate broke your foot story is just… Slapstick levels of bad luck, holy shit. So happy to hear you found something soon after. I live in The Netherlands where finding housing as a student means you basically have to show up to recruitment nights where all the other roommates that live somewhere judge you and ten other strangers, and no way in hell they're gonna pick you. Bad for the self esteem!!! I hope I'll get lucky soon, too.

        • omg wow!!! I did not know the Netherlands had anything like that??? That’s so interesting/bizarre.

      • @laseule MANY HUGS YES PLEASE ♡♡♡ and many in return!!! By the way, I sent you a PM a while ago but I have no idea how those work, really, so I’ll repeat the content here:

        I LOVE YOUR ICON

  14. ugh tv. i don’t watch much of it, but i’m too deep into ABC’s Castle. that is the only show i watch religiously because come on.. Nathan Fillion? Stana Katic? they have such great chemistry, not to mention i have the biggest, absolute biggest, gayest crush on Stana. *siiigh* but i am totally worried that this might be their last season :(

    i definitely need new shows to watch and ohhhhh music! i can’t forgot about music. i’ve been jamming to old school j. lo the past 2 weeks. i need an upgrade in music playlists asap!

    • YEs Stana Katic! I’m pretty sure both me and my dad have a major crush on that lady that neither of us discuss. Just the nod of the head of acknowledgement.

  15. less dramatic than yours for sure, but i had a pretty solid bust when i went skiing like a month ago. i hurt my leg a little and one of my thumbs. my thumb is still hurting so i finally googled about it, and apparently it’s actually fairly common to hurt your thumb from a fall while skiing – they call it skier’s thumb. weeeeird. that fall also convinced me that i should get a helmet. i’d been holding out even though it seems like it has become very common to wear one these days. hitting my head pretty solidly on the ground made me realize i was being a dumbass though, lol.

    i haven’t really been watching much tv lately. i love jane the virgin, but i’m behind on it by several episodes. just finished united states of tara on netflix a couple weeks ago. that’s about it. i’ve watched a few of the movies on autostraddle’s list of lesbian movies on netflix. wasn’t crazy about kyss mig or show me love, but i really liked mosquita y mari (even tho it was toooo short).

    • Skiing is trash! I’ve concluded. I wasn’t wearing a helmet at the time but the paramedic told me a helmet wouldn’t have done anything (I hit the tree with my chin). I probably won’t ski anymore but if I do go I’ll wear a full motorcycle helmet, along with Batman’s mech suit from Batman v Superman (I HATE MYSELF FOR SEEING THAT MOVIE).

      Netflix NEEDS But I’m A Cheerleader.

      • haha skiing IS trash, but i also love it. motorcycle helmet and batman suit sound like a good plan. (i’m glad i didn’t see that movie.)

        i didn’t realize but i’m a cheerleader isn’t on netflix. i saw it at some point when it was. it’s a fun movie.

        • skiing is doubly awful for me because my SO has been doing it since like age 2 and I have done it like 1.5 times and am terrible (CLEARLY).

  16. You people should know better than to ask me for dog pictures by now. I am a Crazy Dog Person who has an unlimited supply and will proudly show off every last one.

    The “bed” in that picture is actually a folded-up pool chair cushion. Apparently it’s perfect for nesting/stacking.

    And this one’s actually a picture of a picture of Reid – a local artist (Lisa Whitehouse of Whitehouse Art) did a painting of him. I love the colours!

    Speaking of TV, I was super-happy to see that a character on Quantico came out on this week’s episode. Especially because I may or may not have a crush on said character. Although I’ve been spoiled by binge-watching Netflix – I actually have to wait a week to find out how this character’s going to be treated. I CAN’T HANDLE SUSPENSE, GUYS.

    In the real world, my life has been kind of… meh. My PCOS/endo/hormone issues/whatever-the-hell-I-have has been acting up, so I’m in constant low-level pain and drained a lot. [TMI warning] There’s something cruel about going through menopause and puberty at the same time when you’re only 23… I’ve been baking a lot because it’s therapeutic (anyone else do this?) though, which has made my roommate and friends very happy. Also, if anyone wants approximately 1L of salted caramel or 34234253 cookies, I’m accepting bids ;)

    Oh, and Olga? Please don’t run into trees. That goes for all of you, really.

    • KATE THAT PHOTO OF STACKED DOGS IS JUST A LEVEL BEYOND ANYTHING I COULD HAVE ASKED FOR. I’m fanning myself. Those snouts!

      Ummm I wish I knew you irl so I could get in on the byproducts of therapeutic baking. I find cooking in general very relaxing. I hope you start to feel better soon :(

      • Actually, there are probably 3. Reid likes to hide behind/under Penny – you wouldn’t see him in this picture, but I’m pretty sure he was in there.

      • !!!!!!

        I was scrolling and stopped to coo at that little white face and then kept scrolling and literally screamed THERE IS ANOTHER ONE! and clapped and now my GF is upset I’m not paying attention to the debate show she is engrossed in.

  17. Hi! This made my week: I work in middle school and today a student asked me “Why are there only male authors in our book?” (there are literally ONLY male authors in their book) and I got my long-awaited chance to embark on a feminist rant, which they appreciated! This topped an exhausting and otherwise pretty interesting week, I made a one-day trip to Bologna Children’s Book fair, which was enormous and amazing. I spent time with my mum, and it’s been a relief to see that it’s slowly getting less awkward after I first came out to her not long ago.
    Now I’m spending the evening home, cause I’m working tomorrow. I’ve just caught a sentence from the news talking about the infinite magnaminity of the church and saying sth like “no gay marriage, but acceptance for all.” Ah, yes, we have a long way to go. But today’s discussion has made me feel a bit better.

    • GOOD ON YOU for teaching them about the patriarchy. I wish my teachers had called that stuff out in school. I don’t think I got to read a single book written by a woman in high school except To Kill a Mockingbird.

  18. The air is so gloriously scented today, that it feels like someone who loves you pulling you down into a field of wildflowers, and feeding you honey. I am fortunate enough to have a half hour walk to the bus stop that is full of sights like this:

    Of course, once I get to work things can get a little more surreal. This week, I was asked how to get the smell out of the crotch of panties, because it was a real problem. Just to clarify, I work in a bedding store, not a doctor’s office or laundry.
    I am continuously amazed at what personal info clients will share. I suppose they feel comfortable?

    I hope all your days are filled with only pleasant scents…whatever those may be for you!

    • That’s a beautiful photo! I love all the cherry trees in bloom at this time of year – I almost expect the branches to collapse because they’re so full of flowers! I think my favorite spring smells are lilac and hyacinth. It’s early for most lilacs here, but last night I was taking a walk and I inhaled a huge breath of lilac air and it was wonderful. I love the sweet spring air when it doesn’t make my allergies too bad.

  19. I spent all last weekend being sick and at the end of it my girlfriend and I had a fight and she hasn’t been home or communicating all week so that’s been my week. My dreams have been dramatic but too vague to properly recall when I wake up and I feel like I have been consistently flying into a solid object for the past eight days. I’m really tired of reading posts from women writing about their shitty husbands staying out too late at guys’ night so if anyone wants to send me the lesbian guide to when your live-in partner disappears for days please do.

