BUT DAMN IF I DON’T LOVE A GINGER
This year I basically didn’t see any movies. Well, I mean I saw a lot of movies but they were mostly comedies, super heros and things released in 3D. I can be better, I promise. So I’m using this years Golden Globes to sit back, laugh at some hilarious women and figure out what I need to see before the Academy awards. I am however completely up to date on every TV show ever and I have very strong feelings about all of it.
And (some of the) nominees are:
Best Motion Picture, Drama
Argo
Django Unchained
Life of Pi
Lincoln
Zero Dark Thirty
Best Actress in a Motion Picture, Drama
Jessica Chastain, “Zero Dark Thirty”
Marion Cotillard, “Rust and Bone”
Helen Mirren, “Hitchcock”
Naomi Watts, “The Impossible”
Rachel Weisz, “The Deep Blue Sea”
Best Motion Picture, Comedy or Musical
The Best Exotic Marigold Hotel
Les Miserables
Moonrise Kingdom
Salmon Fishing in the Yemen
Silver Linings Playbook
Best Actress in a Motion Picture, Comedy or Musical
Emily Blunt, “Salmon Fishing in the Yemen”
Judi Dench, “The Best Exotic Marigold Hotel”
Maggie Smith, “Quartet”
Jennifer Lawrence, “Silver Linings Playbook”
Meryl Streep, “Hope Springs”
Best Animated Feature Film
Brave
Frankenweenie
Hotel Transylvania
Rise of the Guardians
Wreck-It Ralph
Best Original Song – Motion Picture
For You, “Act of Valor”
Not Running Anymore, “Stand Up Guys”
Safe and Sound, “The Hunger Games”
Skyfall, “Skyfall”
Suddenly, “Les Miserables”
Best Television Series, Drama
Breaking Bad
Boardwalk Empire
Downton Abbey
Homeland
The Newsroom
Best Television Series, Comedy or Musical
The Big Bang Theory
Episodes
Girls
Modern Family
Smash
Let’s do this starting at 8pm EST.
7:55 EST: Let’s get this shit started. I may have spent other liveblogs eating delicious cheese and drinking red wine, but this time I think I’ll save that for the Oscars. So tonight all I’m armed with is a bowl of Annie’s mac and cheese, a bottle of seltzer and this really comfy sweatshirt blanket I have.
7:58 EST: I’m a sucker for red carpet photos
OUR LOVELY HOSTS!
CLAIRE DANES, WHY CAN’T WE BE TOGETHER IN HOMOLAND?
A RARE RED CARPET PHOTO OF TAYLOR SWIFT NOT IN WHITE
THIS IS PRETTY PERFECT
DID YOU HAVE TO TAKE A BASKET WEAVING CLASS TO MAKE THAT TOP?
STYLE IDOL
JFOS IS LOOKING REALLY GOOD FOR 50
8:03 EST: “Ricky Gervais is no longer technically in show business.” Ha. Love it.
AND YOU SAID WOMEN WEREN’T FUNNY
8:06 EST: NOOOOO. Meryl Streep is out sick!!
8:08 EST: This might be the first time I’ve ever actually laughed multiple times during the host’s introduction. Like ever.
8:10 EST: Welp we’re gonna hit the ground running on this shindig. Best supporting actor goes to Christoph Waltz for Django Unchained . I think he’s going to cry and/or vomit on stage right now.
8:12 EST: Best supporting actress in a TV show, mini series or TV movie goes to Maggie Smith, no surprise there. Too bad she didn’t take the flight in. She’s probably saving it for the Emmy’s.
8:19 EST: I’m surprised Game Change wins best miniseries. I love Julianne Moore like crazy but I thought Game Change had mixed reviews. It only has a 63% on Rotten Tomatoes.
8:25 EST: Welp looks like the Globeys liked Game Change better than the critics. My favorite gay-for-pay Julianne Moore wins for best actress in a miniseries or TV movie. I guess everyone loves a good Sarah Palin impersonation.
PRETENDING THIS IS FOR THE KIDS ARE ALL RIGHT
8:28 EST: Tina Fey talking about Hunger Games? I think I had a dream about this once. But everyone was wearing less.
