7 Totally Reasonable Things I Could Purchase to Show That I’m Ready for Hillary

I’ve been ready for a lot of things in my lifetime — some I didn’t even understand. And, since her failed bid in 2007, I’ve been ready for Hillary. But even more importantly, I’ve been ready to raid the Ready for Hillary online store.

These are seven totally reasonable things I could purchase to show the world and even Hillary Rodham Clinton herself how ready I am for her second bid. Right?

7. Ready for Hillary Mason Jar, $20.16

In the words of Contributing Editor Kade:

pretty sure those mason jars are READY FOR HILLARY TO STOP BY MY HOUSE AND DRINK SOME WHISKEY LEMONADES ON THE PORCH WHILE WE LISTEN TO LAURA GIBSON AND TALK ABOUT LORRIE MOORE

RFHMasonJars

6. Ready for Hillary Tool Bag, $60.00

I’ve never considered myself a handy lesbian, but for Hillary I’d damn well give fixing something at least 60 minutes worth of a try. Why not do it in tried-and-true, durable style with this Ready for Hillary Tool Tote? Conspicuously missing: the Ready for Hillary tool belt, which would seriously complete my life.

tote_tool_H_logo_RS

5. Ready for Hillary Champagne Flutes, $40.00

I love brunch, and aside from the eggs and toast it’s totally because I love drinking out of a champagne flute in the morning. Flutes are also great for drinking strawberry cider in a bathtub, which I would know nothing about.

RFHChampagneGlasses_0

4. Ready for Hillary Dog Bowls, $30.00

Eli was born in 2008, which I believe means he was literally born ready for Hillary and probably just as devastated as me that it would take a good eight years before he’d ever have the chance to find out why. (Fingers crossed, anyway.) For her, he’d even be willing to own two completely identical bowls, making it harder for him to locate his water but a lot more self-righteous once he’s drinking it.

LuckyDogBowl

3. Ready for Hillary Solo Cups, $20.16

I had never been to the Ready for Hillary store until I saw an email from them containing an image of these beautiful tri-color Ready for Hillary solo cups. It was at that moment that I realized I was damn ready for her and also damn ready to bring back my pong career. Oh, also, it was the moment at which I realized the Ready for Hillary store is probably run by someone who knows me well enough to provide a product only I could possibly want to own.

RFHNeonSolosV2

2. Ready for Hillary Cocktail Napkins, $15.00

Never before has wiping up the coffee from my vanity or eating a single lady finger looked so good. Plus, these Ready for Hillary cocktail napkins are the perfect size to pack when she announces her candidacy and I quit my job to travel the nation as her #1 canvasser. But don’t quote me on that.

QuoteNapkins

1. #Ready for Hillary Poster, $20.16

The real genius behind this poster is that it communicates exactly what you’re ready for simply and concisely, which I’ve learned is a challenge. Plus, nobody will ever ask ready for what? when they’re looking at this, and that can be a really hard question to answer.

ReadyPoster

Obviously Autostraddle is not officially or unofficially endorsing Hillary Rodham Clinton for anything; she is not even a presidential candidate. We do think it’s funny that you can buy an engraved mason jar with her name on it, though. 

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Carmen

Carmen spent six years at Autostraddle, ultimately serving as Straddleverse Director, Feminism Editor and Social Media Co-Director. She is now the Consulting Digital Editor at Ms. and writes regularly for DAME, the Women’s Media Center, the National Women’s History Museum and other prominent feminist platforms; her work has also been published in print and online by outlets like BuzzFeed, Bitch, Bust, CityLab, ElixHER, Feministing, Feminist Formations, GirlBoss, GrokNation, MEL, Mic and SIGNS, and she is a co-founder of Argot Magazine. You can find Carmen on Twitter, Instagram and Tumblr or in the drive-thru line at the nearest In-N-Out.

Carmen has written 919 articles for us.

29 Comments

  1. i never thought all the things i wanted from life would be in one post but here we are, at last – an answer to what carmen expects me to be ready for.

  5. OH MY GOD I NEED THAT POSTER. If I had a job right now I’d totally get it. Might anyway…

  6. I have a “She Can Do It” T-shirt in the style of the old Rosie the Riveter posters with Hillary’s face from the 2008 Democratic Primary and I have been waiting for SO LONG to wear it again. And I really hope she gives me an opportunity.

  7. Can Autostraddle do an article called “Is Hillary ready for Hillary?”. I’ve seen her hype crew at Pride, at festivals, EVERYWHERE. I need help figuring out what in the world is going on. Is RFH an organization that is trying to convince Hillary to run? Hasn’t she said she’s not interested.

    Is this like when your friend is into a weird workout craze and they are like “You should totally Zumba-Yogalates-90X with me!” and you’re like “No, I’m just going to do the treadmill and then do random weight machines” but your friend keeps bringing it up?

    I need a mason jar of whiskey.

    • at first she was acting like that; now she’s winking and nudging and almost definitely running and just waiting to say anything, probably so no one can officially fight her yet, or some other political thing.

      but yeah if you watch her more recent interviews it becomes pretty apparent that she’s planning to run (also the book is a traditional pre-presidential-run move).

  8. i need the dog bowls, the mason jar, the tool bag (which is totally just a tote…like come on, i’m too cute to fix things, but i’ll totally carry my school things around in it), AND THAT POSTER.

    I am so ready for Hillary. SO. READY.

    I’m also really ready to see Bill Clinton as First Man because that’s gonna be a TREAT. Imagine it: Bill at libraries reading to children, wearing sweatpants and playing basketball with the “underprivileged youth” of DC, waving at crowds in parades…it’ll be just like his presidency, but better because he won’t actually be in charge of anything.

  9. I want to be on board, but I still have a really hard time with her Iraq War votes. I guess we’ll see what the other options are.

    • also for taking millions of lobbyist dollars and overseeing a state department that found keystone xl had no climate impact

      i’m ready for the #readyformelissaharrisperry or #readyforrachelmaddow merch

  10. I laughed out loud in line at the work cafe and confused everyone.

    Because this? This is just hilarious.

  11. I definitely just bought that poster.

    #Ready to hang that masterpiece by my desk so Hillary can watch over me as I write.

  14. I used to be so ready for Hillary, and re: the identity politics of it, I’m still totally on board. But that’s not enough anymore. It’s hard when she’s becoming increasingly just as corporate and middling as many self-described Republicans. Go back left, Hillary! Otherwise, for now, my loyalties are with one Elizabeth Warren.

    • word. it would be nice to have a woman president, but just being a woman isn’t enough to qualify her for my vote; it doesn’t cancel out her corporate moderate-ness.

  16. I have had some random merchandising brainstorming thoughts.

    Hand soap: with Hillary in her Dark Glasses looking hungover and trying to hide it.

    A Tea towel: anyone on a tea towel has reached Commonwealth (NZ, Australian, Canadian, Indian, and UK) proportions of infamy.

    Dark Glasses and coffee gift set with optional lithium and hip flask: for those classic Bill and Monica moments that arise. Hides crying betrayed eyes and masks current and future hangovers all in one.

  17. I need that poster. NEED. Screw it, ya ain’t American if you don’t have some credit card debt, right?

Comments are closed.