    • Hey Laura!

      I don’t have a lot of concrete advice for you but Hannah & Maggie have a lyric that goes “meet you on the other side of all my darkest days” and when my partner and I aren’t as connected or I am having a dark time and can’t connect with anyone it is at least comforting to think of it like that, that I can at least just meet them on the other side.

  20. Ugh I’m sorry to hear about your skiing accident! I love skiing and have had some scary falls/slides, but thankfully no injuries. I have had dreams about teeth falling out, but I always have weird/vivid dreams, so that’s nothing too abnormal for me.

    I can’t really answer the topic to this thread because I don’t actually watch tv. I mean I’m not anti-TV, and sometimes I watch YouTube bloggers, but I haven’t ever owned a TV, and it just doesn’t interest me enough to start watching popular shows. I feel like this tends to leave me out of a lot of pop-culture conversations. I like books though, especially nonfiction audiobooks from the library. So I guess that’s how I entertain myself instead? I liked the “orange is the new black” memoir, as well as “out of orange” by Cleary (piper’s co-conspirator/ex-lover), but I’ve heard it doesn’t align very closely with the tv series.

    I don’t have a dog either, sorry. :( so instead of dog pictures, I’ll just post some outdoor photos that I took over my days off.

    Mt. Si – it was misty and windy, but the fog cleared right as we reached the top to show a view of North Bend below. (For those of you who aren’t familiar with this area, it’s where the series Twin Peaks was filmed.)

    Rattlesnake Lake – no rattlesnakes live in this region, so I have no idea how it got its name. It was really beautiful when we went, reflecting the blue sky. Last fall, the lake volume was extremely low, revealing dead stumps everywhere, but it’s much fuller now thanks to our rainy winter.

    Woodland wildflowers (trilliums) – found at Dash Point State Park.

    Purple seastar – low tide beachwalk at Point Defiance.

    • Rattlesnake Lake!! When I took geology in college, we did like a case study or something about Rattlesnake Lake! I think we were calculating the depth or volume or something? I have no idea, that name just jumped out at me and I have to say, your photo is a million times more beautiful than whatever black-and-white diagram was in my geology book :)

      Your outdoor adventures are very inspiring and it makes me want to go do something this weekend except there is nothing to see anywhere near my city except rice fields and soybean fields…

    • Whoa I’ve been most of those places and your photos are so good that I feel guilty that I am currently failing to go out and take advantage of living so close to so much pretty nature. Especially since the weather is actually nice. And I totally didn’t realize that was where Twin Peaks was filmed…in spite of having been there. (Er, or close to there? Somewhere on the Snoqualmie river at least? It was a while back.)

    • Thank you for the compliment on the photos everyone! My brother is the real photographer in our family… I’m just an iPhone novice, haha. I’m trying to make the most of my home in the pacific nw before I move to Florida to start grad school! There will be plenty of new scenery to explore though.

      • Exposure to good compositions make it more likely you will recognise a good one when you see it in life and successfully capture it.

        Trust me.

  21. I have been hatewatching The 100 as it put the waterskis on with the death of Lexa, and fully sailed over the shark with the last episode full of self harm, torture porn, and rape. So bad. And people are still arguing what consent is. I hate everything.

    Off to watch Legend of Korra because it soothes my soul.

    • Right there with ya. Was majorly depressed after Lexa’s death despertly needed happy endings so someone recommended legend of korra and i binged watched 4 seasons in 4 days.

  22. I think that I don’t want to have any part of my body re-implanted, ever. Olga, you are a TROOPER. Also I just finished season one of Jane the Virgin recently, and holy wow, it is amazing. Happy Friyay everyone!

  23. I GOT INTO UNI!!
    I’m moving to Glasgow in September to start learning to be a nurse! I’m so chuffed. It’s a super good course and they liked me and I liked the city and it’s going to be so cool.(Also, I know no one within 100 miles of the place, so if you want to be my friend PLEASE LET ME KNOW.)

    Also, I’ve been to my second gaelic football training session. I wasn’t the worst at fitness! Well pleased at that one. Turns out I am terrible at kicking a round ball, but I’m keen and it’s been loads of fun so far!

    That’s my week. Now to work the whole weekend away. AHh.

    • That’s huge! Congrats!! I’m thinking of going to Scotland in the fall. I studied abroad in London and the only place I really got to see up there was Edinburgh but I loved it. I really want to check out the Highlands.

    • Super bonus points for using the word “chuffed”

      I ordered clothes from Asos last week (I am American and never had discovered them before) and was delighted when they sent me an e-mail telling my my order had been “despatched” instead of shipped.

      These stories are not connected except that I find all of these words charming

      CONGRATULATIONS YOU ARE GOING TO KICK SO MUCH ASS AS A NURSE. OR HEAL SO MUCH ASS. OR JUST GENERALLY HEAL PEOPLE. I’LL STOP NOW BECAUSE THIS SENTENCE ISN’T GOING WELL.

    • Congrats! Oddly I moved to Glasgow when I dropped out of uni but can confirm its flippin awesome! Have a fantastic time :)

    • :) Congratulations! Moving away, to a whole new city and country, is going to challenge and expand your perspectives so greatly! I’m thrilled for you. :)

  24. No teeth dreams, but I have been having teeth related weirdness…I have an extra tooth in my mouth that’s been showing on xrays for the past six years or so, but only this year started peeking out of my gums. It’s been growing out very slowly and I’m supposed to get it removed in the summer, but for the most part it’s been pretty unobtrusive. But yesterday my tongue started feeling really sore and I realized that the tooth has been poking into/stabbing the side of my tongue for like the past two days, and it’s at the point where eating/having a mouth is pretty uncomfortable. I’m not sure what I can actually do about it until the semester ends besides trying to actively hold my tongue somewhere it won’t get poked. It’s a really minor problem but it’s been on my mind all day and the mention of teeth reminded me of it, lol.

    • Okay, so this is going to sound weird. But have you seen or read Fingersmith? There’s a scene where Sue wears down a sharp bit of Maud’s tooth that’s causing her pain with a thimble (and the scene is super intimate because they are touching hands to face and trusting one another and I don’t even remember).

      Basically, what I’m saying is my reading of smutty gay literature as a teenager informs me you should be able to ‘sand down’ the sharp tooth bit somehow. Maybe. I don’t know, I was mostly there for the sex.

      • Ahaha, I haven’t, but I was thinking of maybe trying to sand it down a little too…I’ll probably look into that in a day or two if the pain doesn’t stop *-*

  25. I too have made head contact with a tree while skiing! I was in sixth grade skiing in the glades at the end of the night with my dad and my brother. My skis managed to get under a log that had been covered fully with snow earlier in the day. The bindings snapped, and I did my best impression of a bird until my flight was cut short by a tree contacting mostly the side of my head, but much of the rest of me too. I was pretty dazed and not wearing a helmet, but I shook it off like a champ and skied down to the lodge, where taking off my black hat I noticed it was very wet in one area. Oh wait, that’s not because I was sweating a lot, it was blood. My dad was Not Thrilled with this development and we went off to see ski patrol, who bandaged my head like a was a civil war soldier, gave me some ice, and sent me on my way because it didn’t look like I had a concussion. My mom had a conniption when I came home, rightfully so, because when I visited the doctors a few days later a.) I probably actually did have a minor concussion b.) I really had needed a few stitches in my head that I did not get.

