We do not know each other but I think about you every single day of my life. Not even on purpose or in any sort of overly obsessive way, I promise. Basically, you are everywhere and since I exist in this world and American pop culture is constantly on my radar, there is always at least one moment in the day when something related to you snaps into my consciousness. I don’t mind really; it’s not like I ever think “Goddammit, why am I picturing Beyoncé in a minidress?” or “Jeezus, can I just get a day where I don’t think about Beyoncé?” Yeah that never happens, mostly, it’s like this “Aww hey, B, good to see you, girl. Hope you’re doing well. See you tomorrow!” Yeah, welcome to my brain.
So anyway, B, there is one major thing you should know. I feel connected to your public and artistic persona for more than just the obvious reasons. All of the world can and does tell you how beautiful and talented you are. That’s just a duh. It probably doesn’t even faze you to hear that. Which I like totes get, girl.
if one more simple minded mofo tries to tell me I didn’t work hard for this cuz I’m pretty…
There’s way more to it for me than that. See here’s the thing, without even trying your image/persona/public existence has helped me become the awesomely queer chica I am today. Girl, I’m for serious. See, it was frightening for me to admit when I was a teenager that I found women attractive. I didn’t have the right words and none of my homegirls were speaking that type of language so I just kept it all to myself. Relating or connecting to out or “gay-looking” women may have exposed my secret, so I kept my interest in Melissa Etheridge and even Queen Latifah very close to my chest. This was before I ever read Audre Lorde or Alison Bechdel, heard Alix Olson spit or went to an Ani Difranco concert. This was before I could even admit to anything regarding the sexuality that made me feel so sick and out of sorts.
The Real Homegirls of Destiny’s Child.
image courtesy of fuckyeahbeyonceknowles.tumblr.com
B, you No, No, No, No, No’ed your way onto the music scene with Destiny’s Child and set something free inside of me. You were the first woman I was able to acknowledge my attraction to in public with non-queer friends and not care because see, you’re like the girl next door that everyone says is awesome. Your presence created this safe space for me to explore the nuances of same sex attraction. There was nothing weird about me rambling on to my friends in high school about how I loved your outfits, laugh, dance moves, attitude, sweetness, smile, hair and at the time, I just needed to not feel weird about something. The qualities I admired in you growing up are now qualities that I look for in the women I choose to entertain, pursue, befriend and fall in love with. They must be motivated, creative, driven, intelligent and beautiful powerhouses ready to take on the world with grace and a mega hit of badass. So in honor of the safe space you provided for me when I was a teenager. Here is a Top 7 list of my favorite moments of you.
7. The ‘Check On It’ Video
Holy Crap, can this one just be about how ridiculously sexy and beautiful and amazing you are? Like, seriously, you won me over for life with this one. One more word: Thighs.
6. “Get Me Bodied”
You showed up unannounced at PS 161 and danced with the school kids to ‘Get Me Bodied’. This school partnered with you, the NBA Education Foundation and WAT-AAH bottled water corp, to fight childhood obesity. Sorry but I don’t ever see J.Lo doing this type of shit. Bey loves the kids. Peep her surprise entrance at around the 1:30 mark.
5. Sexy Androgyny
Because sometimes you wear suits like me.
4. Independent Woman Love
You write other powerful women beautiful letters of love, like this one to Michelle Obama. Swoon, some all CAPS action and a power clap.
3. Humility is Beauty
Homegirl — cuz we’re cool like that — totally faceplants at a show in Orlando and gets right the fuck back up. That is LIFE.
2. Real Life Love
We worked together once! Well, I was a P.A. on one of your L’Oreal commercials in 2007 at Silver Cup Studios. I cleaned your bathroom but it was totally worth it because you were awesome. Also, you totally hugged and high fived me after the gig. #IAlmostDied
Can’t find that damn commercial anywhere BUT this interview with you about the gig/product is pretty much why #IAlmostDied
1. Survival
Because you were part of the composition and production of a song that to this days remains one of the best “You Do You” anthems in the world. Seriously, you scrapped the bitches that were holding you down, connected to your core homegirls and wrote a fucking song about it. How do you know my life, B?
So who were/are your “safe space” chicas? Tell me about them and why you loved them. ‘Cause I mean it’s totally ok to just swoon over ladies who aren’t queer while acknowledging why you do and then full on swooning over AS’s Top 100 Queer Women in all the land.
bonus reason to love Bey
Special Note: Autostraddle’s “First Person” personal essays do not necessarily reflect the ideals of Autostraddle or its editors, nor do any First Person writers intend to speak on behalf of anyone other than themselves. First Person writers are simply speaking honestly from their own hearts.
Quoting Alice in TLWS5E4 on [IF] Beyonce being gay: “A girl can dream!” YES INDEED!
Quoting the Pretty Little Liars in the pilot episode:
Hanna: Ali, did you download the new Beyonce?
Alison: Ugh, not yet.
Emily: I am loving her new video.
Alison: Maybe a little too much, Em.
Still one of my favorite scenes. “Maybe a little gay much, Em.”
Not a fan of Beyonce, but have always admired how she totally faceplanted in that show (#3), physically hurt herself, got up and kept going like nothing happened. Impressive.
I love Beyonce. She is listed as my religion on facebook. We are both from Houston. Her sister Solange is cool also. Did you see the picture they posted on Instagram for Solange’s birthday? Also, my favorite video of beyonce is the one Jay Z posted of her warming up for performance and her family was there and it was just amazing. Jay Z loves her so much. And he’s a rapper sorry to pass stereotypes on rappers but that man is so in love.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vd1bM4Qzqkw
video I was talking about ^^^^
omg i so saw the instagram pics haha maybe i do have a problem… is there a Beyonce Lovers Anonymous?
