The Dirty Truth About Bisexuals, A Case Study

Inspired by the research of Alfred Kinsey and the numerous misconceptions about bisexuality within the queer community, I set out last month to do some anthropological research of my own — speaking to bisexual women in their natural habitats all around New York City. I spoke to women at the Bisexual Resource Center, at various nightclubs, on film sets and on college campuses.

The first challenge I faced in my research was tracking down actual bisexual women, when so many of them identify as lesbians. On the other hand, I also found many women identifying as bisexual despite recalling heterosexual sexual activities as “not my idea,” “gross,” and “worse than eating GMO soy.” They claimed to have read on the internet that they’d been marked for life by formative heterosexual encounters, much like how cows are branded.

Becky, 26: “Care about some lesbian’s feelings? Never!”

While surveying my entire body of research, however, I quickly learned that these misleading self-identifications were just part of a larger pattern — if these ladies had one thing in common, it was an overall inability to make sense. At least half of the subjects were visibly intoxicated during our interview and many confessed to being drug addicts, compulsive masturbators, generally stupid and/or enthusiastic online shoppers. Many of them also seemed prone to irrational, destructive behavior which rendered them totally incapable of sustaining a healthy relationship with a partner of any gender.

Jill, 23, refused to be photographed without her boyfriend: “He doesn’t trust me, because I’ve cheated on him 86 times.”

Eleanor, a 47-year old divorcee who summers in Tibet, even confessed to poisoning another woman for “contributing to bisexual erasure by identifying as ‘pansexual.'” The funniest part of that story was that I’d already heard it — the woman she poisoned dated a lesbian friend of mine who now hates bisexuals with evangelical zeal, sort of how I feel about Nazis, because of the Holocaust.

Natalie, 19: “I just like attention. Like from anyone, anywhere”

“Don’t you feel like you gave bisexuals a bad name?” I said to Eleanor.

“Oh,” she explained, laughing. “I don’t care about other people.”

sarah-jane, 18, fashion blogger: “girls are so soft! but i just love cock.”

“Only I know what I am,” said Leslie, a 36-year-old performance artist who lives in the Lower East Side with her husband in a building that smelled like crack-cocaine. “You do you, you know?” She also claimed that she’d “queered the space,” but refused to explain what exactly she meant by that.

Gina, a 23-year-old barista who lives with her boyfriend in Bronxville (due to its proximity to Sarah Lawrence College, where Gina’s female lover is a sophomore), admitted she’d never actually date a girl, she just likes kissing them. “My boyfriend thinks it’s hot,” she laughed. “Like he thinks it’s hot that I’m bisexual. Isn’t that so progressive?”

john, 22, only dates bisexual women, often two or three at a time: “Same-sex is sexy, what can I say? I’m just one of those ‘new males’.”

Jenny, a 24-year-old college sophomore (“I just couldn’t pick a major,” she told me, in reference to her sixth consecutive year of education at The New School), drank an entire bottle of Boone’s Farm during our conversation, and then proceeded to remove her clothing, lie down on her filthy floor and beg me to take body shots off her armpits. “All of my body parts are erogenous zones!” she exclaimed.

Jenny’s fancy-free sexual attitude was not uncommon. Throughout my conversations with about 100 bisexual women (including those who identified as “lesbians”), I was sexually propositioned 46 times. Twice interviews were interrupted by the subject’s need to masturbate due to an  insatiable sex drive. In general, these women were especially interested in sex, threesomes and being “chic.”

jamie and jessie, 16 and 16 and a half, make out “for fun”

Three women actually had already gone back to being straight by the time the interview was over, and six had begun identifying as lesbians. “I realized I was a lesbian,” explained Sasha, a 22-year-old graduate student, claiming that her epiphany had come after writing a 25-page seminar paper on representations of female sexual agency in Buffy the Vampire Slayer.  I asked her if she thought that meant all bisexuals would eventually become lesbians. “No,” she said. “I’m just speaking for myself, about my own experience.”

Molly, a 27-year-old music teacher from Queens, also took the rare and radical approach of actually marrying a woman and speaking intelligently about her experiences with straight privilege while in straight relationships, about her love for her wife, and about her desire to work with underprivileged children in foreign countries. She also made me a fantastic grilled cheese sandwich, but I ultimately found her maturity and self-awareness horribly uninteresting, and immediately fled their apartment for an orgy I’d been invited to by an earlier interview subject.

janelle, 23, hasn’t told helen that she’d never actually marry a woman.

I wondered if the girls felt slighted by a lack of positive representation in the media, but most of them reported no such lack and in fact felt there were plenty of “heroines” in the bisexual world. “When Tila Tequila stood in front of all those people in a bikini and came out as a bisexual — that was so brave,” said Mandy Anthony, a 25-year-old sex blogger.

Asha (pictured below) identifies as a “sweeps bisexual.” When I told her that “sweeps bisexual” was not a sexual orientation, but rather a term used within the television business to describe throwaway bisexual storylines implemented simply to up ratings during ‘sweeps week’, she said, “Exactly!”