    So high five for surviving tree/head contact, and I’m glad you were able to heal well!

    For anyone who has been following my medical mystery pain in the comment section, well, yep, it’s still there, and still nobody has any ideas on what’s going on. Right now thoughts are ucler?????? nerve pain???????? idk??????? so I’ve just gotten prescriptions to a bunch of different drugs to hopefully help make me not feel so much pain and might shed some light on the cause (eg if the stuff for treating ulcers helps, then oh hey it was probably an ulcer).

    • OMG. I’m glad you survived too! That’s so scary. Mine happened at Mt Baldy in SoCal. Ski patrol were real champs about it and from the get-go were like ALL OF YOUR BONES ARE BROKEN AND YOU HAVE A CONCUSSION DO NOT MOVE. When I finally got to the ER it turned out nothing was actually broken and I didn’t have a concussion (miracle of miracles), just had to have all the teeth put back in. They were so sure my jaw was totally shattered though. But the ER sent me on my way without giving me stitches and when I got to the maxillofacial surgeon to have my teeth fixed he was like “ummm you have a HOLE going through completely your lip how did they not give you stitches???”

      • I mean to be fair to the ski patrol my pupils WERE responding normally to light when they checked me out and I didn’t have any headache or nausea or any symptom of concussion. My pupils just…sort of stopped responding to light normally at a later time point.

        The weird part is that that injury didn’t scar at all. But the head injury I got last summer whitewater kayaking (because my helmet got ripped mostly off my head) that got stitched up did scar. I also probably should have gone to the hospital for that head injury but I went, nah, not having any concussion symptoms and my friend had her suture kit, so let’s stitch this puppy up sitting on the bed of our other friend’s truck.

  26. I’m too sad to read all y’all’s comments. My first partner every just broke up with me. It surprised me so much cuz I was happy. And it’s like a punch in the throat and now I’m just crying all over the place. So this weekend I’m sure I’ll be ready all sorts of things from the AS archives about break ups :( Comfort me and give advice plz. <3

    • I’m so sorry! :( I think Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt is a good break-up remedy. It’ll put you in a good mood and make you feel like nothing is impossible.

    • *hugs* i’m sorry that happened. i think just be kind to yourself and take it one day at a time. feelings don’t often listen to logic, and you’ve gotta just be patient with it and give yourself time to be sad. distractions are solid, though! i’ll second kimmy schmidt and toss in a jane the virgin rec. also if your weather is as lovely as it is here, try to do nice active outside things and soak up some sunshine. that’s always good for you.

    • TAYLOR!

      *Your bed is a safe space and it’s ok to hang out there

      *If you can handle horror movies, they are very distracting and don’t have romance in them

      *Here is a giant hug from me

    • I am going through the same thing. My girlfriend and I broke up last weekend and it wasn’t necessarily a surprise but it’s just a really sad situation because she was the first person I’ve ever been in love with so I do not have any advice but I am here feeling the pain with you this weekend :(

      But actually what has been helping me is to read everyone’s comments on Autostraddle! Because where I live, it seems like everyone gets engaged/married/paired off pretty young so pretty much no one I know is single. And it sort of makes me feel like I am failing at life. But reading Autostraddle helps make me aware that there’s a whole huge world out there besides just the city where I live, and that there’s lots of people out there who are single or starting over in their 20s, 30s, or beyond.

  27. Haven’t watched any tv in forever, unless you count marathoning Harry Potter movies on vacation with my little sister and fiancée. But I did get a dog about a month ago!!! And we had to come to Chicago without her for the weekend! I almost stayed home- but we found a friend to hang out with her at our home! So I’m in Chicago entertaining myself and its cold! Fiancée is at national occupational therapy conference and I came along because it’s her birthday weekend. I’m in lakeview so I just strolled through boystown, but what about the ladies? Do we get a town?

    • I grew up in Chicago! It’s the best. It did always bother me that it was just called Boystown.

  28. FRIDAY!!! So how are you guys? I’m doing great! AH OMG I FINALLY MADE IT HERE ON TIME FOR ONCE. LOL. Sorry if I’ve been MIA for the past FOT. So how have you been! Hair still amazing? What about your furbabies? and your babies! Little humans!! Omg you guys, it’s already April and Camp will be here soon! Are you guys ready!!

    TV! I don’t watch (I like typed the word ‘read’) TV a lot. Mostly Jeopardy on my days off..and that’s about it. I usually watch online. My show interests include Walking Dead and Game of Thrones! WALKING DEAD YOU GUYS!! OMG. For those who have not read the comics, BE PREPARED WITH SOME TISSUES. For those who have, do you think they’ll keep it that way? Tell me everything dead heads! As for Game of Thrones, it’s coming back!! OMG you guys. JON *sob emoji* times a million. Other than those…uh sometimes I’ll watch whatever my parents have on for like a few minutes.

    Running literally took over my life OMG. So like 2 weeks ago I did Hot Chocolate Run in San Diego. I had a fun time being in downtown SD by myself and sort of exploring. The breweries were super tempting but I had to remind myself over and over again that I had 9.3miles to do in the morning. Around mile 8 something I started cramping bad in left hamstring and somewhere along my right foot/leg. I got so scared I wasn’t going to finish but stopping and walking for about a few minutes helped. Look at me and all my chocolate things!

    Also I’m so happy to report that my friends and I finished our 200-ish mile relay race from Huntington Beach to San Diego!!! OMG YOU GUYS IT WAS SO UNBELIEVEABLE. I would do it again. In fact, I think we’re trying out the lottery for Napa later on this year. Yep, that’s how you know you’re pretty nuts. You did an overnight relay and that wasn’t enough so you want to do it again. Our team name was Soles of Mischief. Man, the experience was amazing you guys. If you love running, I recommend this 100%.

    Finishing my first run and handing off to my teammate Peaches

    One of my teammates exchange points in Solano Beach at around 530/6am

    The end of someone’s run and also major exchange with van 2 around midnight! We went to Denny’s after this. None of us can recall too much what happened at Dennys because we had to run again around 4am.

    The end of my last run around the Del Mar area!!!

    View of my last run

    Team pic at the end. We finished around 4/430pm

    All 12 medals

    So at the end your team is handed a set of 12 medals and when you put them together, that’s they look like from the back. Here is the message:
    “WE BELIEVE THAT BEING A RAGNARIAN IS ABOUT MORE THAN BEING A RUNNER; THAT MISERY LOVES COMPANY AND HAPPINESS IS “ONLY REAL WHEN IT’S SHARED”; THAT THERE IS A BADASS INSIDE ALL OF US; THAT EVERYONE DESERVES TO BE CHEERED AT THE FINISH LINE; THAT TUTUS MAKE YOU RUN FASTER; THAT WHAT HAPPENS IN THE VAN STAYS IN THE VAN; THAT ADVENTURE CAN ONLY BE FOUND IF YOU ARE LOOKING FOR IT; AND THAT A LITTLE SLEEP DEPRIVATION IS A SMALL PRICE TO PAY TO WATCH THE SUN RISE WITH OUR FRIENDS. TOGETHER WE RAN 200-ish MILES. TOGETHER WE CAN ACCOMPLISH ANYTHING. WE ARE RAGNARIANS.”