8:29 EST:Wow the HFPA president is actually kind of funny. It’s really weird though that everyone sits at tables eating during the Golden Globes. Shouldn’t they be awkwardly stuffed into theater chairs?
8:31 EST: I just decided I’m rooting for The Best Exotic Marigold Hotel. In other news, please don’t let Jon Hamm win for Madmen. I’m so over it.
8:35 EST: Oh thank god. Damian Lewis wins for Homeland. Of course, Homeland is like the one TV show I’m not watching right now. Should I be watching it? Is that what all the cool kind are doing?
8:36 EST: That awkward moment when the whole Golden Globe system breaks down and no one knows what to do or say.
8:38 EST: I guess all the cool kinds are watching Homeland since Homeland wins for best TV drama.
8:43 EST:When I see John Goodman, I just think of him in The Flintstones movie.
8:44 EST: I feel like it has been a really long time since I last saw JLo. JLo, where you been at? I missed you!
Is there any doubt John Williams is going to win for best origional score for Lincoln?
8:46 EST: Welp, I feel dumb. Mychael Danna wins best original score for Life of Pi.
8:48 EST: Okay but well all agree that Adele is going to win for “Skyfall” right? Because: Adele.
8:50 EST: Yup there it is. Adele wins the Golden Globe for best original song. I love that Adele seems genuinely surprised that she won. I mean, we all knew it right?
ADELE IS ONLY TWO DAYS OLDER THAN ME. WTF AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE?
Taylor Swift is not pleased. 
8:55 EST: Wait. Did Tina Fey just sneak into that dude’s seat and pose as him? Hilar. Less importantly, Kevin Costner wins for best actor in a miniseries or TV movies for Hatfields & McCoys.
8:58 EST: What on earth is Bill Clinton doing here!?!?! Holy shit they actually got a former president to talk about the movie Lincoln. Obviously because it’s Bill Clinton he sells the fucking hell out of it. I honestly didn’t much want to see this until now. Oh Bill.
9:00 EST:
Amy: OMG that was Hilary Clinton’s husband!
Tina: That was William Rodham Clinton.
So happy right now. Also this happened earlier:
9:05 EST:Yay JLaw wins for Silver Linings Playbook for best actress in a comedy!! I love her forever! But she will always be Katniss in my heart.
JLaw: I beat Meryl!
9:12 EST: Wow Kristen Bell is so super pregnant! How did I miss that one? Also best supporting actor in a tv show/miniseries or movie goes to Ed Harris for Game Change which I think is sort of a shame because I really like Max Greenfield on New Girl.
HOLD YOUR HORSES VERONICA MARS
9:15 EST: Anne Hathaway wins best supporting actress for Les MisérablesGod could Anne Hathaway look any cuter with that short hair? I love her. No seriously. She just said “blerg” and is crying. Adorbs. Although her hair does look a little old school Biebs.
9:19 EST: Damn I want a snack but my kitchen is too far away to get there and back before the end of the comercial break. My life is so hard.
9:22 EST: Will I ever not associate Amanda Seyfried with Mean Girls? I think not. Maybe I just don’t want to. Regardless Quentin Tarantino wins best screenplay for Django Unchained Although he sounds a teeny tiny bit crazy, I totally know what he’s talking about when he says reading his work aloud to his friends helps him to hear it through their ears. I totally do this whenever I’m not sure if something is funny.
QUENTIN’S SPIT TAKE
9:27 EST: Lucy Liu looks fucking amazing. And just so all of you know, Debra Messing went to Brandeis where Rachel and I went! So no big deal it’s a big deal. While I always want Big Bang Theory to win everything, it’s nice to see Don Cheadle win best actor in a TV show for House of Lies. A few weeks ago my friends and I got into a pretty heated discussion over how to pronounce Cheadle. She thought it was pronounced Shield. I said Chee-Dal. Based on that announcement, I won. I love winning.
9:34 EST: Yay time for best foreign film! I have this rule where I watch whatever foreign film wins! This year the winner for best foreign film was Amour. It appears to be about sad old people so maybe I’ll save this one for when I have a hangover.
9:37 EST: I feel like Lea Michele is so talented it makes me sort of sad that she’s presenting instead of receiving awards. Obviously Glee isn’t wining any awards, but I would love to see Lea in a live sung musical (I think post-Les Mis there will be many more).