Asha, 18 or 19, can’t remember who she slept with last night

In conclusion, I found that in general, bisexual women are incapable of making decisions, wearing underpants or respecting anybody else’s feelings besides themselves. Most saw lesbian relationships as fleeting distractions to tide them over until finding a nice man to marry. Sure, there were a few smart mature bisexuals who understood stuff like this and had no bias against relationships with women, but they hardly represent the whole.

On the last night of my research, several bisexual women planned a “surprise party” for me which involved rolling around naked in a giant vat of tapioca pudding while their boyfriends did Jager shots off the asses of crying, heartbroken lesbians. I must admit that it was super fun!

Before you go! Autostraddle runs on the reader support of our AF+ Members. If this article meant something to you today — if it informed you or made you smile or feel seen, will you consider joining AF and supporting the people who make this queer media site possible?

Join AF+!
Related:

intern veronica

no lies, just love

veronica has written 12 articles for us.

312 Comments

  7. you guys my equivalent of april fools is on december and i’m hungover but i scrolled down and that chart helped. have a good day everyone. i think i’m going back to bed.

  9. The author of this piece concludes, ” bisexual women are incapable of making decisions, wearing underpants or respecting anybody else’s feelings besides themselves.”

    Did she bother to talk to actual bisexual women or did she limit the conversation to the bi-phobic cliches inside her head?

    This is one of the most disappointing pieces I’ve ever read and it makes me reconsider if I’ll ever visit Autostraddle again.

    • Just because I couldn’t bear the thought of Autostraddle losing a reader for no reason…

      April fools.

      • Yeah, I didn’t read this till April 2nd and was highly offended. Thanks for clearing up that it was an April Fools joke, I feel relieved and will possibly be back now.

        • It also is just good satire, I think. Pokes fun at a lot of how bi-sexuals are looked at in lesbian communities, assumptions people make about bi-sexuals, and just some good self-parody of academic queer culture. Makes people think, I hope.

    • Yes! I completely agree. I think that since everyone knows you can’t trust bisexuals, the interview subjects were poorly chosen; a far better choice would be to interview lesbians or straight people about bisexuals. That kind of non-professionalism really made me doubt the author’s judgement.

      I also object to this idea that we’re incapable of “respecting other people’s feelings”? I know for a fact that other people don’t have feelings. You need to fact check before you publish anything!

    • I can’t decide if you are incapable of detecting humor or if this is the funniest comment on the whole thread.

    • She said there were mature, unbiased, sensible, honest bisexuals but that the majority were instead assholes… this article is awesomely true. Though i wish she would’ve spoken more about douche bag pervy guys who think its all just a game for their cocks to cheer on… they piss me the fuck off!

  10. Sad how familiar this article is… I love you, Autostraddle.

    -yet another indecisive, gender-binary, greedy, dirty, slutty bisexual

  12. Okay this is probably funniest stuff I read today! And wait, I’m going to pour a drink, watch this thread, and see how many people don’t get the joke.

  13. Since the International Lesbian Comittee just decreed bisexuals are slutty horny people…..Are you joining me for a make out session?

  14. Oh, that was awesome. As a bi woman, I should add that I typed this while having a threesome (with two guys, of course…later, I will have one with both my boyfriend and girlfriend).

  17. I’m going to have to request the contact information for these interview subjects. For research.

  20. This an okay april fool but didn’t find it that funny… I understand that it’s objective was to be ironic, but I just didn’t think it was very well executed. Like I felt your tone was kind of superior, but in quite a self conscious and unintentional way.

    • Perhaps the more familiar one is with the “bisexual debate” that errupts in the comments threads time and time again, the funnier this article is. In light of the recent trolling on Laneia’s article about leaving a man, I thought this article’s humor was spot on!

      • I may need to take issue with your reference to “bisexual debate” as a “real lesbian..So much so that I may need to start my own flame war…Or at least I would if I didn’t need to run out for more whiskey

  21. I’m sort of disappointed in myself for being so gullible. I read the whole article with clenched fists and was about to go for a ~strongly worded comment~ when I saw the tags..

    • me too….. and the sad thing is, I’d just been april fooled by someone minutes before reading this…

  22. My reactions while reading this article: thinking “hmm this looks interesting”, eyes widening in offense, finally getting it, and then sitting back to enjoy the April fool’s joke. Brilliant.

  23. I have to admit that I got halfway through the third paragraph with a “wtf!” expression on my face before I remembered what day it is. You win all the troll awards, Autostraddle. XD

  24. I had to go back and read the stock photos and accompanying captions again. Thanks for the laughs ladies!

  26. I was TOTALLY FALLING FOR IT until I got to the picture of the girl who refused to be photographed without her boyfriend. I totally bought the sentence “At least half of the subjects were visibly intoxicated during our interview and many confessed to being drug addicts, compulsive masturbators, generally stupid and/or enthusiastic online shoppers,” because I am a bit of a lush and have an online shopping problem.

