Letter From Your Editors

Hello kumquats!

Welcome to the eighth issue of the Insider, your behind-the-scenes look at how many lesbians it takes to screw in an energy-safe lightbulb. This month we decided to present a phototopia of all the things we enjoy doing in this great world! Check us out:

So, a writer for Vice Magazine is doing a big story on Autostraddle, which has offered us lots of opportunities to freak out and feel nervous, excited, and a little bit scared. The writer, Nicole, is super great (and I’m actually pretty familiar with her work, it turns out — both for The Believer and for The Morning News) and she’s done a few interviews with all the Senior Editors and also some Subject Editors. Apparently it’ll be the front page article when Vice launches their new women’s vertical. Women’s verticals are super-special because they seem to imply that the main site is just for men, but that’s another topic for another day! So um, look out for that, and hopefully we didn’t say anything too stupid. Although it’s almost guaranteed that we did!

We’ve been talking a lot about GROWN-UP content and had probably one of our most productive editorial meetings of all time last week with Riese, Laneia, Heather, Kaelyn, Cee, Alley and Crystal about how to start launching what we hope will be an enormous wing of the site aimed squarely at thirtysomethings (and older, we hope). We do still feel that most of the site as a whole is all-ages, but there is a lot of stuff that perhaps best applies to twentysomethings and we want that much stuff for thirtysomethings too. Laneia and I have been going through the applications for the YOUR MOM column and are really excited about all these new writers we’ll be herding into our stables!

Laneia and I have also been working on the next edition of our BETTER TOGETHER ‘zine series with Dannielle & Kristin of Everyone Is Gay. The topic is break-ups and you’re gonna like it a lot I can tell.

We hope you’ve enjoyed this past month’s plethora of A+ Content, including Autostraddle Writers Share Their WEEK THREE Masters Of Sex Cure Month Experience Journals, the Thirteenth and Fourteenth issue of the A+ Bee, the second A+ Podcast, the A+ Valentine’s Day Roundtable: From The Mouths Of Our Babes, Carmen’s essay on why her Long-Distance Relationship is Her Favorite Adventure and Kaitlyn’s Interview With her Ex-Girlfriend. We’re at 983 A+ members, which is REALLY CLOSE to 1,000.

Lastly, if you’re in the Bay Area for Lesbians Who Tech this upcoming weekend, come to our Queer Women in Media Lunch! Alex and Riese will be present, as will Taylor Hatmaker of The Daily Dot and A-Camp (formerly of Autostraddle). Women + Food = Fun. It’s a fact.

Love,

Riese / Laneia / Rachel / Yvonne / Heather

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Top 10 Most Popular Posts From January 2015

These posts were written this month and were hella popular this month.

1. EXCUSE ME: Kristen Stewart Has Maybe-Romantic Times On The Beach With Her Maybe-Girlfriend, by Stef Schwartz
2. How To Be A Girl Who Dates Girls: Your Syllabus For Lesbian Dating 101, by Riese Bernard
3. Announcing The Ultimate Lesbian Sex Survey (For Women Who Sleep With Women), by Carolyn Yates
4. 25 Pictures of Lesbian Kink According To Stock Photography, by Carolyn Yates
5. The 2015 Oscars Will Finally Honor Straight White Men, by Heather Hogan
6. The Trailer For Ellen’s New Lesbian Sitcom is Here, Queer and Pregnant, by Heather Hogan
7. Be A Person Who Gets Shit Done: A Gentle Guide, by Rachel Kincaid
8. Three Looks Inspired By Kristen Stewart, She Of Effortless Aplomb, by Lydia Okello
9. Glee Episode 603 Recap: To Infinity and Beyond, by Heather Hogan
10. Pretty Little Liars Episode 514 Recap: The Long Goodbye, by Heather Hogan

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Nine Important Excerpts From Editorial Conversations

Rachel: Good morning has anyone else been followed on twitter by Melissa Joan Hart yet
Heather: CLARISSA?
Rachel: mmhmm
Laneia: This morning!
I read her bio and then a black sludge coated my heart and then I had coffee and it’s gone
Heather: I was not followed, I just checked, but Albus Dumbledore followed me, twitter says!
Rachel: What a great day
maybe we should quit while we’re ahead
Riese: Melissa Joan Hart is following me !
Maybe her assistant is a lesbian
Heather: Is she getting ready to come out!?
Rachel: That would be wild
I guess Clarissa didn’t know it all, exactly, yet

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Riese: I just mouthed off to an undoubtedly very nice human who was mean to me in the comments la la la
Laneia: I’m glad we’re PMS’ing together babe
Riese: Oh my period is on its like last day
this is officially just my actual personality

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Mey: Unique coming back for one episode makes her seem like she’s not a real person, just some sort of “spirit of gender identity” that shows up when the writers need her. But I mean, there’s probably a good chance I’ll enjoy the episode because things are what they are
Riese: I hope that Beiste thanks Unique for making him a better man
People are always thanking people for making them better men on Glee
since that’s what women are here for after all
to facilitate male growth
Mey: Yes! Haha!
Carmen: lololol wait #spiritofgenderidentity
kind of like a #genderghost
Rachel: “Tonight, Coach Beiste will be visited by three spirits: the ghosts of gender past, present and future.”

