10 Stupid Questions With 10 Hilarious Queer Women, Part 1

Marga Gomez


Would you rather give up sex forever or internet forever?

Sex forever? That’s all I ever wanted. You can have my laptop, phone and passwords. Bring on the pussy.

Roller coaster or haunted house?

Haunted house! My fantasy is sex with a lady ghost. One time I stayed in an old mining town hotel that according to legend was haunted by a madam who hated women. Hot, right? I was creeping around the hallways calling her all night. “Boo. Hey Boo?” Think I scared her.

Fuck/Marry/Kill: A bucket of queso cheese sauce, David Schwimmer, a coinstar machine.

Fuck cheese, marry Coinstar, kill Schwimmer.

Worst place you’ve ever vacationed?

What’s a vacation?

Finish this sentence: If you wanna be my lover, gotta get…

Blindfolded because my apartment is a mess.

Most awkward place you’ve ever broken up with someone:

When I was the worst lesbian on earth, I broke up with my girl at her waitressing job during dinner rush. I was in and out of there quick.

If you were a bag of chips, which one would you be?

Baked.

When you say hi to a dog do you make eye contact with the owner first?

Not anymore. Dog owners can be such bitches.

What kind of lip balm do you use?

I wouldn’t want to make my lips any softer and moister than they already are. That’d be dangerous.

Do you like cats and if not, WHO HURT YOU?

A cat hurt me when I was a little child. First it attacked my dog. Then it saw I was wearing shorts and dug its claws in my legs and climbed up me. It took almost 20 bandaids to fix me. True story. Not all cats. Thanks for asking.

Marga has shows coming up soon in San Francisco, Chicago and Boston! Get the details and sign up for her mailing list at margagomez.com. You can also follow her on Twitter and Instagram.

Next page: Luna Malbroux

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Kai

Kai Choyce is a writer, comedian, and cat whisperer.

Kai has written 13 articles for us.

18 Comments

  1. My favorite questions are the F/M/K with 1 person and 2 inanimate objects. These are great and hilarious. Thanks!

  2. I enjoyed all of this but this was my fave:

    ‘Between Jared Leto and a school bus, technically I’d rather marry a school bus, but I don’t want to see a person die.’

  3. WHAT can happen as a result of ‘disuse’?? This is important information.

    I’d like to see broader poll results of the no more sex vs. no more Internet question, with distribution across different age groups to see if it correlates with the supposed trend of younger people having less sex and spending more time online. Failing that, the F/M/K questions were my favourite.

  6. i had to google both “brats” and “scottie pippen” and i feel much more prepared for my trip to chicago now

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