  29. I knew it was only a matter of time before someone found out the true about us so-called “bi”-sexuals.

  30. I identify as a bisexual and this article made me reconsider whether i was a bisexual… but then i was like: “wait a second, isn’t this article doing EXACTLY that?”.
    If this is bringing me, even for just one second, to reconsider my sexuality because i so obviously don’t fit in the bisexual stereotype then there’s something wrong. I am a bisexual and love girls just as much as guys, and yes i like not to have my clothes on, but who doesn’t? There’s nothing about being a bisexual that makes you more inconsiderate in any way. You just feel attracted to character rather than gender and that does not necessarily mean you sleep with whatever moves, it in fact means you sleep with what you feel a connection with, and unfortunately sometimes that reduces your options by a whole lot.

  31. Hard-hitting science. Thorough research. This is how you do it. Bisexuals can now know who they really are: dirty, stinky, attractive looking people who throw enticing soap-bubble filled parties…for the devil.

  32. “…drank an entire bottle of Boone’s Farm during our conversation, and then proceeded to remove her clothing, lie down on her filthy floor and beg me to take body shots off her armpits. “All of my body parts are erogenous zones!” she exclaimed.”

    Write like this every day. Incredible. The accuracy of this made-up irony planet is inspiring.

  34. At first I was thinking, is this like the study that Northwestern U did last year to prove that bisexual men actually exist? And then I clicked and I was like OH, OK NOT REALLY.

      • Yeah! Though Northwestern’s studies seem like a total flop compared to this. AS did their research right… just sayin.

  35. Dear trolls,

    Please troll the shit out of this article so that I don’t have to deal with your trolliness elsewhere.

    Love,
    Lemon

      • What would potentially happen if THIS got linked on LChat? Not that I’m going to do it, obviously, but it could be hilarious.

        • It did. I don’t really think most posters there are gonna come post here. Might have out-trolled the trolls. XD I know lots of posters there read this site lots (and maybe vice-versa? Dunno).

          Anyhoo, I thought it was funny.

  37. HOW CAN YOU POST THIS FILTH. I am MORALLY OFFENDED and you should be ASHAMED of yourselves.

    There is NOTHING WRONG with being an online shopper, and as an online shopper myself I STRENUOUSLY OBJECT to being lumped into the same category as dirty bisexuals. GOODBYE.

      • You can call yourself whatever you like, but REAL online shoppers are people who know how to make up their minds. It’s people like you, buying frilly dresses and then sending them back because you’ve decided you’d rather have a pair of baggy camo shorts, that drive up shipping costs and give the rest of us a bad name! So don’t go trying to join my Select Savers Discount Coupon Club, because I do not associate with people like you.

  38. the thing about bisexuals is that they have too much time on their hands. that’s why i don’t identify as a bi, despite clearly being one — i just don’t have enough time to sleep with that many people. when you have kids, you have to finally pick one, you know?

    • I love this.

      On a serious note I was chatting to my mate the other day.

      She said: I don’t really have sex with people I don’t know well anymore

      I said: That’s awful, why not!?! People are great. I would.

      She said: You don’t have a daughter

      I said: Thank goodness…

    • Bisexuality is just like being a Trekkie or a Civil War Reenactor. When you love a hobby enough you MAKE the time for it.

    • I don’t have any kids of my own, but between student teaching, roller derby, drinking, online shopping, and general slutting, something had to go, y’know? It’s frankly just easier to be a “bisexual” lesbian. I don’t have to worry about finding a “real” one, I just look for the girls who are engaging in some sloppy makeouts for the bros at the bar, and BAM. That night’s fling is taken care of.

        • And 50% sluttitude!

          Wait, that doesn’t add up? Whatever, it’s not like us bisexuals have any time away from screwing and getting wasted to figure out how to do math!

  39. As a bisexual, I am deeply offended by this article. I mean, the breeders discriminate and now I come to a website where I think I’ll be accepted and I find this trash. I usually enjoy the articles on Autostraddle, but this one went too far. How is this crap supposed to help those who are struggling to come to terms with their sexuality?

    Being a drunk, compulsive shopper who is not ashamed of enjoying the pleasures of going commando has nothing to do with my sexuality. Don’t judge me because I want to be the meat in a Vin Diesel, Rachel Maddow sandwich. Don’t you dare judge me! I’ll be in my bunk. *flounces*

      • As a third bisexual, I wanna add that I think John is kinda cute (ya know, obsession with men, etc.), and, according to the mouse-over text, he is also genderqueer. ^_^

      • You’re not thinking bisexually enough, Rose. Sure Vin has some annoying qualities, but you won’t be around long enough for those to matter. We just use people for the drugs, bottle service, and apartment/condo/yacht/moonbase they can provide for the one night we stay.

        Besides as he is an avid D&D player this could be one of the few chances to use the pick up line: “Hey, I bet you’ve got a nice +1 mace there, but what do you say we snag up Rachel and see if it’s ready to be forged into a +2 heavy hammer?”

        • @ Kierbuu: I didn’t know he was a D&D player!

          I just got a little turned on by that pick-up line. Well played. Well played, indeed.

          You’re right, though, he wouldn’t be around long enough to annoy. Hit it and quit it. It’s Rachel I would want to cuddle with afterward.