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Carmen: WHOA MISSY ELLIOT IS GONNA BE IN THE SUPERBOWL HALFTIME SHOW WHOA WHOA
Stef: Oh God I would care so much more about a Missy Elliott halftime show than I would about a katy perry halftime show
Carmen: I’M GONNA HAVE CABLE but definitely refuse to live-blog the superbowl
what if I live-blogged Missy Elliot’s performance
Just like a ten minute liveblog
Stef: What if we pretended Katy Perry wasn’t happening
wait what if we also pretended the football wasn’t happening
Laneia: “A brunette is on stage with Missy now and Missy has decided to let her sing. It’s awful and we don’t know what’s going on.”
Stef: “It’s weird that this Missy Elliott special is only two songs long”
Will they have a hologram Aaliyah cos that’s actually all I care about
Rachel: “All these people in uniforms and helmets are doing a terrible job at the choreography for this Missy Elliott concert”

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Rachel: Just ftr I have spent pretty much the entire day trying to get my computer to function in a way that would allow me to use it for work instead of just giving me a spinning wheel for a full two minutes every time I changed windows or scrolled, but I think we may now be back in business
just keeping you posted
Riese: Why is everybody’s computer dying!?!?!
It’s an epidemic
Rachel: I think it’s ok now! I think I needed to update some stuff and also accept that I probably shouldn’t have more than 2-3 programs open at once
even though this computer cost enough that it should be able to have 20 programs open at once and also make me a sandwich
Heather: Yes! And limitless tabs!
Rachel: Like Mufasa showing Simba his endless kingdom, except the kingdom is tabs
Heather: And Scar is like, “No fuck you everyone die, all the ram is mine!”
so Scar is photoshop in the analogy
Rachel: The hyenas are popups, probably

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Laneia: Are we cool with the next photo collage theme being “you doing something you love”
I’m just imagining Alex on a rock wall and Rachel snuggling a cat or something
Oh wait we kind of already did that because Rachel snuggled a box of wine
Rachel: There are a lot of things left in my apartment to snuggle
The possibilities are endless really
Laneia: Ok perfect. Or you could also be doing something besides snuggling like you could be actively drinking the boxed wine
Rachel: Mumbling to the boxed wine about my childhood

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Brittani: I don’t mean to be dramatic but in person Chris Hardwick looks like the saddest person in the world. I would vote for him for world’s saddest person. I don’t know if he really is that sad but he gives that vibe off in an almost disturbing way.
Stef: I’ve watched like four episodes of Singled Out today and I can confirm he seems like the world’s saddest person
like as soon as the cameras are off he puts out lit cigarettes on his own arms

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Rachel: I hate articles like Science Has Bad News For People Who Binge-Watch Shows On Netflix! Ugh this is so irritating
do they really think that the person who hasn’t moved in three days and is on their fifth season of Cheers doesn’t know that they are maybe a little depressed
Robin: I binge-watched all of West Wing in like three weeks and let me tell you it was the lone LED-light in a sad, dark time, so
Cameron: Science doesn’t know that I keep a happy light on next to me and order pizza off Seamless to ward off depression.
Science doesn’t know my life.
Rachel: It just feels like they are writing ominously about the effect rather than the cause
it feels like when Franklin gets worried that the tonic for my vodka tonics has too much high fructose corn syrup in it
like I think the real problem here is probably all the vodka?
Cecelia: Binge watching is actually really healthy I think because you get all your sad done in a day and then it motivates you to get out there in the world
Carmen: Netflix motivates you to leave the house?
I’m impressed
I watch Netflix and am like “nope”
Cameron: Everything in moderation, even moderation. And especially only leave the house in moderation.

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(regarding a press release from the mayor of Newark that they’d be selling $1,000 lots to couples as homesteads on Valentine’s Day, including LGBT couples.)

Rachel: I think they want to point out to us that LGBT couples are included in the pool of couples that this is open to
I am genuinely unsure if this fact is, in 2015, news
Robin: If it weren’t Newark I’d be tempted to start my lesbian separatist community on that land
maybe that’s the news
Rachel: “Local woman considers Newark for lesbian separatist community, ultimately declines”
Robin: “No matter how cheap the City is willing to sell its land”
“Lesbians still don’t want to create their separatist utopia in it”
“Local lesbian tries to let Newark down easy”
“‘I though it would work out but then realized that I would be in Newark’, says lesbian.”
Rachel: “When asked if she would consider land in Newark if offered an even steeper discount, she responded ‘Oh is that my phone ringing? Hold on, sorry, I really have to take this,’ and walked away.”

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Yvonne: Stef, look at this tweet from @AngelHaze
Stef: I saw that! WHAT ARE THEY DOING?!
this is the ideal lesbian breakup
Laneia: What if this is an old picture though. that would be beyond sad
Stef: This is how I like to break up
Excruciatingly

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Meet Some New Contributors!

Get to know some of our newest faces.

Ashleigh “Bing” Bingham , Fashion Writer

Tumblr: idreamofdapper.com
Twitter: @idreamofdapper
Instagram: @i_dream_of_dapper

If you could only use one emoji for the rest of your life, what would it be?
Side eyes generally sums up 100% of my feelings, 80% of the time.

The other 20% I’d have to go with the heart eyes. It’s rather one way or another.

What is your favorite kind of sandwich?
Roast beef all the way, tomato, lettuce, cheese, sprouts and little bit of mayo and I’m a whole lot in love.

Describe the worst date you’ve ever been on.
I didn’t realize it was a date at the time but my ex and I decided to catch up and return belongings so we went out to dinner (I like to be civil). She didn’t speak to me the entire time except for one-word answers to my smalltalk questions. The ride back to my apartment was even worse, I figured that she would leave but instead she said she could stay awhile longer. We sat on my bedroom floor, not speaking for 15 minutes until I started guessing who’s stomach was making weird noises. She did not play along. Eventually she left and about 30 minutes later I found her crying and pounding on my front door asking why we weren’t together as she smashed her mascara-smeared face against mine. She should have just kept the jean shirt, I didn’t want it back that bad.

What’s your favorite sex toy?
I’m not afraid to strap on for the occasion.

