In many parts of the world, the nights are getting longer and the days are getting colder, and you probably need a cute jacket and/or coat that will actually keep you warm. Perhaps what you’re looking for is a denim jacket (in which case I already have you covered, my love!), but perhaps… just maybe perhaps… you’re looking for something even warmer. You’re ready to feel toasty and be gay and drink hot chocolate and be gay and feel that pleasant nip on your nose and ear tips while you run around at the pet rescue or teach a femme how to start a cozy fire and again most importantly BE GAY.

It already snowed on Halloween in Michigan and Ohio. Maybe the rest of fall is cancelled. Let’s do this.

The Sherpas

1. Anthropologie Sherpa Puffer Jacket (size XS-XL, $248) // 2. Alo Oversized Sherpa Trench (size 00-18, $298) // 3. Eloquii Shawl Collar Shearling Coat (size 14/16-26/28, $170)

Please be a human teddy bear. I beg of you, be a human teddy bear.

Short and Sweet Puffers

1. American Eagle Chill Puffer Jacket (size XXS-XXL, $70) // 2. Universal Standard Rainier Short Hooded Puffer (size 4XS-4XL, $248)

For when you want to give it’s winter but my ass looks great.

Quilted

1. ASOS Curve Quilted Hybrid Coat (size 12-26, $120) // 2. Athleta Cozy Day Hybrid Coat (size XXS-XXL, $200) // 3. Everlane ReNew Long Liner (size XXS-XL, $200)

I did not know that quilts were in for this winter? But according to the fancy fashion people that I read in research for this article, quilts are very in for this winter. How do we feel about it? I don’t know. But I do know that the trench coat with the navy blue quilted arms keeps flirting like it wants to go home with me. And I keep blushing in return.

The Top Coats (for a Top) (I’m Kidding)

1. Madewell Carlton Coat in Houndstooth (size XXS-XXL, $318) // 2. Curve Smart Herringbone Belted Coat (size 12-26, $128) // 3. J. Crew Mens Ludlow Topcoat in Wool Blend (size 34S-42R, $280) // 4. ASOS Curve Twill Dad Coat (size 12-26, $109)

Nothing will ever say “gay winter coat” and “top me” like a classic full length top coat. They are classic, androgynous, and they make me weak in the knees. You will wear it, you will power up into your most powerful power lesbian form. Bette Porter will wink at you from your reflection in the mirror. Those are just the rules.

The 70s

1. ASOS Curve Bonded Teddy Borg Trench Coat (size 12-26, $129) // 2. Dockers Sherpa Lined Heavyweight Overcoat (size S-XXL, $120)

According to influencers, fashion blogs, and your pop culture obsessed cousin on TikTok everywhere, the 70s are back! There are specific reasons for this (wide sherpa and faux shearling collars were apparently all over the runway, apparently straight women are still going hard in the Daisy Jones & The Six fandom), but it’s hard not to agree: That silhouette!?! Babyyyyy, you will be the show stopper in every room that you enter.

Chore Coats

1. Carhartt Loose Fit Firm Duck Blanket-Lined Chore Coat (size S-5XL, $120) // 2. Universal Standard Parker Teddy-Lined Corduroy Jacket (size 4XS-4XL, $178) // 3. Wild Fang Essential Fleece Lined Shacket (size XS-3XL, $138)

This is a close cousin of the top coat, a casual masc gay winter coat classic. (If you’re wearing one, call me.)

And for When You Just Wanna Wear a Sleeping Bag

1. Banana Republic Hooded Puffer Jacket (size XS-XXL, $160) // 2. Land’s End Down Maxi Winter Coat (size 2-18, $203) // 3. REI Co-op Norseland Insulated Parka (size XS-3X, $200)

I live on the Canadian border, don’t play with me. We know why we came here.

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