9:40 EST:Claire Danes wins for best actress in a TV drama for Homeland. I love Claire Danes forever but is it okay that I just don’t want to watch a show about terrorism? I just don’t.
9:42 EST: I know you guys were on the edge of your seats about the whole “Lizz is hungry” situation. I ran up for a snack. Taleggio and crackers just FYI.
9:45 EST: I don’t think Sacha Baron Cohen is funny at all. Also even though I obviously want Brave to win for best animated feature, I feel sort of like Wreck-It Ralph deserves a little love too. And Hotel Transylvania. Don’t judge me.
9:48 EST: No surprise but still awesome, Brave wins for best animated picture. I hope this encourages Disney to produce more animated films feature independent girls with no love interest!
9:53 EST: Just saw the clips from Life of Pi. I don’t want to see the movie because, um, I read the last ten pages of the book.
Now time for the most important category! I watch, literally every show in the best actress in a comedy category. I’m not sure Lena Dunham is actually better than Tina Fey, Amy Poehler or Julia Louis-Dreyfus but she has done a great job tonight making me feel like I haven’t done anything with my life. Just to be clear, by “not sure Lena Dunham is actually better” I mean I think that she’s not and Amy Poehler got ripped off. I think the Golden Globes are mostly just rewarding Lena Dunham for being young and being on HBO.
9:58 EST: Wait can anyone tell me if The Mindy Project could have qualified this year? Because Mindy Kaling is the funniest woman on television.
10:00 EST: Robert Downey Junior is one of my favorite actors because I don’t in any way distinguish between him and Tony Stark. And I love Tony Stark. I couldn’t tell you why he’s roasting Jodie Foster now. Is it just because she’s awesome? Whatever, I’ll always take a tribute to a talented lezzie.
JODIE FOSTER LOOKS LIKE TAYLOR
10:06 EST: Also JFos looks stupidly good for 50. OMG is she about to come out?
10:07 EST: HOLY SHIT Jodie Foster just came out officially! Like on TV! Holy shit!!
10:12 EST: Um. Oh my god that just really happened.
10:15 EST: Okay I’ve collected my thoughts and pulled myself up from the floor. I think Jodie Foster pull that off perfectly. She got everyone all tense and nervous for a second, made a joke and then was like, “look, everyone knows I’m gay.” She got to have a moment to talk about privacy while still officially confirming her sexual orientation which, at this point in time I think is important. Wow.
10:18 EST: I’m surprised it wasn’t Lincoln, but Ben Affleck wins best director for Argo. Who ever thought Ben Affleck would become a legitimate grown-up Hollywood figure?
WAIT WHAT?
10:21 EST: I feel like Girls is going to win best comedy but I really want Big Bang Theory or Modern Family to win.
10:23 EST: And there is it. Girls wins best comedy. I haven’t done anything with my life. I need to write a pilot and get famous immediately. It does crack me up that Lena Dunham is somehow the only person at the Golden Globes reading from notes.
THE MODERN FAMILY CAST WAS SUPER BUMMED
10:28 EST: I’m exhausted. These are long. Also, should I be watching Smash? I’m seeing a lot of ads for it tonight. I’m a big sucker for advertisement.
10:30 EST: Christian Bale never fails to look totally creepy.
10:32 EST: Jennifer Garner is so pretty and amazing. My sister-in-law has met her a bunch because she comes into her shop in Boston. Apparently she is super nice. Hugh Jackman wins for best actor in a comedy or musical for Les Misérables. I always forget he’s Australian until the moment he starts speaking. More importantly I feel like whenever I see him in a movie I’m always thinking “It’s so cool that Wolverine has an acting career now.” I also love how many people have been so wholeheartedly thanking and loving their partners. I really appreciate it. Its just nice to hear that some people really do love forever.
10:36 EST: I know you guys probably can’t see it because of “local news” but there was just the funniest comercial for one of tonight’s news pieces. It’s about the trials and tribulations of a local (Providence/Rhode Island) marching band. I hope your local news ads are as good as mine.
10:38 EST: Whoa aftermath of 911. That shit got serious fast. It’s not that I don’t want to see Zero Dark Thirty, it’s just that I don’t really want to see any movie about war ever. It’s a thing.
