31 Thoughts I Had While Battling a UTI

  1. Wow I really have to pee? That’s weird, I haven’t had that much water toda- uh oh
  2. What is this feeling, so sudden and new?
  3. That song is so gay
  4. Now I have Wicked stuck in my head
  5. Okay, don’t panic
  6. *panic* *pain*
  7. Do I still have Azo tabs from my last UTI
  8. When was my last UTI
  9. Oh, 2018, that nepotism-baby comedy writer.
  10. (God that was boring sex. Not worth the eventual outcome)
  11. (Remember the girl who was training me at my new job said “if your fluids don’t mix with someone else’s, they’re probably not the person for you.” What a weird thing to say.)
  12. (She was right, I guess, about that specific girl.)
  13. Well, that’s one benefit of two years of pandemic-induced celibacy!
  14. Azo tabs, focus
  15. How fast can I get Azo tabs
  16. I really need to clean my bathroom, wow
  17. I’ll never be able to pee without cringing again
  18. UTI antibiotics should be available over the counter!
  19. Why are the AZO tab makers content with my pee being neon orange
  20. Could they make my pee turquoise or magenta instead
  21. Actually, scratch that, magenta might be too alarming
  22. I bet Audrey Hepburn never got a UTI
  23. Does drinking a blueberry-pomegranate sparkling water count as “hydrating”
  24. Does my back hurt? Has it spread to my kidneys?
  25. Or is that just from sitting for 8 hours a day in an “ergonomic” desk chair I bought off Instagram
  26. Should I really be using a vibrator in this trying time
  27. This is a cosmic punishment for having too much sex
  28. PEE AFTER SEX DUMMY!
  29. I know!
  30. I’m never having sex again
  31. I really, really can’t wait to have sex again
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Analyssa

Analyssa is a co-host of the To L and Back podcast: Gen Q edition. She lives in LA, works at a TV studio, and can often be found binge-watching an ABC drama from 2008. You can follow her on Twitter, Instagram, or her social media of choice, Letterboxd.

Analyssa has written 58 articles for us.

10 Comments

  1. This is a Journey I think we can all relate to.
    Also re: peeing magenta, my advice as a Queer Elder (™): always remember when you’ve eaten beets.

  2. Never thought I’d read the words ‘turquoise pee, Audrey Hepburn, ergonomic, vibrator, and cosmic punishment ‘ in the same article. Anyway I’m sorry! This sounds like a tiny slice of hell.

    • The mind goes weird places when you’re suffering! (Audrey Hepburn was because I watched Roman Holiday while on my antibiotics)

  3. From personal experience: as soon as you feel the very first tingle of an UTI, drink as much water as you can possibly stomach and then some. Like if you can down 1 liter in one go that would be good. 2 is better. This way you’ll be flushing your bladder like crazy and with some luck you’ll flush the bacteria out. Doesn’t always work, but I’ve managed to avoid a few courses of antibiotocs this way, and we need to be prudent about using those.

    Oh and if it rises to your kidney’s you’d expect other symptoms too, like a fever, chills, general aches, feeling like crap (that’s the medical terminology), nausea, vomiting, etc. Please do not ignore those symptoms, people die from urosepsis. But if it is only back pain the chances of it being caused by muscles do rise, but when in doubt, go see your doctor.

    Get well soon!

  4. Also, if you are a person with a uterus, cramps can happen at other times in your cycle but nephritis is nothing to mess with so get it checked.

    Signed, went to the ER, turned out to be middleschmerz!

  5. life pro tip for UTI sufferers: get a bottle and fill it with hot water and use that as a DIY bidet every time you have to pee. it instantly makes everything feel SO much better. also hot water bottle between the legs, also yes to drinking as much as possible and trying to pee out the infection early.

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