What’s your #1 turn-on?
I love it when a girl is honest and blunt about what she thinks and what she wants. You never know, you may have similar interests ;)

What’s your #1 turn-off?
Cattiness and immaturity. If a girl has ugly insides, the outside is a complete waste.

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Hannah Clay Wareham, DIY/Crafting Writer

Website: thehomesteady.com
Pinterest: thehomesteady
Twitter: @thehomesteady
Instagram: @thehomesteady
Facebook: thehomesteady

If you could only use one emoji for the rest of your life, what would it be?
Probably the heart-eyes one. I use it a lot, and I hope I keep encountering experiences and opportunities and things that make me fall completely in heart-eye love.

What is your favorite kind of sandwich?
I’ve finally mastered my dream grilled cheese: sharp cheddar, ham, and pesto on gluten-free bread. It’s the most delicious sandwich in the world (not that I’m biased or anything).

Describe the worst date you’ve ever been on.
It would probably have to be one that happened my freshman year of college, when I was just beginning to come out. I invited this girl who lived on my floor to the local movie theater (where I worked as a projectionist). We sat through a movie, walked home together, and then I realized — she didn’t even know it was a date! I was too chicken to make that clear, ha!

What’s your favorite sex toy?
Anything with a good, strong vibe.

What’s your #1 turn-on?
My wife taking the lead.

What’s your #1 turn-off?
The smell of cigarettes.

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TOTAL WITCH VIBES

Laura: Look at this on Mother Jones: “Meet the witches, lesbian separatists, and other brave feminists who shook up the ’60s and ’70s. You don’t make change by being polite and folding your hands.”
Laneia: O shit
Riese: WHAT
Basically that’s everything I care about
In one article
Lesbian separatists, witches and brave feminists
We need a witchery column
Rachel: Witch corner
Yvonne: Yes plz
Rachel: Witch Hunt
Riese: Escape To Witch Mountain
Rachel: Out In The Woods
Riese: Rhymes With Bitches
Yvonne: #brujas2015
Riese: “Actual Witch Hunt, Not The Metaphorical Kind”
Rachel: If I still lived in Massachusetts I would go to Salem and do a photo essay
But I don’t
Does anyone know about any witch trials in Wisconsin I could get the jump on
Riese: I’ll keep an ear out
:: flies away on broom ::

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Flashback: The Power Of The Clam

Here are some of the things that come up when you search “power of the clam” in our wordpress media library:

I am at a bar called Eulogy, and I am admittedly drunk, but the bartender just tried to MANSPLAIN queer media to me and then all my straight friends who read Autostraddle totally intervened and told him that he didn’t know what he was talking about and it was beautiful.
And my phone autocorrected mansplain to be all caps.
-Maddie, two weeks ago

Dot Top Dot Us Dot Biz Dot Net

Ali: Y’all. one may now purchase .top domain names.
just fyi
thought you should know.
Riese: What about .bottom
Ali: Alas, does not appear as though that’s on the list
Alley: @cee you wanna know this I’m sure
Rachel: I want .bigspoon
Ali: #bottominvisibility
Maddie: What about .twobottomsonerelationship
Riese: .sad
Alley: .life
Ali: Just fyi, bigspoon.com is available for purchase
but no such .bigspoon.io exists
my apologies
Cee: @alley oh boy
What’s the minimum letters
Alley: You thinking pdx.top and then you’ll have more dates than you can ever satisfy?
or maybe bathroomsink.top?
Ali: .top domains start at five dollars, people. Just five. Go forth and get them all
Cee: ima.top?
Ali: OMG. cee. <3
Alley: hella.top/y
Ali: I LOVE EVERYONE IN HERE
Alley: homonorma.top
Ali: Like I said, just five dollars. Y’all could possess all of these
Cee: Namecheap isn’t selling .top yet
I really want hella.top
Alley: Forget dapper, forget some springtime hex color, we all know where Cee’s skills really live
hint: It’s not bathroom plumbing
Cee: I’m going to go hide now away from the internet dot top
Alley: I can’t decide what’s embarrassing you, the sex talk or me implying that you can’t do something handy around the house
It’s gotta be the housework

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Some Answers To Some Things You’ve Been Asking Us

Do you have burning questions about what the fuck is going on around here, Doris? Ask us — just use the A+ priority contact form in your sidebar. All answers from Riese unless otherwise indicated. 

BUT HAVE YOU SEEN THIS VIDEO OF A GOLDEN RETRIEVER PLAYING WITH HER 9 PUPPIES? HAPPY VALENTINES DAY, YOU GUYS!!!
HAPPY ELLEN PAGE DAY TO YOU TOO KIND FRIEND!

riese what age is your gf? she could be like 20 but i assume shes older cause youre 33 right? either way tell her that she and her skin are looking well ex oh
My girlfriend’s age is 23. I’m 33, you are correct. I will tell her that about her skin! (okay i just told her and she made the face she makes that makes her look like pepper)

Does your asos affiliate only work with american asos? Sad
I feel like you answered this question for me, but I also feel sad now for you. I’d hope that it would work with all of the asoses. How do you pluralize asos. Asoi? Asoses. Asssseesssss.

riese did you know emily gould is pregnant when are you going to get pregnant
I didn’t know that but now I feel the anxiety I feel every time somebody vaguely my age is pregnant and I am not pregnant. I don’t know when I’m gonna get pregnant! Within the next 1-3 years, I hope. First Abby and I have to decide where to move.

Just so thankful for AS. Please anytime I’m tempted to read articles on bisexuality on any other site, someone remind me to just stay here and read AS archives instead. I mean, good that [other site] started a conversation about bisexuals dating, but damn are the comments disheartening and ugly. Thank you. That is all.
You’re welcome! I hope that the next time you go to a frozen yogurt place that the bananas look fresh and not mushy.