10:40 EST: OOOhhhh! Here comes best comedy or musical! I’m kind of rooting for Moonrise Kingdom.
10:42 EST: But I’m not a member of the HFPA and the award for best comedy or musical goes to Les Misérables I guess it does seem pretty impressive when you get to play “Do You Hear the People Sing” as the cast and crew walks up.
Also can we talk about Anne Hathaway and Amanda Seyfried’s on-stage spooning situation? Adorbs.
10:47 EST: I just learned the other day that George Clooney had Bell’s Palsy, a dysfunction of cranial nerve five that causes one half of your face to paralyzed, sometimes forever. I think that he should speek out about this more because it’s really scary when it happens to people. Also, Jessica Chastain wins for best actress in a drama for Zero Dark Thirty. I hate when Helen Mirren loses. She’s my fave.
10:50 EST: I can’t believe Meryl Streep is out sick. George Clooney you are no substitute for the most amazing actress in the world. Oh, and Daniel Day-Lewis wins best actor for portraying a great American president.
10:55 EST: I think it’s time for more Tina Fey and Amy Poehler. I needs the funnies. Actually, I think all that’s left is the award for best drama.
10:58 EST: Is Julia Roberts wearing a pants jumpsuit romper thing? I like that she and the other presenters seem to be plahing it so loose and casual.
DID NOT EVEN KNOW SHE WAS THERE UNTIL THE MOMENT SHE STEPPED ON STAGE
10:59 EST: Best drama goes to Argo. Once again, I still can’t believe that Ben Affleck became a real human. Remember him in Dogma?
DOUBLE FISTING.
11:00 EST: That’s a wrap! Tonight was actually really entertaining! I actually wasn’t bored, which is really saying something for an award show. Well, plus Jodie Foster came out. Wowza.
Amy Poehler: Goodnight everybody! We’re going home with Jodie Foster!
ME TOO
I’m etcited!
I AM CRYING BECAUSE OF LUCY LIU’S DRESS AND HAIR AND FACE AND ENTIRE BEING
MY QUEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEN
OMG YES
I got ridiculously excited about Amy Pohler sideboob
Such tasteful sideboob.
Dear Tina Fey, will you marry me? Could a human being be more perfect??
I just love Lena Dunham, she is everything to me. I cannot wait to see how she does AND the GIRLS premie is tonight. I do not think things can get much better.
I have mixed feelings re Lena dunham. she might be a little full of herself. but maybe thats just jealousy speaking and the fact that she makes me feel like ‘I haven’t done anything with my life.’, too.
I did of course watched last nights premiere though.
“bisexuals are the only group you can still make fun of. bisexuals and germans!” Scheiße! I’m fucked.
*watch
Why are Amy Pohler and Tina Fey in 6-inch stilettos, with their boobs popping out?! I don’t understand. #selfrespect #feminism #rolemodels #upset
What? Are women in burlap sacks your idea of feminism?
No, of course not. All of us “real feminists” wear shoes that cripple us when we walk, and clothes that make our tits fall out when we lean over.
I used to criticize my ex-girlfriend for wearing those kind of heels/clothes/makeup/jewelry/etc, but she showed me that it’s more about WHY you’re wearing what you’re wearing than the actual clothes you put on. She wore completely impractical clothes because she liked to and it made her feel empowered and feminine in a good way. And I have to respect that. Criticizing her choices based on my criteria actually made me an asshole and a bad feminist.
as everyone knows, the entertainment business has traditionally been about practical clothing and sturdy footwear. the same way being a feminist has traditionally been about shaming and criticizing other women.
oh, wait, it’s just that you have a grasp on neither showbusiness nor feminism.
Ahhh, this is where the Facebook status came from… Heh.
Seriously? Do you really know what feminism is? I mean have you ever read at least a definition of it? Real feminists know that women can & should make their own choices.
p.s How many burlap sacks do you own?
Ah come on, guys. If we’re going to talk about this, let’s have a real discussion and not resort to petty arguing.
I’m just confused at the hashtags.
Good to know that the heels and dress I’ve chosen to wore for my first day of class make me less of a feminist, thanks for clearing that up.
