THE REAL L WORD LOS ANGELES: Ilene Chaiken is always scheming new methods for milking the L Word franchise, from the now-defunct website OurChart to the now-derailed spinoff The Farm to the allegedly-in-progress The L Word Movie. This time she’s given up on writing and let the fans take over — by letting them star in the show! Showtime has greenlit nine episodes of The Real L Word: Los Angeles, from L Word creator Ilene Chaiken and reality producers Magical Elves (“Top Chef“). Autostraddle has heard exclusively that Magical Elves was in talks with Bravo until Ilene Chaiken swooped in and brought that baby over to Showtime, where the series is said to have franchise potential, a la “The Real Housewives.” 
The Real L Word: Los Angeles will follow six lesbians in Los Angeles as they go about their lives and if all goes well, “The Real L Word” will debut sometime next year.
Ilene Chaiken told the press, “Even though we concluded our sixth season of ‘The L Word‘ on Showtime this past March, I believe we are not nearly finished telling our ‘L Word‘ stories. Showtime has yet again come forward to continue with us this mission to entertain and enlighten and bring more ‘L’ to the world.”
Now we can see once and for all if these stories ever involve world-class tennis players degenerating and dying of cancer in three days (Dana Fairbanks), friends conspiring to murder the irritating self-centered writer girl (Jenny Schecter), pregnant transmen on testosterone, or if anyone in the real world actually talks/acts like Papi. Thoughts? Anyone wanna Gimme, Gimme Sugar?
Autostraddle’s Real L Word Comment Contest
We couldn’t help ourselves. This is a perfect reason to obsess over our feelings related to L Word. SO! Here’s the deal: comment on this post by finishing the sentence “On The Real L Word, there better be some goddamn….” or “On The Real L Word, there will be no ….” etc.
E.g.,”On The Real L Word, Jenny will step away from the railing,” or, “On The Real L Word, Angelica better get a goddamn babysitter,” or “On The Real L Word, there better be some big ol’ butch dykes hauling lumber and building sweatlodges.”
The best comment will win a new t-shirt from 410 BC’s Fall 2009 collection. As you may or may not know, 410 BC is Autostraddle’s favorite t-shirt company. Other 410 BC fans include Tegan & Sara, Uh Huh Her, and your Mom.
At The Michigan Womyn’s Music Festival, lesbians sing and dance! Take off your shirt, hold on to your pants! Hey look at your fridge, you should put things on it! Like some DIY Magnets, or a bonnet! Where should we go to see lots of gays? Provincetown, hey hey hey!
Where’s the Tuesday Televisionary? You’ll see it a little later today!
GRACE THE SPOT HAS A BIGGER & BRIGHTER SPOT: It’s September, a time for reinvention and rebirth — and Grace the Spot has re-emerged with a kickass new redesign, and even more of the witty lesbian content you know & love! Go check it out right now! Really, it’s a big day for lesbians, yeah? Just wait ’til the Relaunch party for Grace the Spot later this month … location and level of redonkulessness TBA!
PEREZ HILTON IS FAT, UGLY: One of the top ten reasons we’re offended by the existence of Coco Perez and won’t shop at The Gap until they cease sponsoring it (Riese: “As a former Gap Inc employee this is a BIG DEAL“) (if we ever go shopping again) is because we can’t believe gossip blogger Perez “Get it, SaMANtha Ronson? Because she’s a lesbian?” Hilton has the gal to demand a piece of the women’s market when he’s always been such an asshat to us. Jezebel asks: Everyone from Jezebel contributor Rich Juzwiak to GLAAD is taking Perez Hilton to task for calling Will.I.Am a “faggot” — and well they should. But where has this outrage been over the years that Perez has spent crudely slamming women? Why Does Perez Hilton Get A Pass On Misogyny?