You are all doing a phenomenal job with Autostraddle. Thank you so much for everything you do. This website and community is such a great resource.
You’re welcome! I hope that the next time you want to turn left that you’re at the very front of the left-turn lane and get to go when the arrow is still green instead of having to try and go when the regular light is green (which let’s be real, means you’re gonna go when the light is yellow to clear the intersection).

Dear Priority Contact Box, Do you have any plans for articles about the forthcoming women’s soccer world cup? And/or would you be looking for submissions about it? Thanks! Sally
Hi Sally! As far as I know, we do not, but I would recommend submitting a concept to our Sports Editor, Brittani Nichols!

I loved Cora’s article on ocassional bralessness from last year. Could you write another article about ppl who almost never wear bras? It is so much fun!
I actually feel like Lydia wrote an essay about not wearing a bra… I also have two unfinished posts from bra week, one is about Feminist Bra History and another is about sports bras for butches who’d rather wear a sports bra that doesn’t fit with a hole in it than go to the store and buy a new one.

Will Gabby’s Greys Anatomy recaps be coming back? I miss them. Miss Boobs on your Tube too…
Gabby is unfortunately too busy with work to do the recaps in a timely manner this particular chunk of season. :-( But Heather’s sister is recapping in her stead for the time being! Isn’t that cute? Her actual sister! Speaking of Heather, she’s also really gonna bring Boobs On Your Tube back as soon as she gets a minute.

When will you be announcing the peau de loup winners? :)
I think they were informed already, but if I hear otherwise I’ll come right back here and fix this answer to become correct.

There needs to be an Autostraddle interview with Michelle Hendley of the new rom com Boy Meets Girl (she’s a trans actress playing a trans woman in a rom com, and in the movie her characters is involved with another lady!). It would be amazing!
THAT WOULD BE AMAZING. We’ve been talking about that movie a lot!

OMG OMG The Tonya Harding and Nancy Kerrigan 1994 Museum Kickstarter! Please get the Connie Chung package and write about it. pls pls pls.
Okay obviously I IMMEDIATELY went to this kickstarter, but obviously I did not get the Connie Chung package because girl that package requires me to talk to the founders of the museum on skype AS A PERK! I would not pay the president of the united states to talk to me on the phone, he would have to pay me, I mean, I hate talking on the phone just that much. So that’s why I didn’t get the Connie Chung package. I almost in a moment of panic purchased the $35 package because obviously I want a t-shirt, but then Abby told me we could go out for breakfast with $35 and I was like, good point. So I bought a pin OBVIOUSLY also clearly we’ll send a representative to the opening gala with a camera phone.

Hi! I’d love to see some suggestions for creating and maintaining healthy non-committed relationships. Is there already an article about that? Thanks :-)
Wait I don’t know what you mean, do you mean non-monogamous?

What authors’ articles are the most popular? Maybe one for the A+ infographic of the week :)
ARE YOU SITTING DOWN I HOPE YOU’RE SITTING DOWN OKAY SIT DOWN okay I’ll tell you: it’s me. It’s my articles. My articles are the most popular. I write SO many articles and everybody loves me. I’m the belle of the ball. I’m the star of the show. I’m the main event. (Although not TIRTLs! Those do “so-so.”) Heather Hogan also writes very popular articles. So do Stef, Mey and Carolyn. When Kate writes a thing, it tends to get a lot of traffic. But really, it varies! A lot of it has to do with the topics we cover and how much time we have to put in to making an article with major viral potential — like I spent three months putting together the list of 100+ LGBTQ Black Women You Should Know, a Contributing Editor might not have the insanity required to do such a thing. There are like 20 or so legacy articles from the last six years, mostly written by Ali, Carolyn and I, that still get mad play every month and are often in the top ten (although I don’t include them in the top ten in the newsletter, which’s just for posts written in the month we’re tracking), which is another funny thing about internet traffic? I’m speaking to you right now from a place of following our traffic for years but there is no actual way to track data on whose posts do the best without installing a weird plug-in, so it wouldn’t be good infographic material.

Any chance you guys will get the gray scissor sweatshirt in more sizes? emoji please face.
Yup we did! We did it! WE MADE YOUR DREAM COME TRUE.

The gay bar I’ve been going to since I was like 17 burned down last night. It was the only one in the city. So many people in Lincoln, Nebraska lost a home away from home yesterday, including myself. I don’t know how to process this.
That sounds really sad and I am so sorry to hear this! Are they going to try and rebuild it? It’s so sad when these few remaining community places end. I feel like this would be a good topic for our State of the Lesbian Bar series? Maybe you should throw an Autostraddle Meet-Up in Lincoln and try to get the word out to everybody who would’ve gone to that bar to go to another bar and do a lesbian bar takeover. Or you could have a party in somebody’s basement or their yard or at a hotel. You could play Scattergories or drink vodka-tonics.

What is the team opinion on workplace crushes? After some entanglement in one I swore I would not let myself get caught up again, but I did. Yes, there are few more obstacles involved than regular crushes, but it could potentially lead to something great right?
It could! Like one time I was 18 and I had a workplace crush at The Olive Garden and it lead to a really special relationship with a 27-year-old where I learned to give blow jobs and ate at McDonald’s a lot and saw terrible movies for free (he used to manage a United Artists theater and had free passes for life). I hope something equally special happens to you. NO BUT SERIOUSLY, um, where else are we supposed to meet people? At the laundromat? Go forth and crush! Look how happy Gabby and Laura are!