          I apologize if I have just offended someone with that imagery

        • Eh, I guess I’m just not into the Muscles McGee types. I’m more into shy nerds when it comes to boys. Simon Tam from Firefly is my dream man. It’s too bad his actor is gay…no wait, true bisexuals don’t let minor details like that stop us!

      • I’m gay, but kind of in love with Vin Diesel’s badassedness. Shit, does that make me a dirty slutty bisexual???

    • I was expecting this to be a real indignant post and was halfway through taking a shot until the last part.

      *puts down her glass of milk*

  40. After getting out of my booze and genitalia-filled haze, I decided I just can’t make up my mind about whether or not this is a funny April fools joke. Maybe I’ll make out with it in front of my boyfriend and see what he thinks. The attention will be, like, super hot!

  42. I didn’t think it was super funny, but it’s quite hard to pull something like this off! You might want to write APRIL FOOLS at the end for future people who come on to this site.

    • i think we did better last year, but we really tried our hardest, seriously, even if it didn’t turn out perfectly. we tried! this is actually really strange, the last two years people barely noticed our april fools articles, or even when we turned our whole website to comic sans WITH A GIANT RAINBOW ON THE FRONT PAGE!

      like i didn’t think this would get all these tweets and facebook likes, usually these posts are about as popular as posts about the editor’s birthdays — like stuff that only a limited number of people care about. so i guess it wasn’t really adequately vetted for perfection in the way it would’ve been if we’d known how many hits it was gonna get.

      but we’re so much bigger than last year, i keep not really realizing that.

  43. yooouuu guys, I obvs mixed up the dates! yes, I am that stupid.
    when I posted all this small-minded, intolerant and hateful shit the other day I was totes going for april fools there
    so sorry!!!

    • I’m really confused on whether or no to believe you. I’m a really optimistic person so I’m gonna say yes, which means there was only ONE troll out of 264 responses!

      • dude, I was talking to Miss Anon earlier on gchat. same mistake there! yes,we are apparently both that stupid. so no trolls at all. hoo-fucking-ray

  47. “”Only I know what I am,” said Leslie, a 36-year-old performance artist who lives in the Lower East Side with her husband in a building that smelled like crack-cocaine.”

    This was completely perfect.

  52. eek. don’t think smart, confident, non-PC, funny, queer women came across on this one, autostraddle. seemed to fall somewhere short of a lesbian version of mean girl characters who hadn’t gone to their therapists/gender and sexuality classes in too long/ever trying to write a satire. better luck next year!

    • Oh my gosh Chris. YES. Thankyou! This was soooo not clever or confident, and it just oooozed PC-ness. And it was not even funny at all. I mean, I practically yawned the whole way through. If I wanted to read about my life as a bisexual woman, well, I’d just write an autobiography. Sadly I’m too busy masturbating while doing body shots off some random girls arm pits as my boyfriend (read ‘only viable marriage partner’) watches on.

  53. “Three women actually had already gone back to being straight by the time the interview was over, and six had begun identifying as lesbians. “I realized I was a lesbian,” explained Sasha, a 22-year-old graduate student, claiming that her epiphany had come after writing a 25-page seminar paper on representations of female sexual agency in Buffy the Vampire Slayer.”

    This is up there with Reddit’s Timeline in terms of greatness.

  55. SARAH-JANE, 18, FASHION BLOGGER: “GIRLS ARE SO SOFT! BUT I JUST LOVE COCK.”
    is when i started laughing so hard i couldn’t finish reading for five minutes.

  57. Autostraddle, I can’t believe you’d post this rubbish. I am morally offended. I’ve been one of your staunch supporters ever since I’ve known double rainbows did exist, and to be honest, sadly, I’ve had to look away and cross my fingers everytime I see the Bi-word being mentioned in your website. So goodbye, Autostraddle, I will forever cherish our happy, sexy, times, though they regrettably will linger forever in the past.

    Forever yours, until the midnight of April 1,
    Outoftehshower

  60. “but I ultimately found her maturity and self-awareness horribly uninteresting, and immediately fled their apartment for an orgie I’d been invited to by an earlier interview subject.”

    I can’t believe that I got to this point before realising it was an April Fools joke… to be fair, it was 7am on Monday morning when I read this, so not only was I half awake, but April Fools Day was officially over for me at this point…

  61. Wait though. The not wearing underpants myth is obviously debunked by half of the pictures.

    But everything else seems totally legit.

  62. I broke off my extended makeout session with everyone in the general vicinity to read this article, but stopped halfway through to go masturbate. Which made me lose my bottle of whiskey, so THANKS AUTOSTRADDLE. never coming back here again, ~sheesh~

  63. “Don’t you feel like you gave bisexuals a bad name?” I said to Eleanor.

    “Oh,” she explained, laughing. “I don’t care about other people.”

    Bahahah – this is gonna be my new response when people try to get into debates over identity politics with me. Or try to make me justify my actions, ever.

  64. I’m kinda addicted to getting my heart broken, so I’m super turned on by the chick who said she’d never actually marry a woman. Hey girl, how YOU doin?

  65. This may very well be the best article on Autostraddle thus far. Nothing but love. I clearly have to go find me some slutty bisexuals. I don’t have whiskey though, will copious amounts of wine work for bait?