WOMYNIZER: Do Women Self Sabotage at Work? NM, Let’s Fix Some Stuff – “I will share some resources and techniques that may help you in the work place.” (@jezebel)
TEEVEE: The British are Coming – The BBC is producing a new six-part teevee series centering around a group of lesbian and bisexual women. It’s called, wait for it, Lip Service.(@lesbilicious)
YA NOVELS: On “Shelf Discovery: The Teen Classics We Never Stopped Reading” (@newsday)
DEATH OF PRINT, SEXISM: Women’s Magazines Selling Poorly – Consumers can now get a wealth of style news and advice from any number of Web sites, blogs and TV programs. A further erosion of the fashion magazine editor’s dominance has come from lifestyle and celebrity magazines, which over the years have been busy rolling out their own fashion content. You know what this means: read more Autostraddle. (@jezebel)
#ALTERNATIVELIFESTYLEHAIRCUTS: Home Barbering Grows in Recession – The Wall Street Journal tells us what Interns KC Danger, X and Vashti already know: giving sometimes its just easier to cut your own hair. And as Riese & A;ex will tell you, it’s also easier to have A;ex’s Mom color & straighten your hair. (@wall street journal)
WOW JUST WOW: Chris Brown Being Articulate –Chris Brown goes on Larry King and reflects upon his February assault on Rihanna: “When I look at it now, it’s just like, wow, like, I can’t. When I look at the police reports, when I hear about the police reports, I just don’t know what to think. It’s like wow…It’s crazy…Wow.” (@huffington post)
LADY GAGA: Michael Bolton to be Gaga’s First Lady – Bolton and Gaga join forces for ‘Murder My Heart.’ So. Terrible/AWESOMEness in the making.(@mtv)
↓ HOW DO YOU LIKE US NOW? NOT MUCH: Somehow this shit keeps getting published, and on top of that we are expressly forbidden to re-print any piece of this piece by the piece itself, which I’ve honestly never seen before on any written newspaper/magazine article online. I guess they want to be sure to milk all the attention they will get for claiming that people are really against Prop 8 after all, like Valentino. With lots of quotes from Carrie Prejan and Maggie Gallagher: Carrie in Valentino Red (@the national review)
↑ Petition Demands Official Apology: A group of writers and scientists are demanding a posthumous apology from the British government to Alan Turing, a 1950s computer scientist who was prosecuted for his homosexuality and subsequently committed suicide. (@lez get real)
↓ Mary Cheney Donates to Anti-LGBT Candidate-Cheney’s politics don’t seem to match up with her lifestyle, as she just donated $1000 to Rep. Rob Portman, who voted against marriage equality.(@pam’s house blend)
↑ “Houston controller Annise Parker, who is a lesbian, enjoys a marginal lead among likely decided voters in the November mayoral election.” (@advocate)
↓ Westboro Is Touring with Adam Lambert and We Aren’t, Which is Sad: Members of the Westboro Baptist Church, known for hoisting homophobic signs at major events, seem to be following the [American Idol] tour. We believe they are waiting to see Simon Cowell in his tight black shirt. (@advocate)
↓ Tucker Carlson Defends Bowties, Not Gays (@queerty)
↑ Will Obama Follow Ted Kennedy’s Lead on Gay Rights? – Kennedy saw clearly the moral, social, legal and historical connections between the struggles to accord “equal protection of the laws” to African-Americans, women and gays. President Obama is well positioned to fulfill Kennedy’s dream of equal rights regardless of sexual orientation.”(@huffington post)
Auto-Straddler of the Day
from Intercaine Katrina: There are few things better than teenage angst from young feminists. Jezebel compiled a collection of their readers’ old journal entries. After you read these, petition Riese to show us her old livejournal entries.
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from Riese: A new series of personal essays about job loss, mental health, and the undying pursuit of art. At true/slant
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from Carly:
If you’ve got like $3,000 burning a hole in your pocket, why don’t you get some really sick custom shoes (for me)? Esquivel Shoes are beautiful handmade shoes made in LA and are all pretty much amazing. (@coolhunting)
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from Laneia:
These women rock harder than you/me — Elle’s 12 Greatest Female Electric Guitarists. I believe you and I have reached the point in our friendship where I confess my supernatural lust for Kelley Deal. Hold me?
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There really needs to be an Autostraddle comment contest for this “Real L Word” news.
I should add that my number one feeling is obvs: really, Papi?
good idea! now there is!! :-)
Pingback: Posts about Perez Hilton as of September 1, 2009 » The Daily Parr
oh kids. what a day in west hollywood.
so when will you be auditioning? if you need someone to practise your talking or laughing or living or eating with, just say the word.