    Sorry for such a long post you guys! Thanks for reading everything!!

    PS We put our names in for the lottery for the Ragnar Napa Valley from SF to Calistoga. So in case, one of us gets picked……round two! And the California Republic medal!! This one is in November. FINGERS CROSSED

    • Oh my god you are a BADASS. Seriously!! I’m in LA and I’m over here entertaining like a Disneyland run and am too scared.

      • Do the disney run!! Make sure you register right when it opens because it usually sells out FAST. Im doing the 10k in September for disney!!

    • Is your team name by any chance inspired by the California Hip Hop group Souls of Mischief?

      That is pretty amazing run. I hope you get to do the Napa run. How was the chocolate at the end?

    • Hey, those look like really comfy/nice long running shorts, may I ask where you got them?

      • The ones Im wearing at the exchange are from North Face. Better than naked series. These are the mens one.. I can swear by these shorts. Very comfy and dont ride up. You might like the asics 7″ woven ones too that are mens. Theyre a lot like these but the material is lighter. Both have a tiny pocket in the back.

    • Congratulations to you and your team! I love the Ragnarian philosophy; so true. Good luck in the relay lottery.

      • Thanks. I really hope that we get it even if like I know that it would be pretty hard becuase more hills and mileage..

  29. I rarely remember my dreams but for some reason I remember one from this week. Evidentially I was dreaming about cipher codes. What? Why? I don’t know. But I do remember someone of undetermined gender speaking what a specific cipher would be read out loud. This has stayed with me because if someone ever asked me to read a coded passage out loud with letter swapping it would be an utmost disaster.

    Meanwhile I’ve been far too busy for a few things. The most important is: I’m moving cross country from Phoenix to Atlanta this summer! And I figured I’d mention that here in case someone out there has recommendations on moving, or must-do-Atlanta-Stuff or Apartments etc.

    I also decided I’d try to finish writing a novel this month –but I’m already behind and feeling rather poorly about it. Nothing to be done with that, though, except keep going and try not to dwell too much on negative self-talk.


    My feelings this week in gif

    • I’ve always wanted to go to Atlanta!

      My goal for the month is to finish a spec script of one of my favorite shows on TV, You’re the Worst, in time for all the TV network fellowships. My best advice is to do it with a small group so that everyone is there to hold you accountable and keep you on track.

      • I used to live a few hours away–but never in the city proper. As I recall–its pretty fun, certainly worth a visit. Mostly, I’m excited for seasons again.

        I actually did something like that! I had a small group of lgbt writing friends who all wanted to get some things done so I made a group focusing on a second goal (this one to complete in July) … and they don’t mind me using it for my near impossible goal either. We try to keep each other on track…while being kind because life likes to…spontaneously tell you to figure out how to ship your car cross country, for example.

        Ah, I don’t know how you do scripts! I took one course on it in undergrad and went “NOPE—–NOOOO”. I just could never quite get my head wrapped around it. So I think its awesome that they work for you (tricky things)

        • I had to ship my car from Chicago to LA a few years ago… I think it ended up costing about $800. I almost wish I’d just driven but it was a very last minute move so I didn’t have time.

          • So far it looks like it’ll be about $700-$800 depending on if i ship it to Atlanta proper or if I ship it to my parents place. Which isn’t too bad.

            I drove out to Phoenix two years ago–and it was fun excluding the dearly unwanted love confession. This time I’m working while moving so I can’t rationalize taking off a week for the drive on my own (or take the risk of asking for a co-driver and ending up with another confession)

  30. Still dealing with my own emotional fallout from the hard bank into a tree that The 100 did, having previously been one of my two favorite shows on TV (the other being Black Sails, which continues to be FUCKING AMAZING, especially now in comparison to what happened on the former).

    Olga! I am really sorry to hear about your tree-related accident, but super happy to hear that you are doing better/recovering. I feel like you’re due for some kind of amazingly relaxing getaway, preferably something that’s particularly kind to your face and teeth. I don’t know what that would be, but I feel like it probably exists.

    I used to have dreams about my teeth falling out a lot. I suspect it was stress/sexual frustration. Happy to report that’s been much less of a thing in recent years. Now my stress/sexual frustration manifests in new and different ways instead!

    Good times.

    • I did try to do a little getaway a few weeks ago by driving up to San Francisco for a few days and then taking the Pacific Coast Highway down through Big Sur which is beauuuuuutiful.

  31. That ’70s Show, which I had never previously seen, is now on Spanish Netflix. So I’ve been watching that, but every time Donna is on screen all I can see is baby ginger Alex Vause. It’s really confusing me a lot.

    • Does seeing Jackie(played by Mila Kunis), also remind you of a baby queer? Cause the last time I saw that show, I kept wishing she stop being with Ashton and be queer again.

  32. Hey! So I’m in the UK and I had 2 weeks off from school, so I marathoned The Fosters. It’s. So. Good. I haven’t felt this emotionally connected to a TV show in so long. Callie is a beautiful angel with glorious angel hair and I want to kiss her – very much so – but why is she dating /her brother/??? Mariana is a literal shining star and she is SUCH a role model. Honestly this show is to positive, realistic female characters as Spencer is to questionable choices from the wardrobe designer. And I can’t believe they actually said the words “genderqueer” and “heteronormative” on TV, guys. This is so cool. It’s just so progressive and so positive in so many ways, I wish I’d been counting because I can’t even begin to remember all the useful messages it’s sending. And while I’m still really young, it’s also got me thinking about queer family life a lot, and it’s opened my eyes to the intricacies of the foster system, and all its flaws, as OITNB did for me with the justice system. SOOO in short now I want to foster all the babies when I grow up. The Adams-Fosters are family and house goals, tbh. I only have like 7 episodes left to watch before school on Monday and I don’t know how I’m gonna wait till June before season 4 comes out. Heather’s recaps of season 3 have made me laugh a lot though!

    I also heard Tegan and Sara’s new songs Boyfriend and U-Turn this morning and I FREAKED OUT! I love Tegan and Sara so much. Their older stuff is SO great, and Call It Off is SUCH jam. I’m so excited to hear how LY2D pans out.

    And finally, I started my revision for my summer exams! I’m trying to start super early this year (I try every year but this year I’ve actually sort of done it) and I started with Physics because I suck at Physics, but it’s actually going pretty well and I haven’t even cried once, which has been a major shock.

    Love and virtual hugs to everyone! Have an amazing week!

  33. Holy shit, i’m glad you’re okay. And walked away with minimal facial damage. :s

    My week has been UUUGGGHHHHHHGHGHGHGHHGHGGGGGGHHHGHGHHHGG. My mother went & tracked my “father” (hereafter known as “sperm donor”) down on a new Twitter account & told me about what she found there– at least to a point. Last night she asked if i wanted to hear her latest.. i forget the word, & i was like “No.” She kept asking me why & i’m like, “Because. And get a therapist.” Which i know is hypocritical of me when i’m like “ehh fuck therapy it’s not working,” but i really think she should look into it. Because i’m pretty sure that she’s having a lot of intrusive thoughts & her imagination is going everywhere, & also, i feel like it’s unfair of her to be telling me & my younger brother certain stuff. I especially worry about my brother, because he has OCD like my mom, & so i’m worried her thoughts will lead him to have intrusive thoughts. I mean, i get intrusive thoughts, but i’m whatever. I can deal. Yknow?