    • I’m pretty sure that anything which comes in any bottle that is even remotely phallic shaped will work.

          • if I had a dollar for every time I’d swooned at one of your comments on this thread, I might actually be able to afford whiskey. And good whiskey at that :)

          • Oh dizzy..You don’t need any money..You only need to remember that I am where the whiskey comes from..And it will always flow freely for you..*swoon*

          • @digger I want you to know I’m reading that in light of another comment you made on this post about where the whiskey (bottle) comes from. And I am 100% good with that.

          • I went wine tasting on Saturday and now have 7 full bottles of wine and only me alone in this big apartment. Bisexual orgy wine party, please? Digger, you can come too. With whiskey. I like your gun. Dizzy, I mostly love you for the kittens.

            Every bisexual on this thread is now invited to an AWESOME wine party in rural southwest Virginia. It’ll be a blast.

  66. I can’t believe you had enough time to publish this disgusting piece of filth but not enough time to publish something funny for April Fool’s day. Clearly no one at Autostraddle cares about readers.

  68. Thanks for yet another tired, cliched, and overwhelmingly stereotyped portrayal of bisexual women. Like we don’t get enough flak in the media. The perpetuation of misguided and harmful stereotypes like those found within this article keeps LGBT members fighting amongst ourselves rather than supporting each-other in our shared goals of acceptance and equality. I expected better from you, autostraddle.

  69. I wish I had a witty comment like the rest of you do, but I’ve been kind of busy making out with five girls at once while listening to Nicki Minaj. Ah, well, at least no one’s wearing underwear.

  70. I feel like if you were dating a bi-girl and you showed her this article… she would either make out with you or slap you… that would be a way of rooting out who’s girlfriend material?

    I can understand how someone wouldn’t find this fun if they weren’t really accustomed to “the scene”, and irony… Those poor people who don’t get sarcasm… or skim read…

    It’s also quite possible that the bisexual readers aren’t seeing the irony because they are too busy engaged in hedonistic activities/trying to ruin things for lesbians.

  71. I think its hilarious, and I should HOPE that everyone posting here would know that Autostraddle would not post something deliberately denigrating ANY Queer woman group. The site says “girl-on-girl culture,” not “Exclusively Kinsey 6 lesbians.”

    The only sad part is that there are many lesbians who do believe all of this and more. However, there is little that can be done besides educating them.

        • I’m thinking that all the “real lesbians” should have a Gold Star tattooed on their forehead so they can easily recognize one another..They can call themselves “Lesbian Sneeches”

          • who needs a gold star to 1) be identified as a lesbian (or “real lesbian” as you so cleverly put) or 2) want to be immersed in gay (non-bisexual) culture?
            try not to perpetuate the same crappy attitude that you say you have a problem with.

          • 1)Don’t think you have been following the waaaaay too many anti-bisexual threads/flame wars. Also, also,
            2)Digger is SO not the right target for your argument. She has been fighting the good fight on our behalf. So forgive me for getting defensive on hers!

          • Dammit, am I still allowed to read the theoretical content if I’m not a gold star?? Wait, is that why I can’t see anything?? Let me into the club, please?

          • Of course! I am not a technical gold star, either. It wasn’t exactly consensual, but it still happened.

        • Boo, you guys! As a Kinsey 6 lesbian, I don’t want to be shoved off on an “exclusive” website that’s just a way to ghetto all of us poor Gold Stars merely so you guys can HAVE ORGIES AND DRINK ALL THE WHISKEY WITHOUT US!

          I WANT DRUNK NAKED ANONYMOUS SEX, TOO! With bisexual ladies!

          So unfair. It’s discrimination.

          • Shh..There..There..Come sit next to me. You must be exhausted from carrying the weight of that Gold Star around everywhere. Here, drink from my flask while I remove your shirt so that you will enjoy this foot rub more comfortably..

  73. i love this story, i love these comments, I LOVE THIS SITE!!!

    all the lessthan-three’s for you.

  74. I know this is meant as a funny jokes comedy post thing for making the laughters* but I can’t help but feel really sad for Helen. She seems so happy, probably unaware of or in denial about Janelle’s noncommital disposition and general bisexual looseness. :(

  75. It took me until Jenny, a 24-year-old college sophomore,taking off her pants and begging for body shots off her armpits, to realize the joke. I’m so bad at April fools/ knowing what day it is.

  76. I think the defining moment in my life when I went from identifying as bisexual to identifying as a lesbian was the moment I stopped begging for body shots off my armpits.

    I’m speaking personally, though.

  77. I started to freak out for just a few seconds, before I realized it was April Fools Day.
    Worst seconds of my life.
    But THIS IS AMAZINGLY HILARIOUS :D

  78. I LOVE YOU GUYS. Best April Fool’s ever! Went on a lovely, long date with a lovely girl and then came back to read this masterpiece and laugh until my stomach started hurting! PERFECTION. :D

  79. APRIL FOOLS (thank god for this little bisexual) although I couldn’t help but cringe a few times whilst reading it, because I’ve actually heard a lot of that stuff said with complete seriousness and it kind of hits too close to home :S

  80. I know this is supposed to be an April Fool’s joke (although it took me a minute to realize that). But I didn’t find it funny, as much as I wanted to.