My first reaction to The Real L Word thing was WTF. Seriously, let it go! My second thought was “I hate reality shows!” My third was “I don’t want to watch that – I already live that reality!” Eventually, I felt resigned to being steamrolled by the Chaiken Juggernaut. All those stages of grief took about 15 minutes.
Home barbering can be dangerous. I once convinced my girlfriend that I could give her a flat top without using the guard on the clippers. Turns out my hands shake. A lot. She had to wear a hat for weeks.
Grace the Spot looks fabulous! Run over there and check it out. Yeah, I write for the site but still…
I’m wordy today. It’s the sleep-deprivation.
on The Real L Word someone had better pull a FULL-ON JENNY and bury someone’s dog/suitcase/toaster in the backyard OR I’M NOT WATCHING!
On The Real L Word, there better be some goddamn fisting!
BAHAHAHAHAHAHA. Oh, and fuck Ilene Chaiken.
I am both utterly terrified & unabashedly titillated by this “realness” of the L worded persuasion. I am starting to think that Ilene Chaiken and George Bush are related. Like George Bush, Ilene thinks we should be delighted to be “mired in her masturbatory opus” in the words of the great Bette Porter. This is a TERRIBLE idea and by terrible I mean deliciously painful… like a mullet. You know telling your friend to get a mullet is cruel and unusual punishment, but you do it anyway because it provides you with hour after hour of comedic relief from your god-forsaken existence (not to mention photographic evidence were you to ever… I don’t know… need to blackmail the shit out of them). In other words… I’m going to go celebrate, and then cry, and then throw up. P.S. If you’re reading this, Ilene, I put on the lotion so please don’t spray me again.
On the Real L Word there will be no carnival flashbacks.
But then what would I fast forward??
nothing! the brilliance about pretending this show might be good is the thought that you might actually be able to sit through an hour of tv without want to poke your eyes out.
They should make it about Leisha Hailey’s real life. I would totally watch that.
on the real L word, flowers won’t sing while alice cries. and betty won’t sing at all.
On the real L word, Sounder eats Betty… then has to regurgitate her because he hates the taste of bullshit.
What does IFC have on Showtime that they keep her around after the Season 6 debacle.
An interrogation tape.
also why is showtime airing a reality series???
Ya I’m a little disappointed in Showtime for going the reality series route… all my fave shows are on it and this will just take a spot away from another potentially great show… in my opinion
On the Real L Word, latina women will be played by themselves and middle eastern/indian women will be themselves… I hope.
My mom has cut my hair my whole life, and I’ve never had a dye job done in a salon. Right now I’m probably one of the few people that wants to head towards a salon because my mom can’t cut my hair anymore and I’m afraid of what my friends and I will do with the clippers…
on the real L word, sounder 1 will have her revenge.
Hey Riese or “Team” — any info on your source for the exclusive? Someone who works at Bravo? Showtime?
On the REAL L word…Kit adds words to her vocabulary behind Ilene Chaiken’s back; Shane gets carpal tunnel (screwing duh); Carmen returns (without permission); Dana appears (it turns out being a PSA for breast cancer didn’t pay very well) with Mr. Piddles in hand who then elopes with Sounder; Alice plays a nasty trick on Ilene involving a whoopee cushion, a light beer & a bilingual ventriloquist and Mama Chaiken is pissssssssed
I don’t think they should call this The Real L Word. I’m guessing it will be nothing like the series unless they happen to cast 6 schizophrenic lesbians with a slight case of multiple personality disorder.
LOL @ that picture,too cute, ‘it’s not the way live.’ NO television is the way that anyone lives.
On the real L world, Shane all of a sudden has a new interest in medical procedures and goes back to school…while fucking lots of nurses/interns in the meantime.
Oh I hope that happens on Three Rivers, pLease
On The Real L World, everyone will make fun of The L World until it too ventures into the Vortex of the Chaik’s mind.
on the real L word, no one will have a soul patch.
“On The Real L Word, there will be no brain transplants.”
On The Real World, there better be no goddamn manatees.