Riese, I’m in love with your idea of writing one thing a day. I’ve really, really missed reading your stuff. I know you have 5 bazillion things to do, so thank you! :) Laniea, do you have time to write one thing a day? Or maybe even once a week? It would be amaaaazing.
I’m in love with you being in love with my idea. I hope you read Laneia’s AAAs! I mean I know that they’re not written pieces but at least you get a few paragraphs of Laneia which’s better than nothing, right? She’s working on some things. I’m working on like three longer things. I’m still aiming for one thing a day (which sometimes includes pieces that don’t have my name on them but nevertheless consumed the day) and the days that I succeed are the days I’m happiest. I’m glad you feel happy on those days as well!

Also Laneia saw this and says: GOD I LOVE YOU.

Did Autostraddle ever do an article on budgeting apps/tips or did I hallucinate that? If that article doesn’t actually exist can it?
Well, Kaelyn did a thing about budgeting tips for two. Carmen did a thing called Broke as F*ck: The Lifestyle Guide, but don’t worry she’s not broke as fuck anymore and um… hang on lemme ask Ali.

riese: did you ever do a post on budgeting apps? someone asked in the A+ box
ali: oh man, that’s my topic not next week but the week after
seriously, i’m already researching it
that’s eerie
the post is tentatively titled apps for your gay money
just fyi
riese: excellent
ali: this coming week is so you want to purchase a domain name
riese: oh is that mostly gonna be about .top
ali: obviously. lol.

I just said something hilarious and legit thought “I wish I’d said that on Autostraddle where they appreciate me”
G-d I love this

Hey girls! is Girltrash: All Night Long a good movie? :* kisses
It was slightly better than I expected but not great. There’s also all this DRAMA around it. You should check out this list I made where I talk about it and then commenters talk about it too, inspired by me, originally, talking about it. The internet!

Can you do a post presenting a variety of alternative lifestyle haircuts?! I DON’T THINK I CAN COME TO ACAMP ALAS ALAS.
I did it’s called 50 Pictures of Tegan and Sara.

No that’s a good idea! Until then, here are some things:

• Girl-on Gallery: Alternative Lifestyle Haircuts
• Alternative Lifestyle Haircut tag
• 50 Queer Women With Outrageously Good Hair
• Open Thread: How Do You Create, Keep & Care for an Alternative Lifestyle Haircut?

 

What happened that y’all are suddenly taking underage drinking at camp “very seriously”?
Robin and Marni are scared that we are putting ourselves at risk by not cracking down on underage drinking at camp, like as a liability, and thought it’d be better to make camp 21+ to avoid that. But then we died inside thinking of all the lovely 19 and 20 year olds we’ve met at camp and we all smashed our heads together and figured out a way to make it possible to keep it 18+ by being super-serious about them. There have been incidents with underage drinking at camp before that we are lucky didn’t spiral into something worse, you know? They’ve felt this way for a while but this year are just being VERY SERIOUS.

Just feeling a bit on the outside as a queer cis woman in a relationship with a man. Wonder if there is a space for that here.
If your boyfriend buys a Misandrist T-shirt then you can stay. No but seriously have a seat, Rachel made you some tea!

Do you know of a good unscented or very lightly scented dry shampoo? They all make me smell so strongly flowery and it’s too much for the office.
Oh I only know of one from when I had this job where there was always a lot of oil on my fingers, I think it was called PSSSST!

Autostraddle dating app. I GUARANTEE it will be a huge success.
Here’s the thing, Mildred: IT COSTS SOOOO MUCH TO BUILD AN APP. Like $75k at least for it to be good. When we have money to make things, like merch and camp, we always succeed at selling the things. So I agree that it would be a huge success we just need the money to make it.

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MINI-INTERVIEW WITH AN EDITOR: MEY RUDE

What do you do in your job?
I’m the Trans Editor, which is a position I made up and asked if I could have and then found out that Riese had already thought of the exact same idea! As they say, life, uh, finds a way.

So, what I do is check out all the posts related to trans issues that go up on Autostraddle to make sure that we’re doing our very best when we talk about trans people. I also cover a lot of trans related stories myself, reach out to find trans writers who could write for us and look over trans related submissions to AS. I also write my weekly comics column, Drawn to Comics.

Also, I just want to add that back when Ali was interviewed for this segment the second A+ Insider and I was a contributing editor I dreamed of the day I would be a subject editor and be interviewed in the Insider. So this is a real proud day for me.

What is your vision for the section?
I’d like us to be the first place people go for timely, respectful, thought-provoking and relevant coverage of trans issues. I also want more essays and articles written by other trans women of color. Twoc are at the center of most of what we’re talking about, and so I’d love for them to tell more of their own stories. The pieces written by twoc for us are always galvanizing and powerful and beautiful and amazing and I would love to get about a thousand percent more of those submissions. Also, just it would be great to be able to publish trans stories and essays that aren’t about transmisogyny or anti-trans violence more than once a week.

What would be your dream pitch?
Basically just happy personal essays that could only be written by the person who submitted it. This would be especially cool from trans women of color, and even more especially Black trans women. I don’t get a ton of submissions from twoc, and most of the ones that I do aren’t exactly on the most cheerful topics. I mean, I love when twoc write powerful essays about the discrimination they face or the murders of other twoc, but I also want my fellow twoc to be happy and to have happy stories to tell, you know?

What’s the hardest part?
Definitely covering the murders and acts of violence against trans people. Writing about or editing articles about more and more twoc being murdered or about trans teenagers killing themselves fucking sucks.

Sorry I’m being such a downer. I think this interview is supposed to be light and fun, and my job is definitely those things a lot of time and I wouldn’t trade it for the world, but other times it’s not so fun. But even in those times I still wouldn’t trade it for the world.

Favorite online writer/editor / or like your hero?
First of all, I’m gonna mention the senior editors here at Autostraddle. Seriously, I can’t imagine a better scenario than having them guide my writing. Also, all of them are killer writers who always challenge me and inspire me. Every time one of them compliments my writing or editing I kind of freak out.