Maggie Smith wasn’t nominated for a supporting actress award. She was nominated for best actress in a comedy or musical. I only know that because Anne Hathaway is nominated for that award and if I doesn’t win for her performance in Les Mis I’m going to throw something at my tv.
That was when she won for best supporting actress on a TV show. Maggie smith is nominated for all the awards!
oh I didn’t know that! Also I’m glad Anne Hathaway won, my tv will live another day.
“That was Hillary Clinton’s husband!” Best line of the night, perfection by Amy Pohler
YES WATCH HOMELAND IT IS SO INCREDIBLE AND REALLY JUST DO IT! Also this is the first Golden Globes I’ve decided to miss in approx 11 years and I’m totes starting to regret my decision..
“YOU GET OUT OF HERE!”
So, I’m really upset that Benedict Cumberbatch didn’t win because I’m obsessed with Sherlock but I shouldn’t be surprised since it was a shock he was even nominated. Also, that part where Tina Fey put on the wig and the mustache was AMAZING. And Kristen Wiig and Will Ferrell. I’m done. My life can end now and I will be happy.
I was also sad. Cumberbitches 5ever.
What I’m really puzzled about is why they seem to be making the same mistake with Sherlock that the awards shows did with Downton Abbey a year ago – putting them in the miniseries category simply because British TV seasons are short, even though they know the show is going to keep on making episodes in the future.
I know but at least he was nominated. They didn’t even nominate the show itself which was a total mistake. I feel like it just wasn’t “mainstream” enough to actually win anything which is sad because it’s so good and deserves all the awards.
Am I the only person in the world who doesn’t like Anne Hathaway? Yes? Ok, I’ll shut up now.
Why don’t you like her?
I suppose if I examine my motives it doesn’t really have anything to do with her, persay, just my own emotional baggage. Or something.
I’m in love with her..
Everyone is. Everyone. It’s a little sickening.
But she’s so hot and really talented and well spoken..
I just….I just can’t. I just can’t.
i’m with you. hathaway seriously bugs.
From what I’ve seen it’s about 50/50 between people who like her and people who hate her so you’re definitely not alone
Really?? I’ve never met another human being who didn’t like her! Other than my sister, who I sort of forced to hate her along with me.
I don’t dislike her but I have conflicting feelings re: her performance in Les Mis.
i’m not watching the golden globes, but fuck yeah, Taleggio! #yesimacheesemonger
I love Bateman but the other dude is not funny.
Oh my god, I love Jodie Foster right now.
JODIE FOSTER IS PERFECT
I never noticed before that Jodie Foster and Taylor Hatmaker are twins and also BOTH GAY IN PUBLIC
i am super gay behind closed doors too
Is it weird that while Downey was roasting her, all I could think about was: “Wow, Britta from Community looks like her in certain angles.” But you’re totally right, Jodie totally wins the right to play Taylor in her future biopic.
But she just retired!!
Wow, that actually made my jaw drop.
Oh my gosh, I came out to my dad today! It’s like Jodie Foster and I are twins or something!
WOOO congratulations!! today is The Day To Come Out
Eh, I was hoping Wreck-It Ralph would win for best animated picture. I was not a fan of Brave. Sure it was a beautiful film to look at (I mean come on HAIR!), and anything about independent young women is awesome, but I felt that it was a rather bland film. It lacked that weirdness that Pixar is known for (which is definitely in films like Up, The Incredibles, Wall-E), which I feel that Wreck-It Ralph had it spades. Wreck-It Ralph is definitely the more clever, original film of the two. Brave feels more like one of the weaker Disney 2D-animated films from the post-Lion King era.
This liveblog is hilarious and goes perfectly with the show.
I am still trying to process Jodie Foster. Unfortunately my shitty cable provider lost sound at exactly the wrong moment, but I got to hear the build up and her privacy speech. I will have to fill in the blanks tomorrow. Hopefully some of the shock will have worn off by then.
I know. Same. At the time I was almost thinking is this like a thing they staged deliberately like in Forrest Gump? “I’m coming out as *sound goes off*”
Did she curse and that is what happened? I think it is impossible for EVERYONES cable provider to f up at the same time.
Yeah I’m assuming it was swearing since it happened again with…someone? I’m blanking on who it was. But it was clear that they were swearing the second time.