Let’s get a bigger budget and bring in the killer whales!
Ahem. Of course I meant The Real L Word and not The Real World.
the real L world!
The Real L World…6 lesbians, picked to lick in a loft, to see what happens when people stop being polite and start getting real…naked.
On the Real L Word, underground poker-ring absentee mother socialite lesbians will have better lawyers.
But most importantly to me:
On the Real L Word, no one will be called “Baby Girl.” No one.
“baby girl”: no
“candyass nannyfucking motherfucker”: yes, please.
There will always be a special place in my heart for “nannyfuckin’motherfucker”.
Its amazing. I used it the other day when the situation warranted some better than ordinary swearing, and my non l word watching friend was kind of bemused. Was v satisfying.
On the Real L Word they won’t talk about the l word and have actual jobs to explain how they can afford any expensive clothing and other items
On the Real L Word, people will be their actually ethnicity. No middle eastern Mexicans…
But I Soooooooo love that particular “middle eastern Mexican”
On the Real L Word, no one will wear doilies. Or pirate shirts.
or shirts at all! everyone will be naked! woo!
On The Real L Word there will be no… ugly straight sister. I mean, kittisms.
On The Real L Word, there better be some goddamn “dana lives” shirts
[IMG]http://i30.tinypic.com/2m7eumw.jpg[/IMG]
On The Real L Word, the series ends much earlier than The Fake L Word because Ilene gets frustrated that she can’t control the characters enough.
LOL I’m so mean
On The Real L Word, Kate, Leisha, Camila, Clementine, Clea and Linda are cast. And the ratings surpass anything that’s ever been televised.
On The Real L Word, there better be some goddamn butches.
On the Real L Word somebody better still be living with their ex-girlfriend that they broke up with 8 months ago…and 6 months ago…
On The Real L Word, there better be some nanny-fuckin mother fuckers.
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….that didn’t make sense. I just wanted an excuse to say nanny-fuckin motherfucker.
oh no i just made this joke without realizing that you got to it first. que lastima.
on the real L word there will be lesbians who are not model thin
on the real L word people will have real shit jobs like the rest of us
The Real L Word, Los Angeles, will star the one and only Haviland Stillwell and all will be right with the world.
On The Real L Word, there better be some goddamn continuity.
On the real L Word, there will be some plot continuity because Ilene Chaiken can’t be god of the REAL WORLD.
Whoops…looks like Julia and I were thinking the same thing.
On The Real L Word there will be no apparations in the waterfalls.
On the Real L Word, there better be some goddamn REAL lesbians.
on the real L word, i hope there is a mormon who is seduced into a life of decadent west hollywood whoreishness and gets kicked out of BYU for it. also, i hope there is a bangin’ house and a hot tub.
On the Real L Word, there shall be no sperm-stealing lesbians!
on the real l word there will be blood…
on a lighter note, there better be people running off treadmills backwards from surprise/laughter
On the real L word..A Giant rainbow colour unicorn will fall from the sky and devour Betty and their motherfuckin’ theme tune (oh dear god please don’t let them write/sing the new theme) and Jenny will realise the manatees were actually LOLruses and sail far far away on one..
Let’s face it, the above scenario is actually more likely than 98.8% of the L word content.
OH DEAR LORD the prospect of another Betty theme song hadn’t crossed my mind until now!! Noooooo!
On “The Real L Word” Ilene Chaiken will refrain from smoking crack in all staff meetings.
On The Real L Word Ilene Chaiken will not be invited to staff meetings.
On “The Real L Word” Betty will explode in a splatter of off key voices, instruments and fugly.
on the real L world, showtime will put a secret clause in IFC’s contract saying that her involvement is purely symbolic and all creative control and veto power will go to angela robinson.
On the Real L Word, people’s personalities will not change every 6-10 episodes.
Well, hopefully not, at least. Then we’ll have to wonder who cast the schizo.
If the The Real L Word is to cast REAL lesbians, the show will be about six women getting together and talking endlessly about how The Fake L Word really sucked. Revenge!
bitching about the L word really is the way that we live.
Bah I feel I am so late on this! Lectures on where to go to talk about feelings at Barnard have infringed upon my Autostraddle viewing time!