Right now I’m totally in love with Shaadi Devereaux’s writing and twitter feed. I also have to give a shoutout to Monica Roberts of transgriot. In my mind, she’s like, the queen of trans women bloggers.

What do you wish people understood about your job?
That I want more people to submit pitches and essays!

Favorite snack to eat while working?
Okay, so there’s this episode of The West Wing called “Isaac and Ishmael” where a bunch of students are in the White House during a lockdown shortly after 9/11. And there’s this part where Josh Lyman says that they should get some apples and peanut butter to eat and that they’ve gotten entire pieces of legislation through Congress on apples and peanut butter. So, ever since I saw that in my AP US Government class, that’s been my go-to snack when I need to get things done.

What would be the song that a montage of you doing your job would be set to?
I’m gonna go with “Modern Girl” by Sleater-Kinney because a) I love it, b) it sounds really badass and I think I would look really good montaging to it and c) it works for either a montage of me being a cool writer lady or me writing about sad, angry things.

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Staff Tweets of the Month

https://twitter.com/gracecellis/status/568471159475462145

Loose plans to quit some future job by performing Drake's Legend in joggers and my high school basketball jersey

— Brittani Nichols (@BisHilarious) February 19, 2015

What does it mean when your girlfriend hands you a dildo in her sleep

— riese (@autowin) February 11, 2015

It appears I'm now a unit of measurement for rage against sexism in some of my social circles.

— Mari Brighe (@MariBrighe) February 23, 2015

https://twitter.com/zo0mbini/status/569409964122353664

true confessions: i had more fun playing kim kardashian's hollywood than I have ever had on tinder.

— Stef Schwartz (@stefschwartz) February 21, 2015

#ff @batiasbat, the bat who lives in my @snatiabir’s wall. it hasn’t tweeted for 289 days & may be dead, but it doesn’t have any hot takes

— Rachel (@danascullyirl) February 20, 2015

all dogs go to heaven and all men's rights activists / pick-up artists go to the deepest circle of hell to get endlessly catcalled by demons

— carmen rios 🚬👑🦄 (@carmenriosss) February 20, 2015

https://twitter.com/arabellesicardi/status/568811119151849473

Today, I have the rather sudden and unforeseen urge to immerse myself in Julia Child’s life

— Austen E. Osworth (@AEOsworth) February 10, 2015

I kind of want to memorize the rap of every Pitbull single. Is that a good life goal? Like, that will make me more employable right?

— Adrian White (@adrianwhiteTX) February 22, 2015

https://twitter.com/grrreen/status/566698843173969920

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Your Monthly Infographic About You

Numbers taken from the 2014 Autostraddle Reader Survey!

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February Retro-Reading

Some posts from previous Februarys Riese thinks you might enjoy.

This Is How We Live, No Fucks To Give: KC Danger’s Guide To Fuck-Giving, by KC Danger (2011) – This is a really thorough and useful lifestyle guide I recommend printing out onto a tiny piece of cardstock and sticking in your motorcycle boots and then climbing a mountain, all the while knowing that this tender tidbit is right there waiting for you.

Five Ciara Videos That Made Me Queer, by Rachel Kincaid (2013) – This is a classic piece of important queer history that I really recommend you pull up a chair and get into right this minute.

It’s Not What You’re Like, It’s What You Like: A Valentine’s Day Roundtable, by The Team (2012) – This is one of our Valentine’s Day posts I’m most proud of. I think it was a super-original idea (okay it was my idea) in which we talked about the books, movies, music and television that we love so much we feel like the people who love us need to expose themselves to these things to TRULY understand us.

Like Love Was A Thing I Could Do, by Riese Bernard (2013) – I’m proud of this one. It’s a personal essay and one of my favorite things I’ve written for this website.

How to Smell Good 101: Cologne & Perfume Guide for Queers, by The Team (2011) – Real talk I still reference this post all the time.

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WHY ISN’T THERE A-CAMP ON THE EAST COAST THOUGH

 

Carmen: How many times do we have to explain why A-Camp happens on the west coast before the east coast people let it go guys
HOW MANY TIMES
Riese: I think infinitely
like there is literally no end
I’ve answered that question on tumblr, on twitter, on facebook, on the camp website, on the autostraddle website
In every FAQ on every camp registration post
I’ve embroidered the answer into a quilt
I’ve written it on a banner and flown it around a football stadium
The answer to that question has sponsored a roller derby team
Stef: Can A-Camp be down the street from me this year
Riese: The answer to that question is my next ‘zine name and my new band name
Stef: Also can I pre-approve all the songs all the DJs play
and can everybody promise to be exclusively my best friend no matter how their day is going
Carmen: Let’s make a graphic
Riese: I’ve written a song that is just the answer to that question
put to polka music
I’ve made posters of that song and distributed them to 1,000 LGBTQ youth
Carmen: “STOP TRYING TO MAKE A-CAMP ON THE EAST COAST A THING.”
like we can make the girl in Mean Girls saying it out of a cartoon bubble
Riese: I died and wrote the answer to that question on my tombstone
then I came back to life so I could read the answer as my own eulogy
Carmen: It’s like we posted a GET EXCITED tweet
and then ALL THE REPLIES are: “ugh, have it in canada.” “ugh, have it on the east coast.”
GUYS STOP IT
Stef: Can we have it in New Zealand this year
Carmen: Can this go in the insider or will someone yell at us
for not having camp on the east coast
Stef: Guys the automated voice that talks to you when you’re on hold with social security sounds like Elliot Rodger and I want to die
Riese: The automated advice when you call social security is Elliot Rodger explaining why we aren’t having an East Coast camp
Carmen: HAHAHAHAHAHA
Riese: G-d knows the answer to that question
Every fortune in every fortune cookie I’ve gotten this year had the answer to that question printed on it
Carmen: Kanye West knows the answer to this question
Hannah: The answer is the weather, no?
Riese: Sigh.
Carmen: The answer is money
Riese: Money and weather
Hannah: At least I was close to right
Stef: Everybody who runs it is on the West Coast
Riese: See this is the problem, we always answer it!
We have to stop
We have to say “Just take off your shirt, the answer is already tattooed on your stomach”
Carmen: I want to respond
“Because it isn’t”
“No it won’t be”
That’s all. No reason. Because nobody tells Aquagirl to go to CA
Nobody tells Dinah to come to NYC
Stef: If they ever did I would murder them
Carmen: HAHAHA
Stef: Can you imagine
Once a year
Dinah in fucking
Connecticut
Carmen: Just when we thought it couldn’t get whiter!
Stef: OUT HERE IN GLORIOUS NEW HAVEN
Riese: Hannah, here is the answer from the FAQ:

