New York Mag’s Sex Diary Features Lesbian With Dirty Dreams, Lots Of Exes

I feel it’s my duty to inform you every time New York Magazine’s Sex Diaries feature a Sapphicly-Inclined Human, and thus it’s my pleasure to announce that today’s Sex Diary stars a “29-Year-Old Lesbian Whose Dreams Are Dirtier Than Her Sex Life.”

The diarist is a PR agent with a 46-year-old girlfriend/partner/”lover.” They volunteer at a soup kitchen, go to flea markets and art museums and talk about ‘academic events.’ Most of the sexual situations in the diary, however, are solo affairs, fantasies about ex-girlfriends and dirty dreams:

Lover looks sexy. I can see her pierced nipples through her little tank. She’s 46, but has the physique and spirit of a much younger woman. Unfortunately, her hormones don’t match up and menopause is rearing its ugly head, battling my own high sex drive. I throw some verbal flirtations her way and follow up with kisses on her neck and chest, hoping the morning might replace channel surfing with some body surfing. I’m met with a tender turndown sealed with complaints of bloating, cramps, and a hot flash to round it out. 

Most comments on New York Magazine are pitying — “I must say that I feel a bit sad for her. This woman needs more sex, love and affection – Woman, will you please communicate this to your Lover?” — and some are gross (“why not just have sex with a dude”) and some are weird (“If you live in Long Island City you are stupid and I hate you.”).

After trying to think really hard about whether or not I know this girl and coming to terms with the unnecessarily elevated and flowery language the diarist employs, my number one feeling about this diary was that it made me think of this Stephen Dunn poem “After Making Love.” It’s perhaps unfair to Stephen Dunn to mention him within the context of a New York Magazine Sex Diary, but whatever — that’s what poets are for, I think, they take our crude poorly-expressed stupid flowery melodramatic feelings and make them sound like, well, poetry.

After Making Love

No one should ask the other
“What were you thinking?”

No one, that is,
who doesn’t want to hear about the past

and its inhabitants,
or the strange loneliness of the present

filled, even as it may be, with pleasure,
or those snapshots

of the future, different heads
on different bodies.

Some people actually desire honesty.
They must never have broken

into their own solitary houses
after having misplaced the key,

never seen with an intruder’s eyes
what is theirs.

 – Stephen Dunn, from Loosestrife

What did you think?

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Riese

Riese is the 43-year-old Co-Founder of Autostraddle.com as well as an award-winning writer, video-maker, LGBTQ+ Marketing consultant and aspiring cyber-performance artist who grew up in Michigan, lost her mind in New York and now lives in Los Angeles. Her work has appeared in nine books, magazines including Marie Claire and Curve, and all over the web including Nylon, Queerty, Nerve, Bitch, Emily Books and Jezebel. She had a very popular personal blog once upon a time, and then she recapped The L Word, and then she had the idea to make this place, and now here we all are! In 2016, she was nominated for a GLAAD Award for Outstanding Digital Journalism. She's Jewish and has a cute dog named Carol. Follow her on twitter and instagram.

Riese has written 3267 articles for us.

14 Comments

  3. I don’t really like NYM’s Sex Diaries.
    I do really like how you turned this into a Stephen Dunn post.

  4. did anyone else read the Sex Diaries book? something of a dearth of queer women, but still a pretty mind-expanding read for anyone considering non-monogamy. or anyone considering how the fuck to make a relationship work in general

    • i considered the sex diaries book, but i feel like i’ve already read all the queer ones 50 times each

  5. “I stay up and watch mediocre lesbian porn on Pornhub.com and get off in less than ten minutes.”
    Yup.
    Also, this was way better than “The Single Bicoastal Lesbian Smoking Lots of Weed With Two Gal Pals.”

  6. Actually, I felt a little bit enlightened after reading the diary. So, sue me, I’m super inexperienced…but it was a nice reminder that sometimes our partners go through tough times, and we have to be patient with them, and kind. The sex slowed with a previous gf of mine and that feeling when she doesn’t want the favor returned…it’s so unsatisfying. It’s nice to here it echoed by another woman, no matter how she explained it. I wasn’t nearly as kind ><

    Also, it helps me come to terms with jealousy better, because it's a reminder that people do fantasize about exes and do have crushes and these things are all normal and don't diminish your love for the person you come home to.

    So, kinda sad, but I have faith things will pick back up for them :)

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