I’m sure this has been said…On the Real L world, there will be no images of recently deceased tennis players in waterfalls.
On the real L word there better be some goddamn boobies.
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Also, on the real L word there will be no penis.
totally agree! No blow jobs in lesbo-land!
On the real L word there won’t be any toe nail clipping scenes.
On The Real L Word, there will be no one like Bette motherfucking Porter!
motherfucking agreed!
But I love Bette motherfucking Porter
On the real L word, they better have some fucking sippy cups.
haha brilliant!
On The Real L Word, if someone dies we want to know the killer.
On the Real L Word there will be NO Bette Mortherfucking Porter.
On the Real L Word everyone will go to work and not all meet in a cafe/bar/club and text their partner while sitting on the next fecking table to them!
*breathe*
On The Real L Word, there better be real lesbians having sex to the “Finally” song…
and there won’t be any stripteases interrupted by stupid phone calls.
On the real L word, Ilene Chaiken will be taken to a small and very clean “hotel” to live with white walls that are surprisingly cushy for declaring that she is the writer, creator, prodoucher, incubator, fairy-godmother, baby mama, legal guardian, & commander in chief of Showtime’s new life- changing, earth shattering, revolutionary, pioneering, landmark new super-hit reality series The Real Luny World: LA style
On the Real L Word, there better be more than one Goddamn person able to perform a computer search.
On The Real L Word Jenny will show up to push Ilene off the balcony..
On The Real L Word, LC and Heidi will be friends again.
On The Real L Word, there better be some table flippin!
On the Real L word, there’d better be some bois with toys *wink*
wow. on the Real L Word there better be a massive blackout so everyone can get it on while Freezepop plays.
On the Real L Word that better better be more than one damn place to eat
woopsie daisies… got a little tipsy there.. because that’s what we do in the Real L Word. Tina knows what I’m talking about… so does A;ex
On the Real L Word there had better be more than one damn place to eat
Good post! A lot of people I’ve spoken with have still never heard of this church and it’s activities.
Besides the obvious negativity that this group spreads, the saddest thing is the kids that are involved in this church. They may never get to actually choose their own spiritual path. They’ve been totally brainwashed by this twisted 2 dimensional version of Christianity.
I wrote something up about the church as well and threw up a couple videos of them and a picture of a toddler holding a sign that says “you will eat you babies”
Ridiculous…….
http://doodiepants.com/2009/05/31/westborobaptistchurch/
on the real l word there better be actual real ethnic diversity, not just stereotypical and wrongly cast shit (HEY I’M A CRAZY ASIAN GIRLFRIEND WITH A BAD ACCENT AND POOR ACTING SKILLS, I LIKE TO SCREAM A LOT CAN YOU TELL??)
on the real l word the lesbians will still be beautiful: even if it’s ‘reality’ it’s still tv.
(i’m on a roll, can’t stop)
on the real l word a cute bespectacled lesbian will rage about the unfairness of the world, only to have a fellow lesbian rather passively agree. then a bald man in charge of her reality show future will make write supportive comments on his blog.. oh wait.
Oh Ashley! how I love her for her glasses and her hair and how I love her even more for being pissed off about the discriminatory institution of marriage (but not the discriminatory practices of the U.S. military, wtf?) …sigh.
On The Real L Word, there better be some goddamn arson, ARSON!
On the Real L Word, there will be talking-laughing-loving-breathing-fighting-fucking-crying-drinking-writing-winning-losing-cheating-kissing-thinking-dreaming.
Also, people really need to stop giving Ilene Chaiken money. I mean, c’mon, people, it’s the 90’s.
there will be fucking (echo echo echo) …
Oh, and on the Real L Word, everything will be sponsored by OURCHART DOT COM, the social network based on the L Word. Do a computer search and check it out, you don’t know what you’re missing!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=W4Ln-3PFAC8
On The Real L World, there will be no baby showers during which pregnant men throw up. I guess.
The icing on the top of the lovely comment cake is the indifferent “I guess” at the end. Well played, Barbara.
(hopefully) On The Real L Word IFC will not have cylon lesbians. It will have real lesbians. (who are often nude)
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And The Lynch will comentate.