    And i know she needs to get things off her chest & out of her mind, but… i just really don’t think my brother & i are the ones who should be told this stuff. We’re trying to deal with this, ourselves. We can’t be therapists for her, in more ways than one. And i know it’s selfish of me, but it really fucks with me when she tells me things, whether they’re based on fact or not. I know she’s angry & upset, i know she needs to talk, but, like, i can be having an okay day & then she’ll tell me something & it ruins it. Like, i’m trying to move forward despite my father’s bullshit & my mental health bullshit. I wish she’d get a therapist or at least look into it, but she was all, “oh, it’d be too difficult to get to.” UGH.

    So i’ve been angry this week, which is nothing new– i’ve been really irritable for months now. But i mean, angry bc of what mom told me. Suffice to say that i really shouldn’t have expected anything different of a white cis male.


    me^

    And i’ve got an earache. Luckily i found homeopathic ear drops, & i’ve been putting those in my ear. Sometimes they seem to work better than other times. It’s such a weeeeiiiird feeling, the liquid going in your ear. It makes me all shivery & twitchy & i make weird sounds. That sounds wrong. YOU’RE WELCOME, AUTOSTRADDLE MWAH MWAH

    In other news, i’m going to be vending at a super hippie/woo festival next month, so i’m making stuff to sell! My friend Zack actually drove me to Michaels yesterday, where i spent a disturbing amount of money, despite the efforts of the cashier to help me shave off as much as possible (the real MVP). A lot was on sale, though. I really hope that i’ll at least break even when it comes to the payment for the space i’m going to be at. (I also hope the person who’s supposed to be vending with me pays me her half of that money, like, within the week? How do you say to someone “Remember that money i mentioned? Yeah, give it”?)

    I mean, lookit all this stuff. IM A MONEY-SPENDING MONSTER lmao sob sob

    But i’m kinda excited, even more so because my Square came today!!

    So i’ll be able to take cards, which makes it way more likely that i’ll sell stuff!


    And i’m making an inventory, so i feel super professional hehehehe :B

    Also it was really fun hanging out with Zack & being ridiculous in Michaels. At some point i found feather boas & flung one over my face & was flailing around. That’s just one shenanigan; we saw two people pick up a wooden paddle type thing, & when they left the aisle, we were like, “KINKSHAAAAAAAME LMAOOOOOO” & then i was like “i was thinking of painting one of these slabs of wood & making it like a glittery thing to summon Satan do you think it would sell” & Zack was like “yes do it”

    And then i found SMOL WOOD THINGS & i was like “GAAAASP” & Zack died because i kinda flipped while there was another person in the aisle with us. I mean, i was acting pretty weird the entire time, but it was fun & gr8 & i made Zack laugh a lot. We also bonded briefly with someone over typography & i wanted to be like “HI NEW FRIEND” but alas, i didn’t.

    But, so, here’s some of the little things i’ve made already for next month!:

    I’m not really learned in the ways of jewelry making, so i’m pricing my stuff as low as possible, but like i said, i at least want to try & break even for the cost of vending. Since i still have no job, i’m hoping that this stuff will do something. Anything that doesn’t sell i can put up on my Etsy, which i can make little cards for, even, to give at the festival.

    Oh, & this past week, i made some approximation of miso ramen. As in, i went grocery shopping & then looked for recipes, so it was missing things, had things added, & was not exactly miso ramen. Like, no corn, or bamboo shoots, or bean sprouts. And i added tofu & wakame (which is so tiny when dry & BOY HOWDY DID IT FOOL ME BY TURNING INTO A FULL-ON KELP BED). But i made sure to get narutomaki.

    My brother didn’t like it, but my mom did. I thought it was pretty “ehh” myself; definitely not as good as restaurant ramen.

    But it was also the first real time that i’ve ever cooked anything myself, with minimal help. Which i’m sure will get me a load of side-eyes, but whatever. I went to a magnet school, so we didn’t have classes where you were taught how to cook. If you were doing that, it was because you in the Culinary prime. But, so, i made a whole thing of ramen, based off of notes, mostly on my own, & it was at least edible. That’s at least something.

    In closing, here’s a ridiculous comic i made, based off of a tea i had.

      • I’m gunna blame facebook or um maybe didya copy the image address or url from a thumbnail on facebook?
        I don’t know if that’s possible cause I don’t have a one, but all your images have a facebook url thing when I right click selection view them in a new tab.
        Not fluent enough in html to troubleshoot with Inspect.

        • I did copy from fb, but not from a thumbnail :c i opened the full image & then copied the image URL.

          I mean, it’s no biggie, except maybe it makes things a little difficult to see, it’s just weird bc i’ve never had it happen before, & i’ve copied image URLs from fb in the past many a time.

          • It’s okay I remembered to make my way back here on my own, like an adult or something.

            Maybe there’s some smart code thing from the FB side that realised multiple images were happening and it tries to help fit them all not knowing there’s going to be alot of space and type to buffer the images.
            Is that even possible/probably o tech people?

    • That ramen looks amazing!!!! And you are gonna KILL IT selling stuff. I definitely understand some of your mental health frustration as I’ve had lifelong OCD. Therapy is definitely important, as you said. :(

      • Aaa thank you! :D

        I really hope i do sell stuffs hahaha. :B I think i’m pricing things reasonably, & they look nice.

        Aaaaa i just wish my mom would do it. Like. I know it’s inconvenient, but i think it would be really good for her. Not even just because of her OCD, but because she needs someone who’s removed from the whole situation & who’s been trained to listen (ideally) & talk to people about stuff. Someone who could also then help her examine her thoughts & parse out the truths from the not-so-truths. CBT the shit outta those thoughts. ;P

        Of course, uh, im the one over here who’s like “i need to find another new therapist, except no forget it bc it doesn’t help” haha :’D

    • That ramen looks/sounds awesome!

      And I’ve been in that same situation with wanting/needing my parent to turn to outside help. It really sucks, sorry you’re dealing with it.

      • @silvercake Thank you! I personally think it looked better than it tasted. The ramen at a restaurant near the art museum i volunteer at is soooo good. Their shio ramen… hhhh

        It really does suck :( See, she doesn’t drive, & her knees are really bad, so i think that makes her feel she can’t take the buses? Because of the walking, i guess? So she’s all, “oh, I can’t do that, because it’s too much trouble”, because i’m pretty sure she’s thinking then her only option is to ask the 2 sisters who do support her (her family’s trash) to take her to any appointments– which she does already, for stuff like the lawyer. So she’s all, “oh, I can’t ask them to do anything more.” It’s… frustrating, tbh. :\ But i obviously can’t force her.

