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15 Robes for Gay Divorcées

Gay divorceés are very hot right now, very of the moment. I say this not just because I’m a gay divorcée and increasingly my friends are too; it’s just a fact. Detransition, Baby is dedicated to divorced cis women. All my group chats are trading mediation tips. Everyone I go on a first date with turns out to also be a gay divorcée. A quick twitter search gave me this, which isn’t strictly linked but feels related:

Although not everyone is lucky enough to be a hot gay divorceé (yet! Life is long, stay positive!) everyone can get into the staple of the gay divorceé wardrobe: the robe. It is the first thing I (and all my friends) have wanted to buy upon putting the divorce in motion; in a better world, it would come as part of a welcome basket. It’s perfect for lounging in your new apartment with a can of wine, for taking thirst traps in, for kicking your date out of your apartment at 8 am on the dot the next morning, for sitting on your fire escape with a cigarette in a haze of despair. It does it all! And there are as many options for robes as there are gay divorceés to wear them.

1. Flowy, Drapey Maxi Robes

Gorgeous, comfortable, silk, Black-owned; Jibri’s loungewear is the ideal divorce robe, giving you glamor and drama while remaining totally effortless, as if you completely forgot your ex was stopping by this morning to pick up the last of their things.

2. Target Floral Robe

Target’s selection of house robes changes every season; this one isn’t one of my personal favorites, but it might be yours, and if you don’t love it yet just wait like a month. Reliable, utilitarian, machine-washable, good for lending to your date while they run to the bathroom during a sex break in case they run into the roommate that you live with now because you are, again, divorced.

3. Oddbird Handwoven Turkish Robe

Why do I want this robe so badly? Is it the drapey texture? The pockets? That all of the models on this site look like haunted GOOP writers? It looks so comfortable and also so stylish! I am so annoyed at the overall aesthetic and price point and also will probably buy this in the next 3 months.

4. Etsy Turkish-Style Robes (1, 2)

If you like the above Turkish-style robe but are not going to cave like me and spend the money for it, these Etsy ones are similar! Pockets! Comfort of a spa robe with more style, and pleasingly ungendered!

5. Bettie Page Smoking Robe

This was designed for hot divorceés; the juxtaposition of the short length and full sleeves says you’re all business in the court hearing and a party in the (linen) sheets.

6. Devore Gown (Straight & Plus Size)

The drama! Did you divorce your ex, or did they go mysteriously missing on a yacht trip???

7. Peacock Print Satin Robe (Straight, Plus Size)

Perfect for hosting a boozy Sunday brunch for you and your friends to trade stories about your dates last night, and maybe volunteer to photograph each other’s thirst traps after.

8. Bettie Page Feather Robe

Sometimes you’re not in the mood for subtlety! To be worn while having phone sex with the PNW mechanic you met on Lex.

9. Full-Length Kimono-Style Robes (1, 2)

Extreme Gillian-Anderson-in-Sex-Education vibes. Making breakfast for your date? Your children? Both? Divorced MILFs, this is your time.

10. I Like Pink (1, 2)

Some folks’ post-divorce robe persona is very pink, and I love that for you. Send some selfies in these to the group chat please!

11. Leopard Print Is a Neutral (1, 2)

Some people’s post-divorce persona is leopard print! I love this for you as well! Comforting to know this is waiting for you to slip on after Zoom divorce court!

12. Heart Print Robe

Is this the final boss of gay divorcée robes? Picture it: your ex is dropping off the kids on the Monday morning of the long weekend they had them for; you answer the door in this heart-print robe, hair sexily tousled from last night, a cup of coffee in your hand. As they walk away, they hear an unfamiliar voice laughing from the kitchen at a joke you made – who is that? Love is not a a lie; it’s just not for your ex anymore!

13. Savage Fenty Smoking Jacket

Far be it from me to forget the backbone of the gay divorcée community: butch and masc gay divorcées. A smoking jacket is a classic; to wake up to someone fixing me eggs in the morning wearing this and some boxer briefs? Makes me want to get divorced all over again!

14. Men’s Cut Satin Robes (1, 2)

The butch nudes taken in these? Life-ruining! Again, extremely available to receive those!

15. Burgundy Hooded Robe

One of the little joys of newly single life is developing your own routines and rituals, like heading out onto the stoop in the mornings to pick up the paper and waving to your hot neighbor. You could be doing that wearing this robe – you deserve it, and so does your hot neighbor.

