Welcome to Interviews With My Ex-Girlfriend, in which Autostraddle writers get back in touch with their ex-girlfriends to ask them Five Simple Questions:
- How long did we date?
- Why did we break up?
- What did you learn from our relationship?
- What do you miss most about me?
- Would you invite me to your wedding (why/why not)?
Dannielle: We’re trying to figure out right now when we met.
El: The way I remember it is that we dated for about four months, ten years ago. Is that right?
Dannielle: Yeah.
El: And we broke up because you were highly negligent of me as a girlfriend.
Dannielle: Because you cheated on me.
El: Because you were highly negligent of me as a girlfriend!
Dannielle: No! Not before you cheated on me! We had a blast before you cheated on me!
El: What?
Dannielle: We did. We went to Belize, we went to New York.
El: Oh yeah, that was all fun.
Dannielle: We had fun, like, putting each other in our top eight on Myspace.
El: You didn’t appreciate me when I made latkes.
Dannielle: Well. I don’t even remember that, so.
El: Really?
Dannielle: No! I don’t.
El: Seriously? The pictures are on Facebook! The whole house smelled like fried food for two days.
Dannielle: Aww, that’s sweet though. I’m sorry I neglected you.
El: It’s okay. I’m sorry I cheated on you. It was a hard breakup. Especially with how long it took us to be friends again.
Dannielle: Yeah.
El: This breakup lingered.
Dannielle: Yeah. I wish I remembered the months and stuff…it was like we broke up in February or March, but I don’t remember not talking to you until probably the summer.
El: Then there was a summer visit that was very confusing.
Dannielle: Yeah. That was rough.
El: That was really rough. And then you moved to Chicago.
Dannielle: I did. Yeah. And that helped. With the space. We stopped speaking to each other and then I moved to another state so…if anyone needs advice on breakups.
look at my tiny cup
El: But it took us about ten years to really hang out. We actually haven’t hung out one-on-one since then.
Dannielle: Shit. I guess we haven’t! That was so long ago. We were different people. What do you think has changed about you the most since we dated?
El: I think I care about people a lot more.
Dannielle: That makes sense. No offense, but.
El: No, no, it’s true. People in my present don’t understand when I say that I was Lindsay Lohan, basically. When I was younger, it was always about whatever the hell I wanted. I didn’t care about anyone, really. My sense of self has really strengthened. I know who I am. I don’t expect as much out of people. Yeah. I would say I’m just a better person now that I’m older. At least I hope so!
Dannielle: I feel like we both have our shit together a lot more. I feel the same. I feel like my relationships with people are very different and much better because I think I have more patience and understanding for other people’s point of view. Like I look back at us, and you kissed someone when you were twenty and wasted and I thought: “fuck that.”
El: No, I remember because…
Dannielle: No, here’s what happened. You ready?
El: No! There’s so much!
Dannielle: There’s so much. Okay. See what happened was our ex-girlfriends were dating each other and they knew that El was going to a club and they were like: “I’m positive that El is going to cheat on Danielle because that’s what she does.” And then you were so annoyed by that. And I was too, I thought it was really offensive that they would say that. So you were like, “would you be mad if I kissed Jess?” and I was like, “No, go for it.” Then you were like, “I would never do that to you.” But the next day you called me and you were like: “I cheated on you.” And I didn’t know how to deal with my emotions at that point in my life so I was just like: “it’s fine.”
El: And then instead of working through it, you got a crush on someone else.
Dannielle: Oh, yeah. Yeah.
El: And then you spent all your time with her instead of actually telling me what was bothering you and then I couldn’t be jealous because I definitely made out with someone else.
Dannielle: Yeah. I dealt with that really, really poorly. I wasn’t honest with my feelings and that put you in a position where you couldn’t be. That’s something that’s changed about me for sure. I’m very honest about my feelings now.
El: I’m a pretty loyal person.
Dannielle: Wow. We’ve grown so much.
El: I’m sorry!
Dannielle: I’m sorry! I’m glad we’re friends now. Look everyone, you can be like us!
El: It might take ten years.
Dannielle: But you have to grow as a person.
picture from before they grew as people
Dannielle: Next question. What do you miss most about me?
El: Your sense of humor.
Dannielle: Oh, thank you!
El: Also your taste in music.
Dannielle: Oh, really?
El: Oh, wait, let me take that back. Your taste in music ten years ago.
Dannielle: Today she got in my car and I was listening to Justin Bieber.
El: This is true.
Dannielle: Oh man. I used to be so cool. Alright. What about our relationship impacted your later relationships?
El: I felt like my sex drive was too high. It impacted me because I think yours was much lower than mine…
Dannielle: Yeah.
El: And I felt self conscious about how high I was discovering mine was, because at the time I was eighteen or nineteen.
Dannielle: Right.
El: I think because of my initial experience being with somebody who has such a different level than me, it’s something I still think about today, like: “Is this going to be too much for them to handle?”
Dannielle: I also had a really weird relationship with sex until very recently because, I don’t know. A lot of shame is placed on it. Also especially being a girl who likes girls in the South, no one tells you anything. You’re not taught anything. I also dated a couple of people who thought sex was weird. So I just felt really weird about it in general, and I kind of stifled that part of myself. I’m better now! I love sex now! I’m sorry that it affected you.
El: Ha! But what are you supposed to do when you grow up in South Carolina?
Dannielle: I don’t fucking know.
El: I don’t either. Wait. Did you date a lot of straight girls before me?
Dannielle: Almost everyone that I dated I’ve been their first girlfriend.
El: Oh, well no wonder. That would make me have a weird relationship with sex.
Dannielle: Yeah?
El: I think so.
Dannielle: Maybe. I think growing up in the South ruins you.
El: Abstinence-only education.
Dannielle: Yeah, what are you doing, world?
Dannielle: Okay. Would you, at this juncture, invite me to your wedding? Why or why not?
El: Yes!
Dannielle: Yaaaay!
El: You can officiate it! Don’t you do that?
Dannielle: Oh, fuck yeah! That would be so fun.
El: But I’m nowhere near getting married right now. I’m single.
Dannielle: Oh yeah! She’s single. Ready to mingle! Ladies!
El: I won’t cheat on you!
Dannielle: And if you cheat on me, I won’t neglect you, everyone. Wait. I’m not single, I’m sorry.
<3 So precious.
Aww. This interview was cute and funny. But I think the real takeaway is, Dannielle had great hair a decade ago and she still has great hair today.
at least SOMEONE got the point
It’s super interesting to hear how people process how different they are as people now by looking at their relationships from so many years ago. I feel like I’ve changed a lot in my time, it’s making me think back to my first relationship….
This column keeps getting better and better!
“I won’t cheat on you!” best
Me and my GF read these out loud play style, and we picked the wrong characters. It was a good experience.
awww. this was great and it also basically described the exact scenario of why my first gf and i broke up. nice to know it happens to the best of us and we grow up.