  34. I have been rewatching Orphan Black Season 3, because it just arrived on UK Netflix, and Cosima. But TBH tv has taken a major back seat while I’ve been on staycation because I have mainlined Fallout 4 for 3 weeks and Piper is my wasteland girlfriend. I’m at the point where I’m driving along IRL spotting junk by the roadside and thinking oh I need that to build a water pump…worrying really. Ah well back to work on Monday and I’ll not be playing for months again.
    I forgot my imgur password so no dog pics sorry *sigh*
    Have great weekends folks :)

      • Yeah we have very little other stuff that you guys get tho. Mostly they option BBC stuff and shows no one is airing like PLL and OUAT. Before they fixed it so you couldn’t get US over here my friend had it. That’s how I caught up on PoI and Agents of Shield. So many acronyms here.

  35. Ah skiing or as I like to call it, flying death sticks.
    I’m too much of a Southern flatlander that grew up sliding down the grassy side of a levy on a piece of cardboard to understand why anyone would do a more dangerous version that involves pointy sticks or a chance of running into something that can’t try to roll or run outta your way.

    Not condemning just…humans are still strange and fascinating to me in the ways we have fun. Sometimes I wonder if there’s other intelligent life and they’re avoiding us because we’re like fucking orcs or something to them.
    Purposely drinking poison, locomotion at high speeds via various methods even some that could cause explosions if we crash. Oh bouncy castles and gymnastics too.
    And then there’s like the fact we replace or reinforce body parts and joins with METAL.

    Homo sapien sapiens be crazy.

    What’s also crazy is I’m excitedish about the coming season of GOT, I should of dumped all interest after that scene with Joffrey’s body lying in state because how the fuck did the writers make that. Did they read the same book passage I did? Or did they just decide to spice it up because it wasn’t screwy enough begin with.
    Still mad about that and other things, but I cannot quit it because ice zombie apocalypse, dragons, and a promised prince.

    The only show that has my heart for real tho is Jessica Jones.

    My week was like stumbling over and into stuff, in good and bad ways.
    I stumbled on the fact I can sing Sefardi music in Ladino and despite not having a true fluency in Spanish can understand the lyrics.

    For example this
    https://youtu.be/qcsXH0Uv-vE

    I already knew I could throw my voice around like that and hold long notes, but to hear it in words I understand not just straight wordless sound like usual was…I don’t know what to say.

    • omg, I stopped watching GOT last season right before the last 4 episodes and then everyone told me the last 4 are insane so now I have to catch up before the new season premieres. I just thought it got so boring. I actually have no idea what happens at the end of last season and everyone is always REALLY surprised that I haven’t been spoiled.

      • I’ve only seen til season 4 in it’s entirety, but read io9 recaps and watched some clips.
        They are insane but very much a natural conclusion some of the things. I’m not too surprised because the things are not like the Red Wedding where you heart gets broken if you didn’t already know what was to happen and starting singing Reynes of Castamere like a troll when your watchmate says, “Something isn’t right here…”
        Not that I did that.

        The things are more like fucccccccck that first scene of the show in the woods signifies something more significant than the game of thrones and the implications of having such an enemy.
        And the other thing is violent revolutions beget more violence often against the parties that started it.

        Logical conclusions of event not shocking heartbreaking endings.
        Just those events are terrifying so it makes sense that you haven’t been spoiled and why some people are surprised at that.

  36. I’m probably going to watch Parks and Rec or the Office this weekend because I need something that will not make me cry. I can already do that on my own, thanks very much. My girlfriend and I broke up on Sunday and it’s just been a really hard week and my emotions have been all over the place. We had been together for about a year and it was my first serious relationship. I just feel very lost and confused right now and I’ve already been living up to stereotypes by crying to Tegan and Sara alone in my room at night…

    But work has been really busy this week so I’m trying to let that occupy my brain. And the spring weather and flowers and trees and sunshine are beautiful, so at least the universe doesn’t want to let me be totally sad.

    So if anyone has any words of wisdom for how to move on from this and regain confidence in myself, please let me know!

    • I recommend watching Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt. That show will make you feel like everything is possible and it will just put you in a good mood. <3

      • Oh I agree, that was what I watched when I came home from spring break to find my apartment had been flooded. It both cheered me up and put things into perspective. Mary, a cyberhug of sympathy to you! I’ve definitely been there. For now, I’d say feel no guilt about consuming media fluff, and maybe have a mini-adventure somewhere (a park, a beach, a museum, the new coffee shop next door) if you need to get out of the house.

  37. Feelings about life and TV:

    This week’s Broad City fucking broke me. Last Friday I had a talk with my girlfriend. We’ve had a complicated relationship all this year, but since January we’ve been officially in an open relationship. But she’s a graduating senior and I’m but a wee sophomore. In a month she’ll be gone. I’ll still be here. We’re still hooking up, still having feelings for each other, and still spending time together. We’re just not together.

    Ilana and Lincoln ending things felt way, way too real for this moment in my life. I’m tearing up thinking about it. All of my emotions are complicated and Broad City is beautiful and sad and real life is hard and breakups are hard. I feel good with her and about myself, but I still feel sad.

      • Thanks <3 And it's so strange? Because we both acknowledge that this relationship has not run its natural course and this is a breakup of logistics. So all of the feelings are there and possibly heightened by impending absence, and there's just so much other pain wrapped up in that.

  38. hey critters,

    teeth! crying!

    I did have a front-tooth chip for most of my life that I got fixed only a couple years ago because my dentist was like “idgaf if you fix it or not but your dental insurance would totally cover it” and I was like, no pressure? ok! and for a long time I was like “but my mouth remembers this being diiiiiiiiiiifereeeeeeeeeent”

    I have been crying about all kinds of stupid stuff lately, (I mean like not actually stupid, like I read an in-depth article about that shooting on UT campus in the 60s and criiiiiiiied, like I’m just like “right, fuck, this is why I don’t watch the news”) but that aside I’m generally doing fine?

    I just finished watching the latest season of Bob’s Burgers on Netflix, which I really enjoy, and we’ve been keeping up with the latest season of The Outs (good good web series) and also Rupaul’s Drag Race, because I need something to be ashamed of.

    Business has been picking up lately, and that has been GREAT. YAY. IT’S HAPPENING. I CAN BE A GROWNUP AND DO MY JOB AND PEOPLE WILL PAY ME TO DO IT.

    otherwise, it’s sunnytime season on our porch and there is pink wine in the fridge and my honey and I are planning some vacations to missoula and the oregon coast.

    • also jesus your face. I’m glad it’s mostly ok. I just bought tickets to a kd lang/laura veirs/ sara cahoon show this summer and also to see brandi carlile because they are at this sweet outdoor venue and I am going to drink wine in the sunshine and TAKE IT ALL IN with my friends and honey.

  39. Did someone say dog pictures?

    TyLoup met chickens a couple of weekends ago for maybe the first time? We adopted him when he was 10, so who knows what sort of creatures he met in his mysterious past! He definitely lived with cats, which is probably why he purrs.

    Anyway, the sight of the chickens sent him into a trance that could be broken neither by sound nor my touch nor by holding his arch-nemesis (my camera phone) in front of his face. SO of course I took advantage of this…

    • hello scruffster! is he not allowed to meet the chickens? I want dog + chickens, but is not in the cards just yet.

      • he would definitely do his best to eat the chickens live, based on his interaction with other small creatures.