    • i think the joke takes a back seat to some personal passive aggressiveness, or just aggressiveness. it gives it a strange, ugly tone.

  81. as a dirty slutty bisexual, i must say, i find it humorous to be snarky about legitimate lesbian feelings surrounding us.

  82. I had this big, angry build-up while reading this article but when I realized it was an April Fools’ joke, there was a total release. That reminds me of something… but I can’t quite put my fingers on it?

  83. My biggest concern here is does everyone drink whiskey? What about volka and beer. They are much better. Volka for every serious comment and I should be drunk for a while.

    • I know what vodka is and love it dearly (alas have none), but what is volka?

      Also, these days I’m partial to wine. I think I’m far too stereotypically girly, but I blame it on the wine class I’m taking (my college rocks).

      • Damn my phone. I meant vodka. I don’t know how I typed it wrong.
        Wine classes sound expensive. I would rather just drink some vodka and call it a day.

      • If you don’t like beer, you’re clearly drinking the wrong beer.

        Out of this world beer: Lambic (type, not brand), from Belgium. It’s a basic beer, made from the usual barley/rye/etc, but it tastes like Jolly Ranchers/ melted popsicles. It’s amazing.

  84. I didn’t fall for this for one second, but I totally got all serious and lecture-y on a twitter from one of my superhero role play friends about the Wonder Woman debate over the new man-hating baby-killing Amazons (that storyline is actually real; my role-playing friends twitter was not).

    Man I looked like such a dork. Or rather, I made my role play character look like a dork. I guess that’s okay. As long as I didn’t look a fool.

    :)

  86. AHHH shit pass the whiskey as I totally took this for face value till I got to the comments.
    Does that say something about how un queer educated I am?

  87. Oh my gosh, why in the world did I ever come out as a Pansexual? We never have tapioca pudding wrestling matches. I feel so cheated. Where’s my orgy?

  90. Can we have an open thread soon? There was a comment here, made on the Sheryl Swoops thread from forever ago that I think could spark a discussion. I replied, but the thread is old and nobody is gonna read it. I think an open rant/vent/discuss thread might be in order.

  91. Sorry for the totes OT post in here, but it seemed like the most appropriate, current thread.

  92. humor fail. way to exacerbate the issues b/w lezzies and bis.
    good job, autostraddle.

    also- there’s too much truth to some of the points to be considered satirical.

  93. I feel like this is a hilarious April Fools joke-article for the lesbians, and just another reason to feel ashamed for the bisexuals. I get that it’s a joke and probably would have chucked a few times if I had known beforehand that it wasn’t serious, but think about how this would have gone over if it had been a white person interviewing and making stereotypical jokes about blacks on a mostly white-populated website.

    • i know. i don’t want to be the only humorless person around here, but some of the stuff was so close to home (that is, to things people call me) that i couldn’t distance myself enough to find it funny. i guess it wasn’t ridiculous enough, it was too real.

      • Agreed. I certainly understood it was a joke, but that didn’t mean it was funny. Maybe I would have laughed if I haven’t heard some of those jokes used as an attack against me…

      • Thank you. I feel like that too. I get that it’s supposed to be funny, but I don’t really find it funny. And I feel like I’m a stick-in-the-mud for not finding it funny. I already feel uncomfortable in the LGBT community (many people seem to be very judgmental to me, even the writers and posters on this site occasionally), and this doesn’t really help, especially on a site where people usually seem more supportive, even if you’re not as into “the scene” as they are. But that’s just my opinion, and I’m probably wrong anyway.

      • hank you. I feel like that too. I get that it’s supposed to be funny, but I don’t really find it funny. And I feel like I’m a stick-in-the-mud for not finding it funny. I already feel uncomfortable in the LGBT community (many people seem to be very judgmental to me, even the writers and posters on this site occasionally), and this doesn’t really help, especially on a site where people usually seem more supportive, even if you’re not as into “the scene” as they are. But that’s just my opinion, and I’m probably wrong anyway.

    • This article was not making fun of bisexual women. It’s making fun of all the things that people *say* about bisexual women especially during the flame-wars that happened on any post that hints at bisexuality. I do think that everything said here is very ridiculous, therefore pointing out how ridiculous people are when they say these things. It won’t be funny to everyone, but please don’t be offended. That’s not what they were going for. And no lesbian is going to look at this article and go “Ha! See I told ya!” I certainly didn’t.

      • “but think about how this would have gone over if it had been a white person interviewing and making stereotypical jokes about blacks on a mostly white-populated website.”

        *Sigh*

        • Not the same thing. Lesbians are just as, if not more than, oppressed as bisexuals. White people have an obvious privilege in this society that black people do not, nor will ever have. So the comparison falls flat, sorry.

          I can see how folks might be offended, if they didn’t know that Autostraddle is not an anti bi site. However, considering that a couple of the people who run it are bi themselves, there’s just no way this is offensive.

