This was the week that all your Ellen Page questions were answered. Well, at least if your only question was “who does Ellen Page go to Whole Foods with?” But what about your other most beloved young queer celebrities? For instance, what’s Raven-Symoné up to? Honestly, we have no idea. But hey, we can take some guesses.
1. Transcribing the plot of the latest Game of Thrones episode into emojis
2. Making a grilled cheese with tomatoes for the meal in between lunch and dinner
3. Helping AzMarie pick out a sleeveless zip up hoodie
4. Researching how much it costs to buy a castle
5. Watching Youtube compilations about Sharmen set to Whitney Houston songs
6. Trying to decide whether she wants to try knitting a scarf or just buy one from Old Navy or something
7. Looking up winged eyeliner tutorials because seriously, who is able to just do that on their own
8. Calling friends but when they pick up she just presses different buttons on the Beyoncé soundboard
9. Riding go-karts with AzMarie and then going to get an Orange Julius. Is Orange Julius still in business? If not, a root beer float.
10. Telling her cat how much she loves it and rubbing its tummy while the cat tries to go back to sleep
11. Choosing whether to wear the ankle boots she looks amazing in or the mid-calf boots she looks amazing in (she goes with the mid-calf boots)
12. Getting a macchiato from Starbucks and the barista gets her name right because she’s fucking Raven-Symoné
13. Taking a ceramics class because why not
14. Rewatching Orange is the New Black and getting kind of teary thinking about Suzanne
15. Opening up 13 different tabs of puppies on Petfinder
16. Rewatching Zenon, Girl of the 21st Century and thinking about how she would have made a really good Zenon, which is true
17. Getting the background image on her credit card changed to that of a baby panda
18. Making a third attempt at reading Anna Karenina
19. Going back and forth about whether that Buzzfeed list about pugs is funny enough to share on Facebook
20. Wearing a tank top with Kristen Stewart’s face on it
21. Building a pillow fort with AzMarie to watch Goonies inside of
I so appreciate this vapid fluff.
me too
autostraddle, how is it you know the answers to my questions before I even know my questions?
Vapid fluff is now my favourite category. Also I just tried to do that thing where you get magic perfect winged eyeliner with a spoon and the results were neither magic nor perfect. Also I couldn’t figure out which hand was meant to hold the spoon. Eyeliner is so hard.
i have also tried the spoon thing and been totally thwarted, but was too ashamed to say it in public until now because i thought everyone else could do it. thank you for helping me get this off my chest, i am in solidarity with you re: eyeliner and spoons
I tried that same tutorial! It looked so good in the video. It did not look good on me.
Okay, this is gonna sound counter-intuitive. But the trick to getting winged-eyeliner perfection is starting from the outside corner, where the winged tip would normally end, and then working your way in. I just feel like this gives me more control. Also. I like using a gel pot of eyeliner and angled brush.
Winged eyeliner is harder with liquid eyeliner in a tube than it is with palette eyeliner and an angled brush (I have the benefit get bent brush). So much easier because you can make the eyeliner the consistency you want…just don’t blink too soon!
This is the hard-hitting, important conversations that need to be had because I’ve been asking my mom to do my eyeliner and now that I’m almost 22, its getting pretty weird. I want wings so sharp I can slice a hole through femme invisibility.
Nice to see vapid fluff continuing to be a popular category over here.
Omg this is like, totally like gay cosmo!
…Except not because this is actually hilarious and probably factual.
The Baffler shade is so real right now.
Ok, so the Vapid Fluff tag is my new favorite tag ever ever ever ever… EVER!
What a great way to respond to such unfounded criticism about Autostraddle- turn that sucker on its head!
(Also, it means more Ellen Page and Raven Symone, so win-win? For the next edition of “Vapid Fluff”, can I suggest “What did Angel Haze and Ireland Baldwin have for dinner last night?”)
I just need to know where I can buy the K-Stew tank.
i think etsy has you covered!
Thank you! My life is now complete…actually an Ellen Page tank would make my life complete…come on etsy!
Guys, this isn’t even vapid fluff. Rachel uses themes of queer and TOTES COSMO culture to symbolize the connection shared between members of the queer community, even through differences in class, I mean fame.
I changed the background photo on my credit card to a parrot because, like, why not?
I have a sneaking suspicion that this is a list of things that Rachel may be doing or want to be doing right now. I mean, who isn’t in the market for a castle these days?
I should probably start being the change I want to see in the world and do #8
Thanks, Rachel. Now I’m doing #5.
SIXTEEN
#8 though
Or Raven Symone is reading Autostraddle and conveniently found herself with a 21-itemed “to do” list for tomorrow >:)
I can already tell that the “vapid fluff” category is going to become one of my Internet happy places where I go when I’ve had a crappy day and want to look at smile-inducing things.
a. Thank you for the Vapid Fluff pieces. Keep ’em coming.
b. This is actually a list of all the things I wish I was doing right now!
#2 is one of my favorite things to do and I really hope Raven does it too because then we can be ~connected~ through grilled cheese space time warps.
If I was Raven, I’d probably spend 99% of my time sneaking up on random people and saying, “NEVERMORE,” and then yelling, “No one will ever believe you when you tell them this story!” as I’m running away.
I’m masculine-of-center but I reeeaaally want to attempt winged eyeliner. Can that be a thing? Is that even feasible?
with winged eyeliner all things are possible! please do this thing and then show us pictures in the open thread on friday!
This is SO Raven.
also, “vapid fluff” gets an a+++
I needed this today <3