  40. I actually had a teeth dream this morning, where I was a hygenist I believe, not quite a dentist but still I had my hands in a lady’s mouth and was inspecting it and later indicated a problem with her back left molars on a chart I produced and showed to her. Also I’m doing a project on coral reefs and how one of their natural predators is the crown of thorns starfish and then on here I see a picture of the purple sea star which I’m pretty sure is the same creature. I’m in the hive mind autostraddle, I do believe.

    • Ok so upon closer inspection it’s not the same creature, but they’re both starfish and they’re both purple so there is that. anyway thank-you for reading this. have a lovely weekend.

  41. Has anyone else thought they made a super cool new friend who was initiating lots of convo only to have them do a sudden about face and be all “FYI I have a gf”?!??
    *Asking for a friend
    But seriously it was so weird and I’m thinking dude I just swore off dating for life plus you are not talking to me like someone with zero strings attached. Humanity! I. Can’t. Even!

    • Kinda yeah.

      But my social skills are a cobbled together Frankenstein’s monster so I don’t really completely understand when people think I’m flirting when I’m not.
      Eye contact is what you when you talk to someone I thought, but sometimes is taken to be flirtation. “Blantantly” discussing sex things or things taken as sex things have also sent “mixed signals” to people I’ve talked with. When I do actually flirt it is more like proposition of an activity and have maybe given a motel address before. >_>

      Could be That Person and not the Confused Person who thought they make a friend.
      That Person could have terrible flirtation detection skills and is trying to be sure this isn’t an attempt at romance, or really terrible skills and be thinking of course this an attempt at romance.

      Dunno fer sure am I not That Person, but those are just some possibilities.
      *noodlely shrug*

      • Yes I totally get that but it was weird the way she had been reaching out lately. Like if I was her gf I would feel weird/bad about how she was communicating with me. There’s a different banter with someone who is taken and some who is not and in a way separate from flirtation. It’s hard to explain…

        • So it started out as friend-friend banter but now she’s moved to like potential sex-friend banter?

          Am I reading that or misreading?

  42. I’m so hype over Gilmore Girls. No one even knows when the revival is coming out but boy am I excited. But also so so sad it’s unbelievable. The revival will cement that Rory and Paris aren’t together. :(

    I haven’t had teeth dreams, but I have had the most vivid, wonderful dreams of the ocean lately. Dreams that like could have been Florence and the Machine videos that I self-inserted. It’s made me really look forward to summer so I can swim in the ocean without hypothermia. (Snow in NY tomorrow anyone?) What I read about ocean dreams says it’s about transformation and growth and it seems so important, even though I’m usually not one to be into things like dream reading I guess.

      • Indeed.
        They were results that came up when I googled “killed by cute” because those doxens up-thread.

        The confused fox is somehow my favorite, emotionally.

  43. YA’LL PEOPLE WITH ANXIETY, I NEED HELP/ADVICE

    I have made repeated dumb mistakes at my job this week and it makes me feel like a supremely smelly pile of garbage (especially because I’m new and I want people to feel like they can trust me to NOT FUCK SHIT UP even if it’s little shit) so I’m just wondering if making mistakes is part of my mental health problems or do I just totally suck as a human?? Thx.

    • This is something I struggle with. I’m always worried I’ll make a mistake and the tiniest mistake makes me so angry at myself. But in the end, everyone makes mistakes and it’s just something we have to learn to live with. You are your own harshest critic!

    • This is my life every single day. I try to think it through, what is the worst that could happen? And if that did happen what would my back up support be to get through it? It helps. But it’s hard. It’s also hard knowing some people don’t stress this much.

    • This can be so stressful. Work is the #1 place where I stress out over little mistakes, but what always helps me is to remember that EVERYONE makes mistakes, even my boss. He fully admits to making mistakes and acts like it’s no big deal so that helps me see that what matters more is how you react to your mistakes (i.e., apologize sincerely but not too much; focus on improving in the future instead of reliving past mistakes). Good luck at your new job!

    • If you didn’t make mistakes you’d suck at being a human and people would fear you’re a T-800 or some other kind of scary robot from the future.

      If you don’t mind my sayin so.

        • You’re welcome cher.

          And if you’ve ever watched a the first 2 Terminators they don’t directly make mistakes, humans just resist termination better than expected. :P
          We are error makers, every single last one of us.

  44. Heh, I feel like there’s not a lot to report except some re-ordered of my life and surroundings.

    My living situation as it is, I only have a keyhole (is that what’s called? well, its one of those where the desktop folds up) desk and it’s been covered in crap so I took an evening to clean it off and corral all my art supplies into one place (and remember I keep a sex toy in a converted cigar box with my Prisma color pencils >_>) so my colored pencils, markers and oil pastels have their own drawer and my paper is in another along with an organized manila folder of magazine clippings to make collages.

    I’ve been feeling kind of creatively stuck so I felt like if my work space was more organized, I’d feel more motivated. Not to toot my horn but I make comics and I’ve been meaning to actually make more (the last one I made was in January or February) and actually something to show off. I’m one of those people who’s forever making plans and brainstorming stuff but I find actually putting the working into doing the thing very taxing.

    So the most recent comic I made got reposted to Comics Workbook (which I’m a graduate of *beams*) and I got a lot of follows, likes and reblogs and the fact that my actual blog hasn’t been updated in a while motivated me a little to actually put some more stuff there to give people something to look at.

    here is a link: http://comicsworkbook.tumblr.com/post/142429304942/amanda-hamilton-made-for-comics-workbook-notes

    but yeah. I’ve been actually making a habit of just drawing more often, even if it’s just doodles so when I actually making a comic, it doesn’t feel like I’m performing a dance recital with no practice but just an extension of what I already do. After getting some recommendations from people about how to get into jazz (I got introduced to “Waltz for Debby” by Bill Evans, which I think is really beautiful) and I’ve been watching the Ken Burns documentary “Jazz” and something that I really fixated on was that spirit of improvisation. I had been hung up on “am I over-thinking this?” or “am I not thinking about it enough?” and second guessing myself a lot so I’m trying to let go and be more spontaneous and messy. I’ve started thumbnailing…something so if it comes to anything, I’ll post it here, maybe?

    The only other stuff is I finally got around to reading “Fun Home” by Alison Bechdel from the library and I spent the last two days watching “Alien” and “Aliens” and just falling in love with them all over again. ^_^

    • That’s so dope! The ‘straddler in the first comment on this thread also makes comics. I’m sure you’ll be out of your creative rut soon :)

  45. Who needs TV (or food…or sleep. ..) when “Carol” is out on DVD now, is all I’m saying.

  46. Okay, so I’m kinda in need of some fashion advice. A little embarrassed, I bought this shirt on impulse from thredup, because…yeah…. https://assets-thredup.insnw.net/assets/27255968/retina.jpg But know I’m looking at the bondagey design on the back…and I have no idea what kind of bra I’m supposed to wear with this thing?

    I feel silly asking, but I NEED HELP! I’ve spent most of my life dressing butch and wearing sports bras. I don’t know what I’m doing with these open back shirts!