What are your signature gay divorcée looks? Please share!!

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Rachel

Originally from Boston, MA, Rachel now lives in the Midwest. Topics dear to her heart include bisexuality, The X-Files and tacos. Her favorite Ciara video is probably "Ride," but if you're only going to watch one, she recommends "Like A Boy." You can follow her on twitter and instagram.

Rachel has written 1141 articles for us.

26 Comments

  2. “All my group chats are trading mediation tips.” This made me laugh! Thanks! Though I am sad that I’m missing out on group chats about mediation tips. I am definitely leaning into a comfortable mom aesthetic.

    • Ooo, as someone late to the robe train, I love this roundup! I’m definitely ordering one of these, so I will be lounging in something sexy and smiling, rather than wearing my ex’s old Hello Kitty robe and crying.

  3. Not just for the divorced – I got a comfy & sex soft blue robe for my fiance for Solstice this year!

    A gift I’d highly recommend, it’s a win win cause they get to be warm, nearly nude, and comfy, and I get to see them lounging sexily (and sometimes steal it for myself)

  4. as an in-process gay divorcee i have to say that long robes have been giving me such joy. nothing quite like sweeping around my house in floor-length silk and velvet while i ponder my new existence and make myself very fancy coffee.

    • also doing fancy coffee in my robe-wearing grief processing!

      i’m awfully proud of my pour over coffee skills at this point, and my dog is tired of hearing about it. what is your fancy coffee method?

  5. I think Robes No. 7 & 9 best suit my style, though I’ve always loved a dramatic lounging robe (foreshadowing?!). Since becoming a gay divorcée I’ve also leaned heavily into glittery accessories, collecting houseplants, and crying while reading Maggie Nelson in the bathtub.

  6. Maybe the opposite of a gay divorcée. But currently dealing with the very pressing issue in which me and my partner are sharing a singular robe. It’s getting to the point where we second robe might be needed. I trying to decide should if I buy them a new robe or do I buy myself a new robe?

  7. Also can we start a gay divorcée Autostraddle group? None of my friends are GDs but I’d love to meet y’all! Let’s get that meditation group chat going

  8. I’m definitely planning on getting #3, drinking a White Russian, and trying to hunt down my missing rug that like tied the room together, man. Hopefully, I’ll run into Julianne Moore doing nude art.

  9. I have a full-length, fully lined black satin robe that I bought from Victoria Secret many, many years ago (half price!). I honestly have a lot of complicate feelings about it. Like, it’s really comfy and I love it, and I particularly love striding down the hall with my robe billowing out like Neo in the Matrix. But I also feel like it was *meant* for sexy lounging and I don’t really do that.

    • Damn ! That robe is hot. And all the models are just… so…

      I suggest you get two robes.

  11. I lost it at “haunted GOOP writers” thank you for this

  13. Wait, I’m a gay divorcee and I don’t have a robe. Was I cheated by the mediator? Was it supposed to be issued by the state with the divorce papers?

  16. I’m not divorced, but maybe I should get myself one of these Turkish robes for my 40th birthday later this year to up my mommi game.

  17. I went into a summer as a gay divorcée, so my uniform was bathing suits, big sunglasses and a floppy sun hat, but now I realize that I need a turkish robe in my life.

  18. #2 says “you might have taken half of my assets, but you’ll never take my femme style”, whilst #5 will help me channel my inner hard femme and hopefully help me stay single through at least a couple of hook ups.

    Ahhh the joy of divorcing before many of your queer friends even got married in the first place. I’m leaps and bounds ahead of the curve!

  19. As a Gay Divorcee in a pandemic I’ve outgrown my longtime robe. This is very timely to shop for a new one with a brand new vibe.

  20. Hey! Love this article! But I would like to kindly ask you to reconsider calling a garment that is a robe/dressing gown “kimono-style” or linking to robes that in the product description are called kimonos. I’m active in the online garment sewing community and several Asian makers have spoken up about their discomfort with garments that are not kimonos being called kimonos instead of using more descriptive, less appropriative terms. I’m not super articulate on this issue but I am linking to a blog post that I found helpful below! Thank you!

    https://ysolda.com/blogs/journal/an-open-letter-to-white-makers-and-designers

  22. I’m currently having a pink velvet moment. I also suggest Kim + Ono silk robes (plus and straight sizing) out of San Francisco

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