WHEN ARE YOU GONNA HAVE AN EAST COAST CAMP?
Not any time soon! First of all, the weather is way nicer on the West Coast, thus enabling a longer off-season for the summer camps we rent property from. Most of our team and talent, including Senior Staff, lives on the West Coast. The cost of getting all our humans and all our supplies cross-country would be immense, which means your cost would be in the $1,200 range. So see it’s much cheaper for you just to fly to Los Angeles! We picked a site near LA because it is one of the easiest airports from which to find flight deals.

WHAT ABOUT A-CAMP IN CANADA?
Getting our entire team and supplies to Canada would probably cost about a million dollars and therefore it’d cost you like a billion dollars to attend.

Stef: BUT WHY

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Five Posts Rachel Can’t Believe You Motherf*ckers Didn’t Read Last Month

Seeking Queer Theology and Perfect Love that Casts Out Fear by Audrey White: It makes me so happy to have this on the website finally because this piece was SO long in the making. Not because of any fault on Audrey’s part but because it’s a big topic! And things happen every week that alter this landscape or at least become new points of data upon it and really Audrey could have written a 300-page book, who knows, maybe she will someday. But finally we reached a place where Audrey had said what she wanted to say, and it incorporated the most recent set of current events, and all of the editors had signed off on it and the clouds were in a favorable position and augury indicated that the timing was auspicious, and now this piece exists in the world and it’s so lovely! It’s smart and brave and gentle all at once. Idk just read it, probably.

Londyn Smith de Richelieu Talks Being a Trans Woman of Color on Love Thy Sister by Heather Hogan: Virtually no place on earth is safe, really safe, for trans women of color and especially Black trans women; teevee and the media are no exception. Which is why it’s so important that Londyn Smith de Richelieu is part of Love Thy Sister, and her actual life and actual words are documented on screen. Londyn chose to be a part of the show in large part to educate viewers, so let her! Her own words about her life exist in this interview that she did with Heather. Don’t miss the opportunity to read them! You have but one life to live!

Say Yes to the Dress Recap: Brittney Griner and Glory Johnson by Helen McDonald: This piece brought me so much joy and it can do the same for you! I like Brittney Griner so much AND I like Helen so much and after reading this recap I also like Glory Johnson so much even though I did not know much about her beforehand and anyway what I’m telling you is that there isn’t any possible way this won’t make your day better. Often when we recap things at Autostraddle we have to use humor and hyperbole because the thing we’re recapping is upsetting, like a Glee episode or a presidential debate. But not today! No, this recap is hilarious and what it is recounting is beautiful and heartwarming!

The Speakeasy Book Club 2: Come Talk about Borderlands/La Frontera With Us by the Speakeasy: Y’all! You have to get in here. I realize there are many ways, in this instance, to convince yourself to not get in here and read: you didn’t read the book, you are still reading the book sort of kind of and might finish it one day and you want to wait til that day to read it, you aren’t a POC and aren’t sure this is relevant to you, you’re trapped under a boulder at the bottom of a crevasse, etc. Well sorry but EXCUSES ARE FOR DUMB DUMBS. I hope you imagined hearing that in the voice of the dad from Little Miss Sunshine. Anyways this book is outrageously important and you should read about regardless of your current status re: having read the book itself. Good I’m glad we had this talk.

All these interviews!

Top Chef’s Melissa King talks to Heather Hogan
Jasika Nicole talks to Heather Hogan
Patricia Velasquez talks to Yvonne Marquez
Julia Nunes talks to Kaitlyn Jakola

I realize I’m cheating here because there’s more than one thing but I just wanted to point out to you that we’re KILLING IT with interviews right now. Just totally crushing it. I don’t know you, I don’t know your life, but I promise that at least one of the remarkable women we’ve interviewed this month is somebody that you’re either really into or would be really into if you gave yourself the chance. Like for real if you read through all of these and don’t get super into ANY of them, I will give you your money back even though reading those articles was free, because I feel this strongly on the issue. Thank you and goodnight.

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Heather’s Nearly There Springtime Beer Picks of the Month

It’s time to say goodbye to the cold weather. No, seriously, cold weather, get the heck out of here! And so we must also bid adieu to the warm spiciness of winter ale season and turn our attention toward springtime beer season, one of the best (and most overlooked) seasons for serious beer drinkers. If you live in the northeast like me, you’ve probably had it up to here with the endless subzero temperatures. (If you live in New York City like me, you’ve also probably had up to infinity with the piles of garbage snow that won’t frikkin’ melt.) I bought a peach sour ale on a lark last week and for one glorious half hour, I tricked my brain into thinking it was warm and bright outside. So, I’m suggesting three very different, kinda weird, super optimistic-tasting beers for you this month. They’re just what the doctor ordered to cure Seasonal Affective Disorder.*

(*That’s not true.)