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And Ellen and Portia will kiss on camera. Cute.
The Real L word
episode one, scene one.
The camera pans in on a crazy looking lady the captions says, Ilene Chaiken, creator of the L word.
She speaks in a crazy voice: ” I am ready for my close up Mr. Showtime” Hahahahahahahah with an evil laugh
the camera pans to a dead body floating in the pool.
The end!
On The Real L Word, Mark is the cameraman.
On The Real L Word, there better be some viewing of a goddamn PODCAST!
(I’m srsly still waiting for it.)
on the Real L word, there will be no REally Papi Really t-shirts:(
ty for the tee
um, I said TEE!
my gravatar is not being cooperative. hrmmmph
Thanks for the shout!
On The Real L Word, Ilene Chaiken should be ousted from her position as executive producer and replaced with a group of LOLcats.
on the real L word, pregnant ladies won’t get banished to buddha camp
On The Real L Word Angelica can honk the horn
On The Real L Word the original cast of The L Word will push Ilene Chaiken and Betty into the pool.
Pingback: The Real L Word? Hurrah! The cult of complaining about Ilene Chaiken has returned!
On the Real L Word, nobody better make baby girl live in a tool shed.
Aye, because NOBODY puts Baby in a tool shed.
Guuurrl!
That’s right! You got it!
On the Real L Word, Shane goes to school on the internets
On the Real L Word, there will be holidays: Christmas, Thanksgiving, Valentines Day, the Fourth of July!
http://www.facebook.com/photo.php?pid=30372870&id=1328404719
Seriously, I love L Word. I was amazed at the bashing here. It is a pioneering show. Ilene Chaiken is a genius. If I lived in LA, I would love to be part of the Real L Word. It seriously gives our hetero brothers and sisters an insight into the lesbian lifestyle and for the lipstick lesbians some hope and support that there are others like us. Gals, admit it, you got hot and bothered when you saw Papi flirting and inviting a gorgeous gal into her limo. What is up with the Middle Eastern Mexican comment? Gee, I thought she was gorgeous and acted well. That goes for the other actresses that played Bette, Tina, Helena, etc. I thought the show rocked and was really sad to see it finished. For those who are upset about the lack of butches, trannies, etc. on the show, come on.. there were at least two: Max and that he-she that Bette’s sister fell for. There was a deaf gal on the show as well, and the actress who did Bette was multi racial. So, girls, gimme a break and holla for the Real L Word – kudos to Ilene Chaiken!
On the Real L World there will be Real Lesbians
on trlw there’d better be some really sweet girl dealing with an eating disorder/weight issue. because that is totally representative of our lesbian culture.
on trlw there should be a girl dealing with reconciling her faith/christian upbringing with the fact that she is a lesbian.
on trl there has to be a girl with a drinking problem. pleaaaase.
On the REAL L Word, there better be some goddamn …
REAL lesbians! How about lesbians that are Butch for a change, huh!? None of this “Shane-sorta-butch-type-of-butch-butches” or my screen full of Andros!
Not MY REAL Lesbian world. And if they gotta have someone ‘transition’, could we please have someone withot a Minnie Mouse voice and REALLY transition full blown? None of this testosterone-taking, slight hair-on-the-face, boob lopping going on with all the bottom plumbing being kept. P-U-LEEZE. That’s so not anything but a fashion statement. Show me some REAL balls by having a REAL transsexual, then maybe we could put a damper on this misogynist phase in our culture. Females would actually see the difficulty THAT process entails – nothing glamourous there.
Also, there are more lesbians who are bigger than size 8! SH-EEEE-IT! And SO many white girls! NO! Geez….The L Word was always a shade from the daily soaps but WHITER!!! yeech!
And why is it that so many L Word characters didn’t seem to deal with money issues? Especially in L.A. of all cities (w/the exception of NY). Most lesbians I know talk about money being an issue in their lives a lot if not daily, but the old L Word barely made mention of it. It was just a lesbo FRIENDS as if money came from the sky or something.
Get REAL with this one, Chaiken. You can get more honest and STIL make the caSh.
joey brite
oakland, ca.