          • Just to make sure, I was quoting idk’s comment and messed up with the reply button GAH! I agree that’s why I had the “*sigh*” under the quoted comment because ugh…

          • LOL oh ok. I don’t post here enough to where I’ve gotten the hang of the commenting style. Sorry!

            At any rate, I am sorry that people feel bad over this post. Not being bi, I don’t have any right to say they SHOULDN’T be offended, because I know how much I despise the situation when straights say that we are sensitive,etc. You don’t live it, your opinion isn’t as valid.

            That being said though, I think all these lovely straddlers should know by now that the girls who run this place love ALL of us.

          • “Lesbians are just as, if not more than, oppressed as bisexuals.”

            I truly hope you understand someday how hurtful and divisive a statement this is, as well as the sentiment it supports. I’m sure you have all the right intentions, but that’s what makes it a heart-breaker. Especially when posted on a site like this.

          • How is it divisive? Its the truth. Comparing lesbians and bisexuals to black vs white is apples and oranges. It was an inaccurate, offensive failure of a comparison on so many levels.

          • I just thought of how excited for the London *Slutty* Olympics let’s hope there are tons of bisexual participants…doing a relay of bodyshots off of people :D

            “Relay bodyshots…” *thinks*

            This need to be an AS camp activity…bring the vodka!

  94. That’s a good point, Shannon. It’s not nearly the same, because bi-sexuals have straight privilege, while lesbians and gays do not have that.

    • yeah, on the other hand bisexuals get discrimination from both the hetero and homo world, as everyone wants us to fit into the simple black&white divisions that helps them shape their worlds. AND we don’t really have the comfort of a whole-welcoming, comforting community, like the lesbians do. but lets not start discussing who’s the more victim, alright? the point is actually that bis and lesbians face different discrimination.

      • Yes, different discrimination. I’m just not down with the black vs white comparison to lesbians vs bisexuals. Furthermore, bisexuals can take advantage of passing privilege, while we can’t. The whole comparison was just not in line with anything that makes sense IMO, and as someone who is both black and lesbian, I found it ignorant and offensive.

      • Lesbians are systemically oppressed. Bi-sexuals are not unless they are in a lesbian relationship, in which case they are, because lesbians are oppressed. On the other hand, bi-sexuals can easily get into a relationship with men and be in a relationship that is privileged and condoned in a homophobic society and also get married; lesbians cannot. Lesbians cannot systematically oppress bi-sexuals. Lesbians are keenly aware of this sort of oppression and straight privilege, but many bi-sexuals, from what I’ve seen, seem to deny that it even exists.

        I don’t think discrimination against bi-sexuals is either good or warranted, of course, but you’ve got to keep in mind that you have the kind of privilege in society that we don’t have.

        • Michelle, I don’t know you, but let’s be friends. Said much more eloquently than I ever could.

          • Consider it done! :-)

            And thank you; I think your posts are well-written and insightful.

          • What you are claiming is “straight privilege” is actually bisexual erasure. By “passing”, we are essentially rendered invisible. Your comments are both incorrect and offensive.

        • I don’t agree. A bisexual who looks like a lesbian to straight people faces just as much, if not more discrimination. Not only are straight people judging them, but then you get a lot of lesbians who think of bisexuals as pretty much all the jokes listed in the article above. I often find myself telling lesbians that I’m gay just to avoid jokes and girls who refuse to date bisexuals while only my close friends know that I am equally attracted to and interested in dating men.

  95. Whoops, that was to Shannon above. To add to that, obviously we shouldn’t be giving bi-sexuals a hard time or anything, but the whole “it’s like whites making fun of blacks” comparison is rather absurd and fails on several levels.

    • Definitely fails, and shows a certain offensive sense of ignorance of the different kinds of privilege in this society.

      • Okay, so I’m not white, and I’m bisexual, and I’m not ignorant… and I disagree with you. Sorry, but perhaps I’m not feeling so “humorous” about being relegated to that stereotype when one of my good friends just told me recently that there are “straight people, gay people, and freaks. Bisexuals are just morally ambiguous sexually and want to fool around.” She’s straight, mind you. So I asked my queer friends (lesbian and gay male) and received the information that bisexuals are not really welcome because of their sexual “ambiguity” so we can sort of see this post would not be that funny. Furthermore, I think it’s not cool to negate someone’s concerns about something like being “singled out” in a community that does quite regularly single out bisexuals. I can see the point of just saying, “I’m straight” or “I’m gay” just to keep the derisive comments out of a conversation, even if you can talk about Kinseyian scale, which, if he’s right, is a sliding scale that we develop as we age, and is not static, and that VERY FEW PEOPLE are technically 100% gay/straight or exactly in the middle.

        So, although I can sort of SEE the humor of it, I don’t think it’s all that funny. Seriously. No one here would be all that happy if there was a similar article about lesbian stereotypes.

        As for the black/white dynamic, there is some small value in that comparison for the sheer fact that this forum feels okay about talking like this about bisexuals, it is supported by the lesbian portion, and the bisexuals who are against it or angry are being ignored and even mocked. Might as well put “Lesbians Only” over the waterfountain, IMO.

        Icing on the cake for me is that I came to this forum looking to talk to others with similiar experiences and issues, so I saw this article being touted and read this first as my first article on here. Not encouraging, let me tell you.