JODIE FOSTER. SUGAR MOMMA’S GOT AN OPENING.
My sister and I were holding hands and screaming, because that was one of the most suspenseful moments of our lives.
Wait guys I’m drunk and missed half of Jodie Foster’s speech, what did she say to publicly come out?
I never thought I would care so much, but honestly I can’t focus on the rest of the Golden Globes right now because I am still processing Jodie Foster’s speech
OMG Anne Hathaway you are so cute, with your rushed speeches and snuggling Amanda Seyfried.
Second best moment of the night: Anne Hathaway and Amanda Seyfried snuggling. Just me….?
Definitely not just you. They are such cuties.
OMG my eyes were totally on them!
She’s ruining my life.
I want to be able to watch this on line… but I missed it all anyway…
NO TV.. bummer
anne hathaway + amanda seyfried spooning situation :D love it
Lizz, you get a bajillion points of my Internet love for posting a GIR reaction gif.
I was making a big deal of Jodie Foster’s coming out and a straight person I’m friends with on Facebook was all nbd she’s been out since 2007
I was like, UM. THE LESBIAN COMMUNITY HAS BEEN WAITING FOR THIS FOR AGES. I think I know.
She’s been the most famously reluctant to publicly come out so I hope she sets a precedent and that other closeted actors follow suit… fingers crossed Kristen Stewart? I just really need to know after the whole Snow White drama. #notmybusiness #butstill
Oh and yes, watch SMASH. My best friend and I text each other every time it’s on and talk about how hot Katherine McPhee is. Also, it’s kind of like Glee meets Nashville and it’s actually addictingly good and all the original music is phenomenal.
Single greatest moment of the night? I think so.
http://absolutelyiris.tumblr.com/post/40495290879/not-here-for-this-shit
Feelings feelings feelings:
-As a Downton fan I am obviously thrilled that Maggie Smith won Best Supporting Actress, would have liked to see more Downton nominations please. I mean, the Dowager is the best character on the show, but I don’t feel like that’s a difficult role to play. I would like to see Laura Carmichael get a nom next year for Edith, even though Edith annoys me; she didn’t have much to do last season but has acted her heart out this (current) season. Also, where’s the love for the downstairs staff?
-Where was Mad Men’s nomination for Best TV Drama? I know they’ve won it a ton of times, but to not even nominate them? This past season was incredible and totally deserved it. And why was Jon Hamm the only acting nom from the show?
-Ugh Les Misérables is so overrated, I love the musical but the movie adaptation was meh. I’m glad Anne Hathaway won Supporting Actress, though, she deserved it.
-Speaking of overrated, like a lot of composers I am pleased every time John Williams does NOT win Best Original Score. It was bad enough when he was ripping off other people, but now he’s basically just ripping off his OWN old scores. The only interesting thing he’s done imo was his score for Munich.
-For me, best moment of the night was the butthurt on Taylor Swift’s face when Adele – quite deservingly – won Best Original Song for “Skyfall.”
-I really thought the HFPA was going to give Bigelow the Best Director award as a “sorry” for not giving it to her for Hurt Locker.
-I feel like the fact that Argo and Les Mis weren’t nominated for Best Director at the Oscars means their Golden Globe wins don’t mean much in terms of momentum. The Golden Globes and Oscars seem to been splitting a lot in the past several years too when there was more than one top contender (like how GGs awarded Social Network when Oscars awarded King’s Speech, or how GGs awarded Avatar when Oscars awarded Hurt Locker).
-My feelings re: Jodie Foster’s speech have been shared in the other article already.
addendum: I don’t feel like the Dowager is a difficult role for MAGGIE SMITH to play, but that’s only because “awesome snarky old lady” seems to be becoming her hat.
“seem to been” = “seem to be” goddammit when it’s one of my least favorite typos ever
I can’t wait for Lena Dunham to stop being popular. She’s unapologetically racist and bland as hell.
I was out last night so missed this, but now I don’t even have to watch it online thanks to this awesome recap. I saw Jodie Foster’s speech and Bill Clinton so once I find Tina & Amy’s opening skit on YouTube I will have officially seen everything of interest from this entire 3-hour-long show. Woot!