<3 Bey. My sorority always jokes that Beyonce is our patron goddess. We adore her collectively so much, that when our campus sing rolled around with the theme "evolution of an artist" we could think of only one diva to honor. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e-ciAZ_6Ctc
My other 'safe space' girl was Shakira, so when Beautiful Liar came out I overplayed that song like my life depended on it!
one: you are adorable.
two: GIRLS doing Synchronized moves to BEY! basically all the keys to my heart, you win all of the things in life.
thank you for sharing this hahaha. also, Jumpin’ Jumpin’ was that shit b.i.t.d.
In middle school I was able to obsessively ogle Shakira in her sexy music videos without it signaling to anyone – myself included – that it meant anything about my sexuality. In retrospect, it totally did.
Oh man, I did this too, except I was in high school and definitely not as aware and or conscious of my sexuality at that point in time. That Ojos Así video (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5BzkbSq7pww) was my favorite and Tu (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wTZ7A-h8yTs). I’m a fan of her older material as it’s a bit nostalgic for me.
Shakira and the Pussycat Dolls music videos were how I knew I was bi. Hot DAMN.
I appreciated the time and effort that went into this! I learned some things about Beyonce and deepened my respect. SHE IS SO TALENTED!
your appreciation is deeply noted and wholly loved.
my best friend works for terry richardson, she has met a million celebrities in the last few years and said that beyonce was hands-down the nicest person she’s ever encountered. GODDAMNIT I LOVE YOU BEYONCE.
Pretty much replace Beyonce with Gwen Stefani in the No Doubt days or Shirley Manson from Garbage and I have ALL THE SAME FEELINGS. Sigh.
Yes to both of those! Oh those push ups made an impression on me.
OH MY GOD YES Gwen in the 90’s <3 with the hair and the tube tops and the…ahhhh…
Haha, that last photo of Beyonce just gave her +5000 awesome points in my book.
Gwen Stefani was my safe space before I even knew what that meant or that it was something I needed/was seeking.
Brandi Carlile is still my safe space because that voice, girl. That voice.
Homegirls?
like as in friends, girls you grew up with, girls from the neighborhood etc
:)
and everyone i think is awesome is my homegirl like the Virgin Mary and Wonder Woman.
I completely am in love with Beyonce. I haven’t met her :( (gutted) But I did see her at Glastonbury last year, too fucking incredible! To think she was pregnant and still looked like the sexiest woman in the world…
dude, sexy pregnant women make my knees weak. they’re sexy in that surreal kinda way, like ‘where did you fall from life-giving angel’?
Second, also women with small children.
Wait, what?
I too think about Beyonce on a daily basis. Part of that might have to do with the fact that my desktop background is a picture of her with Jay-Z.
Whenever I am thinking about Beyonce, I always remember hearing how she always learns and rehearses her dance numbers in heels, because she performs in heels. I’m not sure why, but that made me respect her a lot. Perhaps because it speaks to her dedication and respect for her work. Plus that’s just FIERCE.
“…I was able to acknowledge my attraction to in public with non-queer friends and not care because see, you’re like the girl next door that everyone says is awesome. Your presence created this safe space for me to explore the nuances of same sex attraction. There was nothing weird about me rambling on to my friends in high school about how I loved your outfits, laugh, dance moves, attitude, sweetness, smile, hair and at the time, I just needed to not feel weird about something.”
Um, tell me about it! I feel like I think these words when talking to co-workers. Talking to them about why I’m not really going to enjoy the “Magic Mike” movie as much as they are is kind of hard to explain…
i feel like we should make “magic mike” a lesbian cult classic somehow…
Ahhhhhhh YOU WERE HUGGED BY BEYONCE? Are you still, like, shedding rays of sunlight everywhere you walk to this very day? Probably!
This is delightful, she is one of my top celebri-crushes in the world — I actually wrote a wordier but very similar piece along these very same lines a few months ago (http://poorworkethic.blogspot.com/2012/01/personal-history-of-beyonce.html).
Also also, does everyone know about the insanity that is Beyonce fan site The Beyhive? I hope so! Get over there if not, it is ridiculous and the all-caps writing style lets you read it out loud in a completely demented shouty voice if you want: http://www.beyonce.com/beyhive.
Beyoncé and I go way back. I’m pretty sure I was listening to Destiny’s Child as soon as I had the attention span to listen to a full-length song (that would be about age 5).
Great article! Beyoncé is worthy of so much praise from the queer community. Besides being loveable to anyone with eyes and ears, she’s just the epitome of girl power. Also, shiny legs.
Thanks for posting this! I also think about Beyonce pretty much everyday and wish I could hang out/have sex with her.
For a second, I thought I remembered a story about the Lohan hitting on Beyonce but it was Mariah Carey not Beyonce. I know this is unrelated but omg the story was hilarious. Apparently she “tried to dirty dance with Mariah and grab her ass-etts.” The visual is f**king hilarious. I can just imagine: *Trying to grab her ass* “Damn, this ass keeps escaping me.” :P but Mariah said it didn’t happen lol
I swear I heard something about Beyonce’s sister Solange being queer though…
Love Beyonce. Loved her rendition of ‘At Last’ that she sung at the Obama inauguration.
Some days when I’m feeling especially gay I like to celebrate by watching the “Why Don’t You Love Me?” video six or seven times in a row.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QczgvUDskk0
Because there’s nothing not to love about Beyoncé and her row of impeccably dusted Grammys and that fantastic thing she does with her hips.