  96. Wow, reading this NOT on April Fools Day leads to much confusion. Good thing I read the comments and then checked the date of the post. -_-

  97. really disappointed with the “bisexuals can pass” and “bisexuals have straight privilege” conversation. too tired to even argue. i think only bisexuals can speak on having straight privilege. the privilege is momentary, extremely limited, and comes with a lot more shit than you can know without experiencing it. “straight privilege” is also bisexual erasure, and makes us question our identity and feels shitty. especially when i know exactly how it feels to not have that privilege when i’m in a relationship with a woman, which many bisexuals do. saying that bisexuals can pass is basically saying that successful assimilation is awesome. assimilation is not awesome, and it leads to self-dislike, because if people are giving you positive feedback for “passing as straight”, you start having negative feelings for what you actually are, which is not straight.

    i was totally on board with the joke and thought it was hilarious until these types of comments started coming out. if bisexuals are offended, they’re allowed, and it’s really offensive to invalidate their feelings. if a bunch of lesbians think a joke about bisexuality is funny, and a bunch of bisexuals don’t, there is a dynamic happening. certainly not the same as a white-black dynamic, but a problematic dynamic nonetheless. disappointing.

  99. the entire time i was reading this, all i wanted to do was kick you in the head.

  100. wow, I’m actually really surprised that people who identify as open-minded and free would actually shun and judge the lifestyle choices of others after working so hard at not being discriminated against. I find this article offensive. I’m a 23 year old bisexual who falls in love with the individual. I don’t discriminate or have different standards for either sex, and i am in no way promiscuous. I have long committed relationships and don’t have sex for long periods of time if i don’t find someone who i care deeply for. I don’t use drugs and I choose only to drink maybe once a month, oh and I’m not crazy either. I also don’t have to touch myself mid-conversation and get worked up into a sexual frenzy while drinking tea. What I’m trying to say, is whoever these women are that you interviewed, is really quite bias, I’d wonder how you selected them… were they all found on sex/dating sites? Do you feel you only spoke about the shocking and self-destructive qualities of these women. On behalf of bisexual women everywhere who have a hard enough time not being able to identify as ‘GAY’ or ‘STRAIGHT'(which believe me is very difficult because everyone tells you you must choose and you feel the pressure yourself)- please don’t paint us all with the same brush. If the author is reading this, I’d really like to hear back from you.

    • oh this was a joke, my bad.. don’t i feel silly. Guess I should’ve read the comments first. :P

      still offensive though, just sayin’…

  101. Yeah, wow, it’s been ages since I read this article/commented but I just read through the comments and noticed someone claiming bisexuals enjoy heterosexual privilege.
    That’s bullshit. Bisexual erasure is NOT heterosexual privilege. Every time we ‘pass’ as straight, we feel invisible.
    We get prejudice from homosexuals as well as heterosexuals – in fact, more lesbians I know are prejudiced towards bisexuals than the straight people I know. It’s a serious mistake to assume that we get an easy ride.
    Considering we suffer prejudice from both the queer community and the hetero world, higher suicide rates and higher levels of alcohol/drug abuse than lesbians, denial of our sexuality (“bisexuals don’t exist”) and countless negative stereotypes (“bisexuals cheat” “bisexuals are sneaky”), it is both ignorant and offensive to assume that we have any kind of ‘privilege’ compared with lesbians.

    • Trans are in the same boat. We get called out or marginalized all the time by straights and other rainbow people. I mean seriously, I’m not a straight guy who is just confused, I’m a Transwoman who just so happens to really really really like girls (and some guys but I get really picky there).

  102. haha I actually do this is funny.. I got nervous reading the title and put my guard up initially, but once I read it I think it’s just funny. I didn’t even think it was a joke, but I wouldn’t be offended if it was. I identify as bisexual (though I do hate labels) and I’m not 100% secure in my sexuality, but even not being 100% secure in it I was not offended.. normally I do get kind of offended easily too. I mean, there are all sorts of funny movies/articles etc about straight people too.. like ‘how to lose a guy in 10 days..’ it’s not serious, it’s just silly. and honestly? i think some of it has def been true for me @ some point. I think maybe i can just laugh @ it whereas maybe someone who is not as secure might react otherwise? or perhaps someone who does not have as much support as i do, and purely needs encouragement right now? who knows. i don’t want to make any judgments here! i mean I could understand why someone might just not find it funny buttttt.. idk maybe that’s just me Xp

  103. Okay, so I kind of like guys if they’re cute and Asian, but I mostly like girls the best… Trans or cis gendered, it doesn’t really matter to me. So I end up thinking of my sexuality and romantic orientation as being separate. I find myself capable of falling in love with just about anybody except that I’m picky about guys, but I can only imagine myself having sex with women. Soooo… I guess I’m a Panromantic Lesbian?

  104. Pingback: A Case Study: The Dirty Truth About Bisexuals | Bisexual Women | All Women Are Bisexual

  105. I found this article in the archive and as a bisexual I was incensed! But then I realized it was an April Fools joke. Very well done.

Comments are closed.