Every stock photograph in any stock photograph database has a descriptive title that makes it easier to find the image you need through relevant search terms. When it comes to LGBTQ-related stock photography, some are just straightforward descriptions (“Lesbian couple”) (“two sexy girls with red glasses”), some are mish-mashes of key words and description (“people, homosexuality, same-sex marriage, gay and love concept, close-up of happy lesbian couple sitting on sofa at home”) and some are just COMPLETELY BONKERS.
This post pays tribute to the most poetic and touching stock photograph image descriptions found under the “lesbian” and “bisexual” tags.
1. Women touch each other’s ass and go on the road, because they are lesbians
Ugh I thought you had gum in here
2. Trendy bisexual girls hugging at camera
That’s right, hug my left butt cheek! Hug it so hard!
3. Close up of happy lesbian couple hugging at home
I’m so glad we sprung for that rainbow light filter at IKEA, baby, it really makes the living room come alive
4. Sexy Macho holding whip with lesbian lovers, threesome and bdsm
Okay well Heidi and I would feel a lot more comfortable if you could put the whip down and then leave the room and close the door behind you if that’s cool? Thank you so much
5. Tender Kiss of Two Brunettes
This is how brunettes have lesbian sex
6. Woman cheating on her boyfriend with an other girl at park
Quick hold my hand while my boyfriend’s head is tilted slightly in the general range of the opposite direction, he’ll never even know that you’re here
7. Female Best Friend forever holding hands together – love concept
As we go on / We remember / All the times we / Had together / And as our lives change / Come whatever / We will still be / Friends forever
8. The girl kissing a girl. Man in shock.
Looks like somebody stole my lady… AND my favorite flannel shirt
9. Two charming and very attractive lesbian girls flirting in magical forest on sunny day
Accio bug spray
10. Beautiful girl says the gossip in the ear of her surprised girlfriend
OH MY GOSH NOT HUGO AND KIM
11. Happy lesbian couple sits on a dinner table and having good time together
You’re happy, right? I’m happy. We’re happy. This is great.
12. Two beautiful girls twins in the studio, sisters, flirt
Ok sis now it’s YOUR turn to air-kiss ME
13. Sister Lovers
That’s right, we’re just two ordinary lesbian lovers who happen to also be sisters
14. Two sad girls sorry for each other outdoors
Do you think those dudes over there are gonna finish their beer or do you think they’d let us have some
15. Couple of women in love with lesbian rainbow flag
If we hold on forever and never let go, we too will become rainbow flags
16. Man’s dream three passion waiting sexy girls in the bed
EXCUSE ME
17. Mistresses women hugging, they dressed in white and standing in the water
Now you are mine forever
18. Portrait of a young woman disguised as a man looking seriously – tomboy
Errrghhh I feel like my disguise isn’t working…
19. girl power concept – man-like young brunette acting stupid,showing her muscular arm for feminine independence,studio shot
EW, BOYS!
20. Fun girl stick tongue out between two fingers showing cunnilingus sign.
Legit.
I would like to point out, one of the women in #11 doesn’t actually look happy.
And the other one has a totally clean, empty plate. Like she never actually had any food.
Well, it wasn’t vegan.
This looks exactly like:
Date three, she made dinner and it turns out she didn’t listen when you told her (at date one, no less) that you were a diabetic Vegan.
#11 is actually a film still from the award-winning film about a middle-aged lesbian couple, “Happy Lesbian Couple Sits on a Dinner Table and Having Good Time Together”
I thought the same thing when I saw this photo.
“Not happy, and I’m about to tell you why I’m not happy.”
I just want to point out that the dude in #6 still looks like a cute lesbian from behind so… I’m just gonna assume that stock photography hasn’t caught up with gender expression.
Ha! That was my first thought too, “Um… that’s three women?”
As a brunette, I feel I should be offended. My tongue would never be so far off course.
As the old internet adage goes, pics or didn’t happen. :+p
A picture is worth a thousand words, but the experience is worth a thousand pictures. ;)
I feel like these tag lines are more…aspirational than they are descriptive.
Also gonna add “because they are lesbians” to the end of sentences about random shit my friends and I do. “Went to see Bad Moms, then hit up Happy Hour…because we are lesbians.”
This reads like a tumblr meme. Tag yourself, I’m two sad girls sorry for each other outdoors.
I’m muscular arm for feminine independence
I’m The girl kissing a girl. Man in shock.
How has nobody claimed magical forest yet? I’m totally claiming magical forest.
Dear uninspired Stock Photo intern,
allow me to help you out:
1. Vegan, Zero emission road trip: You’re doing it right.
2.The L Word Cosplay: Bette&Tina
3.Queer people see everything rainbow tinted
4.Stable Boy brings pony after lesbian marriage proposal for the happy brides to ride away from the lame male fantasies of the patriarchy on
5.Belly Button lint:The newest kink in Lesbian IKEA fantasies.
6.If “Imagine Me&You” was shot on no budget like every other Lesbian movie out there
7.Two girlfriends wearing matching golden dresses.
8.Freshly single Gay man is bitter about yet another failed relationship as Lesbians celebrate Pride
9.Two hipster women meeting in a forest wearing the same rare sunglasses
10.Wicked:Unmasked
OH MY GOD! These are brilliant, thank you <3
how does one become a trendy lesbian?
i think Tender Kiss of Two Brunettes first found me in shutterstock about nine months ago and it has not stopped haunting me since
11. “The Kids Are Alright” without the kids. Or men.
11b. You know things aren’t going to work out, if your partner confuses chopsticks with breadsticks. And thinks you can share them.
12.Dirty blondes: Haircolors that don’t truly match anything. Backgrounds, clothes.Girlfriends.
13.Happy Spouses Challenge on Facebook.Day 4.
14.Woman comforting Girlfriend over the introduction of yet another beard in Rizzoli and Isles.
15.Sports Illustrated:Swimsuit Pride Edition
16.Lesbian moms try to sleep in during their vacation as teenage daughter wakes them up with exciting news.
17.Jaime Murray seducing young wiccan in supernatural movie shot in Wales.
18.Peaky Blinders:Finally, thankfully, with Lesbians.
19. Young woman impersonating average man at bar.
20.Hipster Lesbians, drunk, at a festival.
I would watch the shit out of a lesbian Peaky Blinders.
This totally just made my day.
“Portrait of a Young Woman Looking Seriously Tomboy” – isn’t that a Joyce novel?
Jane Joyce?
I can’t pick one. These are all so beautiful. Thank you Riese.
I’m assuming #13 is HBO’s new Game of Thrones Spin-off series? “Lannister: The Next Generation”?
Jeez this lacks a lot of color and reeks of white dude.
10 looks like Mean Girls
“Do you think those dudes over there are gonna finish their beer or do you think they’d let us have some” I was gonna say 14 looked like a relative of Heather Hogan, this caption just confirms it
Finally (last comment I swear), the number of stock photographers who think sisters and lovers are interchangeable alarms me.
LITERALLY CRYING
6. Love the pink shirt with bra window. She did not spend money on that thing to hide it. And I respect that.
These are hilarious and terrible. :D
“20 times the male gaze was the gift that kept on giving but we didn’t really want the gift but laughed as Therese and Carol surely laughed at Richard and Harge.” These are truly magical; thank you for sharing them, Riese.