1. Kimmie, the Yink, and the Holy Gose (Anderson Valley Brewing Company)

Gose is a old school German-style wheat/barley beer that is brewed with salt, y’all, and is intentionally soured during fermentation. Sounds gross, right? Oh, but no! The salt is there. It’s very obviously there. But it’s not like a gose tastes like pickle juice or anything. It’s more like the salt keeps the sweetness in check but still provides your tongue with a shamawowzah kick in the pants. Goses have become more fashionable as people have grown bored of the shandy. (There’s only so many ways to add grapefruit to a thing.) And Anderson Valley is doing it better than anyone right now. This little purple can of tarty deliciousness clocks in at a pretty low 4.2% ABV, so have two of them (and a glass of water handy). If you’re feeling extra adventurous — and can find it — give their blood orange gose a try.

2. Saison Ale (Allagash Brewing Company)

You’ve probably tried Allagash White, the Portland, Maine brewing company’s flagship witbier. (Can’t remember? Have you ever had a beer that made you go, “Hey, now! Is this what Blue Moon would taste like if it wasn’t brewed by Coors? That was probably Allagash White.) So, saisons were traditionally brewed in the winter with lots of tartness and spice and yeasty fruitiness, and people drank them all summer long. The brewing style almost went extinct, but the craft beer revolution has shown it some serious love over the last few years. Allagash’s saison is a little more bitter than most saisons, but it still provides the crisp, punchy sweetness you need in a farmhouse ale. It weighs in at a noble 6.2 % ABV and is carbonated juuuuuust right for the flavor profile.

3. Spring Blonde (New Belgium Brewing Company)

I know, I know. Blonde ales are bland ales, but not this one! New Belgium’s Spring Blonde tastes like springtime sunshine in a pint glass, and I am not kidding around. It’s crisp, yep yep yep. But there’s a citrusy sourness that sets it apart. Way apart. And, like the very best blonde ales, there’s a smooth honey finish in every sip. This is a good beginner’s craft beer, but it’ll satisfy your light n’ sweet refined palate, too! 6% ABV and super drinkable. Or, if you’re pairing it with another beer on this list, drink this one first. The gose will wreck your taste buds, in the very best way.

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Carolyn’s Sex Toy Recommendation Of The Month

There are a ton of great lubes out there, but one of my favourites isn’t often marketed as one — coconut oil.

It smells and tastes lovely (if you’re into coconuts) without being “flavored” (which always makes me want to gag). The texture doesn’t feel chemical the way other lubes can feel chemical. Also, one of the worst parts about winter besides the cold and cloudiness and seasonal affective disorder and salt stains is dry skin and coconut oil can help with that too – instead of feeling sticky or dry after, you get to feel soft and moisturized.

A safety note: oil-based lubes wreck havoc on latex barriers, so don’t use coconut oil when you need to have safer sex. It also might lead to infections if you have sensitive skin, according to Scarleteen, though everyone is different.

Get something extra virgin cold-pressed and check the ingredients to make sure the only ingredient really is coconut oil. You might even want to experiment with brands — I find Now great for sex and Trader Joe’s coconut oil terrible for it for me and both are technically extra-virgin cold pressed oils, so, follow your arrow.

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I Just Need One Sentence About A-Camp

 

Riese: Hey who has one sentence describing A-Camp
Like a tagline for the front page
I’m asking for a friend
By “a friend” I mean Alex
Laura: “300 queermos descend on a mountaintop for five days of workshops, friendship building, and emotional processing.”
Carmen: I keep wanting to say fun, feeling, and XXXXX but can’t think of another “F”
Facts / Friends / Frolicing in the woods
Audrey: COME HOME.
Carmen: “One week. One mountain. One million feelings.”
I have no idea you guys I have a marketing degree
Ali: Queermonormative Dream Space for Grown-Up Grrrrrls and Bois.

 

 

Ali: You guys, I’m super tired today I did not sleep well
Carmen: We’re all so embarrassed by our ideas
Ali: My brain smells like bacon now
Carmen: A-CAMP: NO NORMIES ALLOWED
Laneia: A-Camp: Maybe You Will See A Bear
Rachel: A-Camp: No One Off The Mountain Loves You Like We Love You
Carmen: Learning? Workshops. Panels. Discussion. Growing our minds! Our brains!
Crop tops come to mind

Carmen: A-Camp: You Just Might Meet Your Wife
Yvonne: If we had an office this would all be on a white board
Riese: Moment of silence for our lack of an office
Laneia: I also like “get in here” or “get up here” and um, see what the fuss is about, see what we’re talking about, see yourself, make a space, make yourself
Yvonne: Oh I like that direction
Carmen: Is “finding yourself” too cliche
Laneia: I just thought “see what you’re made of” and wanted to stab myself but also like, it’s true
but this isn’t bootcamp so
Carmen: Like find yourself, find a community, find a home
Get lost in it
Laneia: It’s also making those things too though? I think it would be cool if we could make it sound like an active space that you have to put some amount of work into
Rachel: The family you didn’t know you were missing, your family’s waiting for you, etc
Laneia: You belong here
Rachel: All of my ideas are sounding increasingly creepy
“We’ve been waiting to meet you”
Riese: “We have a machete in our back pockets just waiting for you”
“Rachel is behind you”
Laneia: “Come sit on our laps”
Rachel: “This Kool-Aid is very safe to drink”
Laneia: “Tell us your allergies, we’ll tell your our tales”
Laura: “We banished cis men and also fixed everything you hated about sleepaway camp as a kid.”
Laneia: Don’t Feed the Bears, Feed Your Soul. A-Camp.
I want everything to sound like an Avon ad
:fade to black:

 

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XOXO

Team Autostraddle