    • 4 possible answers

      -No bra
      -One of those adhesive bras/ no show pasties
      -Give zero fucks and wear what ever bra you feel like because that cut goes down so far the band will always show, I suggest black tho if you’re trying to match
      -Wear a beater or some kind of undershirt in an opposing colour like white or red if you have reservations at letting any part of your bra show

      It mostly depends on if your issue is support or preventing headlightage.

      • I forgot one, a bra with clear bands and straps but dude those things are made of like plastic.
        Not comfy and they aren’t always easy to find depending on the market where you live.

        And low back bras but those likely won’t go down far enough either to be unseen.

        Plus they come round your stomach which could be ouchie

      • My friend recommended one of those adhesive bras, but my issue with those is that they don’t last as long as a normal bra. My main concern is preventing headlightage. If it’s one of those bras that has a design on the back then I would care less if it shows, as long as it looks like part of the outfit. Tried one of those strappy back bras that are typically designed for open back tops https://cdn-img-3.wanelo.com/p/37e/625/546/577a2b624e6c6c8c9a59846/x354-q80.jpg , but since the shirt already has straps it ended up looking like too much. Then again…I’m always preaching to my male friends how breasts aren’t sexual organs and it doesn’t make any sense why we keep censoring them while men walk around topless,so I could just practice what I preach and go braless.

        • Sorry for the lack of timely response, things got busy and AFK.

          Yeah no my inner baby goth wants to smack me for saying this but more straps and strapness is not the solution here, but thankfully you have the sense and taste to realise that yourself.

          Being that your main concern is headlightage not support/tit shape-age I’d suggest pasties, but I have no idea how long they’d last.
          I’m getting some from this company:
          http://bristols6.com/nippies-skin-reusable-silicone-nipple-cover-pasties.html

          that I’ve heard good things about for a wedding I’m going to but still even if I have experience with the product my body is not your body.
          I could sweat more or less than you or something making the recommendation useless.

          Last resort would be round bandaids, but from my experience with masking tape that might be an unpleasant removal. Even soaking in warm water that was an experience I do not wish to repeat.

    • I feel like either black or a really bright contrasting color, (but no patterns) cut of bra not so important as long as it’s not like, your full coverage over the shoulder boulder holder type bra.

  47. I got off the waitlist for A-camp this week! I’m super excited to go even though I’m going alone and won’t know anyone there. But I figured this is the only year I’ll probably ever get the chance to go so I have to take it.

    Hope everyone has a good weekend!

  48. I think I got promoted,kind of?
    I switched departments on Monday, something my superiors profusely apologized about, because I didn’t complete my rotation time at my original place.
    But then, I was suddenly sitting in my very own office, a fancy pen on my desk, and thought:”This is a promotion, I guess?”
    It won’t make a difference money wise, but I’m managing to go home on time AND am sometimes managing to grab lunch,too.
    This comes in very handy, because I’ve been actively working on trying to establish a healthy routine while working.
    Like, not skipping meals and sleep and subsisting solely on coffee with milk and sugar for days on end.

    • Hey, well done. It feels very odd when things like that happen but just enjoy it.

      After years of chasing your tail and working in chaos, having a more gentle regime can take some adjustment too but it’s very worth it in the end. Have fun.

  49. TV, I’ve been watching waaay too much TV. Scandal, How to Get Away with Murder, and Shonda’s new show The Catch featuring Rose Rollins (Tasha from The L Word!) as the best friend. What else? Supernatural, The 100 (it’s such a terrible show but I have an Octavia crush for days), love the campy drama of Jane the Virgin and the over the top drama of Empire. Fresh Off the Boat still makes me laugh and The Fosters is the show I always wished 7th Heaven could have been. I just wish it was on Hulu. C’mon Freeform, get it together.

    Not TV, but recently watched Fruitvale Station for the first time. Just heartbreaking. I hope Michael B. Jordan keeps acting for a long time to come. He was amazing in Creed too.

    I’ve been reading Daniel Jose Older’s Bone Street Rumba supernatural series. So far it’s a good mixture of his vivid horror/fantasy short stories and tales from life as an EMT combined into POC-centric pulp fiction.

    Other than that, just work work work work work. I went to a drag king show on April Fool’s Day where the host came out in a dress and did Rihanna’s “Work” with another king doing Drake’s part. The host later came out as an extremely red faced Trump and did a mashup of Trump speech excerpts and DJ Khaled’s “All I Do is Win.” Plus there was DNCE’s “Cake By the Ocean” done by a king in a seashell encrusted sequin jean and vest outfit.

    I might be going to see Third Eye Blind this weekend. 10 year old me is playing air guitar about it.

    • I’m really embarrassed that I haven’t seen Fruitvale Station because I went to college with the director and eveeeeryone I know has seen it. It’s been on my watch list for years and I just never get around to it. I think I just forget to watch movies because I’m so focused on TV.

      You’ve had a fun week!!

  50. Well, Bruce Springsteen is The Boss:

    “As you, my fans, know I’m scheduled to play in Greensboro, North Carolina this Sunday. As we also know, North Carolina has just passed HB2, which the media are referring to as the “bathroom” law. HB2 — known officially as the Public Facilities Privacy and Security Act — dictates which bathrooms transgender people are permitted to use. Just as important, the law also attacks the rights of LGBT citizens to sue when their human rights are violated in the workplace. No other group of North Carolinians faces such a burden. To my mind, it’s an attempt by people who cannot stand the progress our country has made in recognizing the human rights of all of our citizens to overturn that progress. Right now, there are many groups, businesses, and individuals in North Carolina working to oppose and overcome these negative developments. Taking all of this into account, I feel that this is a time for me and the band to show solidarity for those freedom fighters. As a result, and with deepest apologies to our dedicated fans in Greensboro, we have canceled our show scheduled for Sunday, April 10th. Some things are more important than a rock show and this fight against prejudice and bigotry — which is happening as I write — is one of them. It is the strongest means I have for raising my voice in opposition to those who continue to push us backwards instead of forwards.”

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CYHGh6lmSbo

  51. Late to the thread, but would like to put this somewhere:

    this week has been kind of terrible. My head is all stuffed up from allergies AND I’m having the worst period I’ve had in a long time (thanks birth control!). Every time I start feeling better, I wake up the next morning feeling icky again.

    HOWEVER, I have been watching Call the Midwife and while I really wonder how much of the show collectively is women screaming during childbirth, the other bits are really great and I have a wild crush on Sister Bernadette.

  52. This week (a couple days ago) I was in a car accident. Thankfully my girlfriend, her sister and I were not seriously injured.

    It caused me to kind of put a halt to my current job search…and put things into perspective even more. Before I was already having existential thoughts about what job I wanted, now even more so. It’s hard for me to settle for jobs that I don’t totally want even though I know I need to make money just to live :(

    Something good that happened this week is that I kept forgetting to / not taking my antidepressants correctly. After a couple days of taking them correctly I have stabilized and I am feeling better :P

    • I’m glad you’re doing okay after your accident!
      There are some apps out there that remind you to take your meds. I usually just set an alarm for 9pm and take my birth control, Celexa, and Culturelle at the same time.

  53. Hey lovely people,

    I recently revived my blog that I started a few years back. I needed an outlet to share my thoughts and rambles. haha. I would appreciate it if ya’ll checked it out!

    freelyyourstrully.wordpress.com

    With love, Chelsea

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